Posted by David on 5/1/2011, 5:56 pm

Hi, I’ve just stumbled across this website today after more than 20 years of suffering from a shy bladder and finally I feel a sense of relief - it’s great there’s somewhere to talk about my problem with others. I’m 36 and confidently can say that I have indeed been ‘suffering’ for as long as I can remember albeit a little less than I used to. I did start to look into finding some help a couple of years ago and read a few things online which made me realise there were other people like me out there and that in itself made a thankful difference. I even took the massive step of telling my girlfriend who I live with, after being with her for a number of years. It was very difficult to tell her but an amazing relief to know that someone else knew of the stress my problem caused me on a daily basis. Just knowing that I can tell someone that I was unsuccessful when attempting to go in a public toilet, or why I was so quick when I went into the loos because there were no free cubicles, is a great relief. I would recommend to anyone on this forum that telling someone you know about your problem will make your problem just a little bit more bearable to live with and bring you one step closer to fixing it. You never know, it might even bring you closer to that person. One thing I have realised today from reading other peoples stories is that although I think I suffer quite badly there are others out there who suffer worse – I am thinking of you all and wish you every success with your own personal journeys. I can now though, most of the time, go in a public cubicle (especially if there is more than 1) and always in my own home. I’ve had a few slip ups in friends or families homes but generally if I’m in my own space, behind a closed door, with little or no time pressures then I’m fine. Urinals are a different story. It wasn’t always this way though and it’s only after constantly working at it and trying self taught breathing techniques and a little desensitising that I can go where I can. I still have major issues going out to public places and it has created all sorts of problems, ranging from not meeting up with friends to concocting all sorts of excuses to leave somewhere early so I can find a place to go to the toilet. Looking back it has been a huge adventure and at times taken me down dark alleys and places (even in foreign countries) where I am quite possibly in danger just to go for a pee! It’s crazy really the lengths I’ve gone to find somewhere I can go – I could probably write a book on it or at least look back and smile!! I’ve learned to deal with the (self) embarrassment of my lies to get on and lead as close to a normal life as possible but I still feel that my problem is heavily restricting my life and is quite depressing really. That said I do try and get on with things and when pushed will do just that and deal with each situation as it comes. I’ve learned to know what sort of places are more likely to have a toilet with more than one cubicle and try to go when ever I can where it’s easy so I don’t get caught out – that’s part of the fear I guess, not being able to go when I really need to. I’ve become an expert in reading other peoples toilet habits – in that I can see if people are heading to the loo (eyes like a hawk – with a full bladder or course) or on a plane/at the cinema/in a restaurant, when is the best time to visit the toilet when there is less likely to be anyone else there. I’ve come to the realisation though that this isn’t something I should have to deal with for the rest of my life. I want to have children very soon and couldn’t think of anything worse than having my 2 year old stand outside the cubicle and wait for me to go! (I actually saw that happen!). So, today I have bought the Shy Bladder Syndrome book from Amazon and will attempt to work through some exercises in desensitising in an effort to stand and pee next to another man. Than sounds a little odd on a number of levels but it has become my secret focus for this year (well mine and my girlfriends – I’ve asked her to help). Sorry for the lengthy post, I could easily write more as I said, there’s 20 years plus of vivid awkward memories to draw on but it’s enough to say that I can happily write that I’m sure you all know what I’ve been through. Thanks for listening and if you do have any tips or stories of self help successes which could help me on the road to recovery I would (and I genuinely mean this) LOVE to hear them.

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