Posted by Andrew on 10/11/2010, 11:44 am, in reply to "Forum Newbie"

Hi Clare Good to hear from you; and pleased that you now know you are not the only one to be affected. The good news is that you “have no problem going to the loo in public toilets,”. That is something to build on. You say you have a problem with queues, and with trains and planes. It is not clear whether the difficulty with trains and planes is due to time pressure, or only to movement. Can you clarify? In the meantime let’s look at queues at public toilets, and the need to pee often. You say “If I know women are waiting to use the toilet and I need to be quick,” and that “I know it is purely in my head”. Exactly. You see: you do NOT need to be quick. None of the other women who went in to a cubicle ahead of you tried to be quick; they all took as short or as long a time as it took. Some had a short pee, some a number 2, some may have been constipated; for some it was the time of the month, and for others all four together, not to mention the stuck zip – so what I am saying is that there is NO specified time period involved. All very well, I hear you say, but that is how I am thinking. So lets look at an analogy in your life. When you go to a car park which is nearly full, and manage to find a slot, do you then rush round the supermarket, or cut your shopping short, or leave the theatre without staying for a drink, all to free up that car park slot for someone else to use? No you do not. So tell your anxious you that your cubicle is like a car park slot – it is yours for as long as you need it. You are possibly thinking that the women in the queue will bang on the door, or make a comment when you exit the cubicle. So what; the first is impolite, the second lasts an instant then you are gone. Two things to do here. Firstly have a script in your head to use in the unlikely event that a comment will be passed e.g. “what took you so long?” Answer in a neutral but assertive tone “Sorry but it takes as long as it takes”. Practice this with a partner. Armed with a script, you will be less anxious. Secondly you need to desensitize yourself to the queue situation. You do this by joining a queue when you do NOT need a pee. You do everything as normal except, obviously, peeing. While in the cubicle, because you are under no pressure to pee, you can explore your feelings about the time pressure, talk to yourself about the above, and start to manage your anxiety. Use your watch to time 60 seconds; notice how long a time 60 secs is! Then leave. It will be anxiety provoking the first time. However after an interval, you repeat the exercise; because you survived the first time, the second time will be less anxiety provoking, and you can continue managing your anxiety. You repeat this exercise until unavoidably it gets tedious or boring. Great: a barrier has been breached. You can now practice that situation with a need to pee. It is a very good idea to have a fall back when practicing i.e. a safe toilet to fall back on should you not pee. Remember that disabled loos are not only for the disabled; they are public toilets adapted for the disabled; if there is no disabled person using one, you can use it too. Yes really. You say “I need to pee more than most people”. This can be due to several things. One is drinking diuretics: tea, coffee, beer. Use warm water or juices. The second is anxiety; i.e. It becomes a vicious circle. You worry about it, that makes you feel you need to pee (when you don’t) so you worry even more and so on. Note that caffeine amplifies anxiety, i.e. tea, coffee and coke. The third is not reading your body’s signals properly. On the workshops we get participants to drink, and then to rate their need to pee on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is empty, and 10 is bursting with legs crossed (we tell them to never let themselves get to that stage). The aim is to wait until there is a strong but still comfortable urge say level 7 or 8. They all find that in the past they were obsessing about needing to go to the loo while only on a level 2 or 3. In other words they were reacting to a minor tickle as it were; during the workshop they realise they could safely ignore that and wait an hour or so till it built up to a level 7. Most people say it is much easier to start a flow when on a 7, than when on a 2 or 3. You can practice this at home. You also say “I try to drink as little as possible. Sometimes I will drink only three glasses of squash all day”. This is counter-productive. The body is constantly generating urine; the excess fluid we drink dilutes it. If you do not drink, the urine in the bladder is concentrated (a deep yellow/orange) and can be an irritant; this can make for an uncomfortable feeling of a need to go, with no accompanying fluid pressure to help in voiding. Much better to drink non-diuretics, and to get a comfortable urge. If you email me at the support email address at top of page, I can send you a short document about plane toilets which may help - thinks should puts this on the website J So read and digest, and get back with your comments. Get back also about what bothers you about planes, given there is no discernable movement; is it time pressure again? Read also our website which is separate to the forum: it has a lot of advice there; again the link is at the top of the page Cheers Andrew

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