U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by James on 2/6/2009, 6:28 pm

Hi. I'm 41 and my BBS (only just found out this term existed yesterday) has been getting worse gradually over the past 10 years. I don't remember it being too bad when I was in my 20s but I guess when I look back I have never been comfortable peeing with anyone else around. Once I found out about Paruresis I plucked up the courage to tell the missus and she as been really good about it. I feel that I can get my head around peeing at home now which is nice!! Work is also ok as it's probably a BBS sufferers dream toilet! three cubicles in a row, no urinals and a very noisy air con! I still hesistate for up to an hour before I pluck up the courage to go though- pathetic isn't it!! and I often have to sit down after trying for several minutes to pee standing up!! I do still go out but find I worry a lot about peeing and it's always in the back of my mind. When I have had a few drinks I relax a bit and then I am usually ok to pee, even at a urinal!! When I have to travel for a day, go to a confernce/ meeting or anything where pissing in a strange toilet is required than I am really nervous. I always use the cubicle and generally sit down to pee like a girl!! It's so annoying and hellish and it's affecting my life, please please help me!!! I don't live in a country that has any help groups so I can't attend therapy classes.

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by Mark L on 2/6/2009, 11:37 pm, in reply to "Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

Hi James,

Discovering that you are not alone with AP/BBS is a great feeling isnt it! So well done for finding this site.

Its good that you have told your partner, it makes everything so much easier. As for waiting up to an hour before going being pathetic, no its not! Its just one of many little things us sufferes do! Sitting down used be my only hope of going sometimes so dont worry! The good news is that you can now get a hold of this and turn it around.

So where exactly do you live? This trust runs workshops in London and Manchester. If you can get to one of them, it will be the best thing you can do trust me! After going on a beginners weekend workshop, my life was turned around! Then a follow up workshop re-enforced everything and gave me even more confidence.

If you havent already, email Andrew using the address at the top of the page. I am aware that there are workshops in other countries, but Andrew will know more about them (im sure Andrew will post in this thread soon enough).

In the meantime, have a read through as many posts as you can on this board. There are many helpful 'de-sensing' topics with lots of advice.

Take care,

Mark

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by james on 3/6/2009, 1:21 am, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

thanks mark. i don't live in the uk unfortunately. I will check with andrew what other countries have groups. I am gradually reading a lot from this site and others and find the fact that people seem to be able to get their lives back very encouraging. I am hopeful I can do the same. I'll keep this site posted of my progress

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by Geoff P on 3/6/2009, 11:09 am, in reply to "Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

Hi James

Welcome. You are among friends here.

Like Mark says, it's not 'pathetic' waiting for an hour or having to sit down. I've had times in social gatherings when I couldn't pluck up the courage to go at all and ended up in a lot of pain and still not able to perform when I got out of there into a safe environment. It's great that you've been able to talk to your missus. You obviously have an honest, open relationship - does she think you're pathetic? I don't think so!!

Do read through the main site. There's loads of really useful info that will help you get on the right track. And keep posting. We're all in the same boat and you'll get lots of encouragement.

All the best,

Geoff

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by james on 3/6/2009, 4:01 pm, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

thanks Geoff, telling my wife felt like a real load off my mind but I think I was expecting a bit too much like I was going to be immediately 'cured'! Ironically I have probably been worse if anything since telling her after a very brief initial day of confidence! Off out for a meal tomorrow night so that should be interesting. A tip from this site of going to the toilet immediately to remove the unknown factor is a great idea and I'm sure will help. I have often been really holding back for ages only to find that the toilet is a single locking cubicle or something like that!! Anyway I'll keep you posted of progress.

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by Geoff P on 4/6/2009, 10:58 am, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

Hi James,

Enjoy your meal!

For me one of the most important ideas to grasp about this problem is that its just a problem. It doesn't define me. I have AP, I'm not 'a paruretic'.

Once we let it define who we are, the fight to get free seems so much harder because we are trying to change who we see ourselves to be, rather than trying to conquer an irrational fear.

What's the chance of you getting to a workshop? I don't know if there are still places on the London one at the end of June. Andrew will be able to tell you. Why not email him?

Speak again soon.

Cheers mate,

Geoff.

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by james on 5/6/2009, 6:20 am, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

thanks again Geoff. meal was a nightmare- worst ever! Held on for ages then went finally to find two urinals two cubicles and an attendant!! Tried at the urinal (foolish move) attendant stood close to me waiting to give me a towel after I had washed my hands- there was no way I was going to be able to pee under that level of pressure so I pretended to do one, washed my hands and left! Still busting I went back to the table and then ten minutes later I went out of the restaurant and found a nearby public toilet in a shopping centre where I used the cubicle. Later I used the cubicle in the restaurant and that was ok. Managed to start to get my head around the whole thing this morning and have decided that it will NOT rule my life. I am going to start to do lots of things that I can control like get really fit and healthy and I'll just deal with this irrational fear in some way. Afraid workshop is out of the question I don't live in the UK

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by Geoff P on 5/6/2009, 9:20 am, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

Hi James,

Sorry to hear your meal didn't go so well.

It does sound like you are trying a bit too hard. To go to a urinal with an attendant there is asking for problems (certainly would be for me, anyway).

Have you read through the info on desensing on the main site? Its a real life-line. Only be taking small steps can we ever get over this thing. Trying to go too fast ends up reinforcing our sense of failure when we can't perform.

Don't expect to be able to change an established pattern in your life overnight. It will take time and effort but you will get there.

All the best mate,

Geoff.

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by james on 6/6/2009, 3:51 am, in reply to "Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

thanks for your advice and support, much appreciated

Re: Just found out I'm not the only one!!

Posted by Andrew on 8/6/2009, 4:40 pm, in reply to "Just found out I'm not the only one!!"

Hi James

Could you email me at the email address at the top of this page and tell me what country you are in?

cheers

Andrew
UKPT

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