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I obviously camouflaged this problem for many years by drinking heavily but since giving up alcohol(ten years previous) I obsess about not being able to pee in public places constantly. I read the Soifer book and was determined to do graduated exposure but always postpone and say to myself I'll start tomorrow. I can go in cubicles , sometimes in urinals where there are dividers but present me with a row of urinals without dividers or the tin trough scenario and I get palpitations and break into an uncomfortable sweat. Although this condition is manageable, it leaves me feeling depressed and unmanly. I can't stop obsessing over it and want to stop avoiding football matches , concerts , social events and any places where I may have to try and pee in front of another person. I want a way to start working on myself and have the courage to just stand there and 'fail' until maybe one day I can succeed at a urinal without dividers or perish the thought stand at a trough.
Re: Newcomer
Posted by alex on 7/6/2009, 2:18 pm, in reply to "Newcomer"
good that you are working on this
keep getting help from the board try to get to a workship sometime
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Mark L on 9/6/2009, 12:33 am, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Gus,
welcome to the message board. HAve a good read through as many posts on here as you can. If you are not aware of the weekends workshops that the UKPT run, then email the address at the top of the page for more info. Going on one will turn your live around!
There is plenty of de-sensing / graduated exposure tips and advice on here too which you can start straight away. Also look on the main website for more info.
You say you want to have the courage to stand there and 'fail'... Have you tryed walking in to a busy, noisy WC and just standing up to a urinal? You are not putting pressure on yourself as you have no intention of peeing. No one will suspect a thing if thats what you're worried about.
Keep us posted with anything and all the best,
Mark
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Gus on 9/6/2009, 8:46 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
I take your point about the idea of standing up to a urina while not needing to pee but for me the major fear is that people see me standing there doing nothing and judge. I know this is irrational because they probably don't give 2 hoots about what I'm doing. However so much of this condition for me is feeling that people are watching and judging?
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Andrew on 9/6/2009, 10:11 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Gus
Baz decided to stand at a urinal for a long time to see what, if anything, would happen. He gave up out of boredom after 20 minutes! No alarms, no funny looks, nothing.
People have got so many much more interesting things to think about than what some other guy is or is not doing. "Normal" guys are thinking about what they are going to do next, or continuing to think about what they were thinking about before they came in.
If anyone IS paying attention to you...you are in a dodgy toilet.
cheers
Andrew
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Mark L on 9/6/2009, 11:22 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Gus - you say "so much of this condition for me is feeling that people are watching and judging"... thats pretty much how all of us feel! Its only natural to think that.
Going on a workshop and de-sensing yourself helps change that thought in your mind. We all know that no-one else really cares or even notices, its just the mind criticising you.
Mark
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Pete L on 10/6/2009, 8:51 am, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Gus
Mark is right, no one actually cares about what another person is doing, especially in a toilet. We all know how it feels though, it's difficult when your thoughts are taken up by 'people are staring'! Albeit, this is going to affect different people in different ways.
I may not be the worst or least affected, but I know I suffered a traumatic childhood, with my father yelling at me in front of people and then saying 'stop crying, people are staring at you'. Hmmm, now I wonder, did my problem start as a result of this?!!!!
Several years ago,I went to the doctors to discuss my lack of ability to go out anywhere without feeling anxious. Even a trip to the shops was a difficult one! The doctor set the process of seeing a mental health nurse, who eventually pointed me in the direction of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Through the 6 sessions, CBT really helped change my thought pattern. It is not always plain sailing though, if I go somewhere new, with unfamiliar settings, I get a litle edgy. However, my partner and I have now realised that, when we go somewhere for a second time, I am completely 'chilled out'!
The workshops provide the same (from what I read), plus you are with people who are the same. I am imagining that the experience will be overwhelming to say the least, but I am sure, as so many have already said, the end result will be worth it.
When I first looked at this site, and read references to the workshop, I thought 'there's no way I could meet up in a strange place, with people who I didn't know'! - However, following time spent on this site, the words of encouragement, words of advice (sincere advice!), continuing support and let's not forget our old friend HONESTY, I just completely changed my thoughts and booked the course. And what's more, I am looking forward to it....really looking forward to it!
Keep reading Gus, be assured that everyone on this site is here for the same reason, and, If you are able to, get to a workshop.
Take care mate
Pete L
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Gus on 10/6/2009, 6:26 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Many thanks to all of you for corresponding. I get a strong sense that going on a workshop is the thing to do. Are they only in Manchester in London? It is great that you fellows know that feeling thinking that everyone is watching and thinking about us. I know this is a crazy way to think and I want desperately to change it. I know I'm not so important that everyone is watching me but in a toilet that is how it feels- pure mental. I want to think differently and you people have given me hope that it is possible-many thanks.
Gus
re workshops
Posted by Andrew on 10/6/2009, 9:19 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Gus
What you want to know is in the sticky near the top of the page: info about Beginners' Workshops
