U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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my story

Posted by kev on 2/2/2009, 8:30 pm

well dont know where to start really. im 18 from scotland and cant remember where my paruresis started. all i can remember is i always used to use the cubicals and never failed to pee untill one day (id say i was about 13ish) i thot i should just use the urinals instead but wasnt able to. but then as i kept failing i started to struggle in the cubicals in quiet toilets when people were around. also in my own toilet if someone was behind the door or close. another thing was in highschool i think i only used the toilets about 5 times the whole time i was there i only drank one bottle of juice a day and never neaded untill i got home so never thought much of it.

anyway things went on and i didnt let it bother me too much and if i needed the toilet when i was out i would use the urinal if the toilet was empty or the cubical if it was not like most people with ap i suppose.

ive went through periods when i couldnt use the urinal if there was any possibilty of someone walking in but i still tried none the less. recently ive found(this might sound stupid) that if im at a urinal and got my belt undone and so on before anyone is in i can pee easy enough because i know i can just pretend im finished if someone walks in.

anyway ive only recently told my mum which took a lot of courage but i dont think she understands how big a problem it is she says it doesnt matter if u use cubicals. dont get me wrong tho she listens and is supportive. i recently turned 18 aswell and have quite a large group of friends and i go clubbing and so on with them. ive never turned down a night out because of paruresis. i find like most people when ive had a drink i find it much easier to pee and i never really fail in a cubical as theres always a lot of noise and so on in clubs anyway. ive also been successfull in troughs with people around when ive been out.

anyway to cut a long story short although i guess i have quite a mild case of ap i would love to get rid of it altogether if that is possible. its not really practical for me to come to a workshop as ive never heard of one in scotland and wouldnt be too fond of travelling a long distance to go to one.i would like to hear advice from other sufferers though id really appreciate that.

thanks kev.

Re: my story

Posted by Andrew on 2/2/2009, 10:03 pm, in reply to "my story"

Hi Kev

Good to hear your story; you are coping really well mate, good attitude.

And its a good technique what you are doing with your belt etc: fools the brain and lets you go - not stupid at all :-)

Can you email me (address at top of page) to discuss travelling to a workshop etc - may be able to help

cheers

Andrew

Re: my story

Posted by Geoff P on 2/2/2009, 10:18 pm, in reply to "Re: my story"

Hi Kev,
I've found it helps a lot just putting your story on this disscussion board and getting feedback and reading other guys messages. You can pick up really useful tips and you'll get a lot of encouragement. It helps so much just to know that none of us are alone.
You did really well telling your Mum. When I first told my wife, she didn't really understand. Keep talking to her, just doing so is a great help as it gets the problem out in the open.
You definitely need to read through the CBT approach (look under 'First Visit' on the main menu). Desensing yourself gradually really works.
Like Andrew says, you have a great attitude and that's more than half the battle. If you beleive you can beat this, then you will.
Let us know how you are getting on. All the best.
Cheers,
Geoff.

Re: my story

Posted by Mark on 2/2/2009, 10:52 pm, in reply to "Re: my story"

Hi Geoff,

On a beginners workshop, a young guy came down from Scotland by train and was glad he did!

As for the belt thing, its a good idea. I do the same when I think someone oculd walk in, where you pretend to be doing yourself up. OK, you should really try and wait other people out but its a good way to become more relaxed.

I was the same at school, i didnt drink much and just waited till I was home which didnt really bother me. I wish I had sorted this out when I was 18, im now almost 24 and have never got into the clubbing scene because of this. I just try and think of the money I save I suppose!

Have a read of mine and Geoff P's posts about de-sensing it may help you.

http://members.boardhost.com/paruresisUK/msg/1224187134.html

http://members.boardhost.com/paruresisUK/msg/1232715346.html

http://members.boardhost.com/paruresisUK/msg/1233146863.html

Keep reading and posting, its very theraputic.

All the best,

Mark

Re: my story

Posted by Andrew on 3/2/2009, 8:54 am, in reply to "my story"

Hi Kev

Another thought, about your Mum. It IS hard for other people to understand the severity of this, because to them peeing is a total non-event.

However they do understnd about other fears, llike spiders, heights, nbeedles etc.
Has she got one/ One guy ona workshop cgave a vey good exmaple he uses to describe it:

Say you are scared of spiders (and many are uncomfortable): tell them you have to pick a large hairy long legged spider and hold it in your hand , then while doing that, say give a speech while looking cool and relaxed! Then say you have to do this six times a day, every day. That may help your Mum to get a handle in this.

??

Andrew

Re: my story

Posted by kev on 3/2/2009, 2:55 pm, in reply to "Re: my story"

first of all thanks for the replies.

mark- u said u never got into the clubbing scene its not to late i think it helps. ive heard this from a lot of people but i would say only about 60% of people use the urinals if the cubicals are free and 9 times out of 10 theres a cubical free anyway. also the clubs are so loud u couldnt hear if someone was peeing or not although people obviously dont listen in anyway.u basically have to shout if u wanna talk in the toilets.

andrew- that thing with the spider sounds like a really good way to explain it i might give it a shot.

cheers

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