U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.For further information, visit our website, or contact us at

[ RETURN TO MESSAGE INDEX PAGE ] [ POST A REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE ]

When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by Bernardo on 8/11/2007, 12:49 am

Hi! I'm from Portugal and I also suffer AP. No one knows about it but so sometimes when I'm with my friends and I really have to pee I tell them I'm going to the bathroom and one of them tells he needs too.. this has happen few times but it happened... We entered the bathroom and there was only one cubicle and two urinals and there was another man peeing in the cubicle with the door open... so i tried i did a lot of force and nothing.. so i said i have so many wanting to pee that i can't do it .. its stupid but he hasn't noticed i think.

My problem is that when im walking to the bathroom I automatically think about where the people are and if they are near the bathroom.. my phobia is to people come in the bathroom.. so when I'm trying to pee I look many times to the door.. when I feel difficulty I do a lot of force and my face gets really red because of the blood that arrived the head.. But the most of times when I start then there is no problem to finish it!

The biggest problem is to win courage to enter a public bathroom and face the problem... I done that one time at a shopping and I went to the urinals that were free there were 2 men washing their hands. Then I became tensed and one of that men went to the urinals to pee and started looking to me the same time he was starting to pee and he saw i couldn't do it so i said what are you looking to and entered a cubicle... i was there about 10 minutes and then i went out and that man still was in the bathroom... he was really scaring..

One of my technics is to tell that im going to defecate so i have a lot of time and i don't have any pressure... When im drunk i don't have any problem to pee also..

But i think the solution is to win courage and enter a public urinal .. be calm wait until can pee.. and do that a lot of times.. of course we can pass to a lot of bad moments.. Have any one took that risk???

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by SteveM on 8/11/2007, 7:26 pm, in reply to "When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

Bernardo, I think that everyones experience with AP is unique to them but yes I have experienced pretty much what you have.

You write about using a lot of "force" to try and go, of course this is the oppsoite to what you want, you realy need to relax, but then again relaxing is the hardest thing in the world when you have AP.

You have taken the first step by posting here, I hope you take the next step and sign up to the next beginners workshop. You won't regret it

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by David R on 13/11/2007, 6:20 am, in reply to "Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

Hi Bernardo

Well done for sharing your experiences and as SteveM has pointed, out we all relate to what you have said.

There is a lot of useful information on the web site about relaxing and not trying to guess what other people are thinking - usually they are thinking about themselves or their job/love life/car.

Plus you have every right to use the urninal or cubicle and take as long as you need - think of it like a parking space at the supermarket, whats the rush?.

Try to build up a record of some of your successful experiences and do some desensing in less challenging situations (the web site will help you with this or even better do one of our workshops) - then you wont be worrying so much about what might happen or what people will be doing / thinking.

Keep posting and reading the rest of the board.

David R

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by Bernardo on 13/11/2007, 5:44 pm, in reply to "Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

Thanks Steve M and David R for your anwsers!

What do you usually think about when you're walking to the bathroom and then inside it? Please tell me some tips because I'm only 19 and when I was young I don't remember of suffering paruresis... Please tell me tips that worked for you!

Thanks

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by David R on 14/11/2007, 12:40 pm, in reply to "Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

Hi Again Bernardo

People use all sorts of different things to think about ... the main thing is to work on being relaxed before you go in (and have a good level or urgency, if you plan to pee) and anticipate success (use your trigger - see web site, about this).

The workshops (and the web site) provide ideas on how to approach this but here are a couple suggestions on thoughts while waiting for nature to take its course:

- counting backwards from a large number in threes
- thinking of a joke or a funny situation
- inspecting / counting the tiles on the wall
- concentrating on your breathing ... deeply in through nose and slowly out through pursed lips (see 'Phobease')
- reading the advert / notice (if stuck up in front of you)
- singing a song in your head
- imagining you are on a tropical island with soft sand and gently swaying palms

Anything really, but plan ahead and use it ALL THE TIME - even when you are somewhere less challenging (e.g. at home alone). The idea is to keep the brain busy so the imagination/emotions don't get a look in.

Hope this helps - but do read the web site for a more structured approach.

Let us know how you get on.

David R

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by John(IP) on 17/11/2007, 11:30 am, in reply to "Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

The most effective mental images that I have found came from this message board.

Imagine oneself ten-pin bowling and as you release the ball down the lane then you begin a flow at the same time. Repeat if necessary.

The other one is to imagine that you are peeing on the feet of the man standing next to you and as soon as this occurs to you as humorous then it works (for me every time).

John

Re: When friends want to go with you to the bathroom

Posted by FRED on 12/9/2008, 9:25 pm, in reply to "When friends want to go with you to the bathroom"

I think the last 2 lines are pretty good advice,over time you ve got to face this,try listening to an i pod whilst taking a pee if sound is a problem and focus on whats in front of you,i think the more you shy away the further[in my exp]you may regress.Good luck 2 everyone and keep making excuses until you feel comfortable.Stretching your bladder by holding onto fluid can help.This helps to stretch the neck and also means you should need to pee less,continually emptying the bladder in case of company means you need to pee more or at least think you do bear this in mind amigoes and dont panic!

« Back to index

1356

[ U.K. PARURESIS TRUST ]

UNITED KINGDOM PARURESIS TRUST WEB SITE