U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 18/4/2016, 8:44 pm

Since the workshop in March 2016 I have made 67 visits to various urinals. So far I've had 65 successful and two times where I have faked it. The faking was due to my fluid level being too low so was unable to go so I thought I can just fake it anyway who cares, nobody batted an eyelid anyway.

It is daunting when originally starting this as you put yourself out of your comfort zone. I still have times where I feel anxious and don't go until the person next to me has left but the point is I went, I staye, I conquered. I also feel that as an AP sufferer we need to feel comfortable doing this on a daily basis. Therefore, the more times you put yourself out there into the uncomfortable situations, the more you will become used to it. It's about building up the urinal visits in many situations which I feel will help to improve the anxiety. In order to tackle a fear you must face it.

Got a meeting coming up soon with Matt from workshop. Guna go out and take the top off for a few hours in a couple of weeks. You will understand that terminology if you have been on a previous workshop 😀.

Adapting and progressing is key in anything that we do.

To anyone that hasn't been on a workshop. Do it, you will surprise yourself at what you can do.

👍👍👍👍

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 19/4/2016, 3:29 pm, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

Well written and well done Nick!
I like the word "adapting" that you have used.
Enjoy your meeting with Matt!
Veni Vidi Vici urinals!

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by steven on 11/7/2016, 6:49 pm, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

hi have you got any help for me that will help me be able to pee in public thanks

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Andrew on 19/4/2016, 5:39 pm, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

That's great news Nick - you really have it sussed. Keep on doing it; remember that at present it feels a big event; eventually it will stop being big deal - you will expect to be able to go but will still be aware of what you are doing; get through that to the point where it becomes forgettable ten minutes afterwards. Have no time expectations.
Cheers

Andrew

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 27/4/2016, 9:01 pm, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

92 visits now to urinals. Faked it twice due to urgency level. Should be good weekend aswell, half day at work Friday so going to desense and do at least 10 visits to various urinals. Then following day will be doing about 3 hours desense with Matt.

Hope everyone else is still progress. Persistence is key.

ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 28/4/2016, 4:44 pm, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

I used a trough twice last Saturday. The first time a mate went at the same time to use the other end of the trough and i had no problem urinating. The second time i was in mid-stream when i big baldy (like "Terror" from 70's movie The Wanderers) came in and stood at the other end followed by a mate's mate who stood in the middle and kept talking to me whilst he was relieving, nevertheless, i was able to continue until my bladder had emptied.
The place i was at was very busy and any amount of men could of come in but it didn't unsettle me at all.
You and Matt will do very well together i am sure!

Re: Progress since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 2/5/2016, 10:31 am, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

Well done on the progress Karl.

I have now passed the 100 mark. 112 visits to public urinals 110 times successful and two times faked it. ðŸ˜€ðŸ˜€. Need to keep going now and get this into the thousands and hopefully by that time no anxiety will remain.

2 months on since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 22/5/2016, 9:10 am, in reply to "Re: Progress since March workshop"

2 months on from workshop. I have now attended 176 urinals and been successful 174 times and faked it twice. This sort of progress would of never happened prior to the workshop. Feel like I am now increasing my visits at a decent rate and hopefully will continue with my progression.

Hope everyone else is still trying their best.

👍👍👍👍

Re: 2 months on since March workshop

Posted by Andrew on 22/5/2016, 9:14 am, in reply to "2 months on since March workshop"

Hi Nick
Sounds good. Out of interest, how are you feeling when in there? In terms of anxiety, expectations that you will go OK, how big a deal it is, or becoming no big deal?
Andrew

Re: 2 months on since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 22/5/2016, 10:38 am, in reply to "Re: 2 months on since March workshop"

Hi Andrew, I usually feel ok when I am in the toilets. My anxiety is now a lot lower than it used to be and I sometimes experience previous thoughts such as will I or will I not be able to go, but when in this situation I now feel out the anxiety and then let the unconscious mind eventually do its work. It is not a big deal compared to when I first attended a session. As discussed previously, this is something that has been embedded in me for over 15 years so I need to increase the amount of exposure to reduce the anxiety further and turn this previous big deal into no deal.

Thanks

Re: 2 months on since March workshop

Posted by Tom on 20/6/2016, 2:50 pm, in reply to "Re: 2 months on since March workshop"

Heyyyy that's an awesome success story. I am determined to experiment like you have. ðŸ‘ðŸ»ðŸ™„

Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 8/7/2016, 10:04 pm, in reply to "Re: 2 months on since March workshop"

I've now made 342 visits to various urinals. Out of the 342 visits I've faked it 3 times due to low fluid levels and been successful in 339 visits. Since the last workshop I'm still completing my journal so that I can physically see my success on paper as I believe this helps your mind to think wow have I really successfully been that many times. Great confidence booster. Going to continue to rack the number of visits up and planning to meet up with Matt again to do some more desense.

Hope everybody is staying upbeat and conquering the prayers is.

Good luck to all.

ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘

Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 11/7/2016, 10:15 am, in reply to "Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop"

342!? sounds like you have been travelling the world to use urinals! I watched a programme on Alba channel a fortnight ago and it was footage of Scotland from 1970. A housing estate had no toilets in them so a public toilet block was built and ques were regularly outside. They showed inside the block and it had no urinals and not even cubicles. Instead it had a piece of wood with two holes next to each other with no partition so you had no privacy whatever you went in there for! Thank God things have changed since those days! I still use a journal and find it very helpful indeed too. I used a urinal last week without fluid loading or much of an urgency level and there were two men in the vacinity although not in line with me. I was well proud of myself! Been desensing with someone here too and that's had a 100% success rate for me and a 95% success rate for him. I have helped and supported him when he has had a misfire and i bear this in mind in case i have nobody to do so for me if i have a misfire. It's all good for programming positivity into one's mind.

Yes!...i am staying upbeat!

Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 11/7/2016, 11:40 pm, in reply to "Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop"

Well done on your achievements so far Karl. I've done 342 visits, however, that is not 342 different toilets. Usually on my daily routine I fluid load and two two toilets in train station on way to work then one visit to shopping centre on my dinner and one visit to train station toilets on way home from work. This is usually my Monday to Friday routine. Outside of this on a weekend I will use urinals at restaurants, cinemas, pubs, shopping centres etc.

Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 13/7/2016, 10:41 am, in reply to "Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop"

Thank you so kindly Nick! Yes i realised you meant visits and not toilets, i was just pulling your leg. I went to a new venue last night and was seeing a comedian with mates. The show was almost on us so i decided best to try and go now instead of during the show in case the comedian singled me out and made a joke. Some guy walked in just ahead of me and i didn't like the layout. The six urinals were all low and set back. He went to the far end so i had to stand nearest the door but as it was set back anyone who walked in would of had a view. Realising that was not a good situation and that as i had hardly drank all afternoon due to feeling unwell, i diagnosed my fluid level as low so faked it. After the show my mates wanted a drink but i declined so sat in the bar with them. I had small cups of free water from a water cooler and later went back to the gents. I was alone but more importantly my level was at a better level and i went straight away without anxiety that someone might walk in. It's good to see you have a very practical and successful routine :-)

Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 1/8/2016, 11:58 am, in reply to "Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop"

I have now been 316 times since the follow up workshop. I have had 2 misfires, 3 latent, faked it 4 times, and 309 successes!
When i am alone at the urinal and wondering if someone else will come in my physical anxiety seems to be nil and my mental anxiety has reduced significantly. In fact, if nobody comes in it is disappointing as it helpful for desensing. However, desensing to the enviroment in this situation is still important so i am just happy to be able to go.
I have even managed to go a couple of times with a low level of urgency.
I have continued positive progress...

Re: 6 months on since March workshop

Posted by Nick on 17/9/2016, 5:41 pm, in reply to "Re: Nearly 4 months on since March workshop"

Latest update is: 530 visits to urinals. 527 successes and 3 times faked it due to urgency level being too low.

Need to maintain this momentum to keep improving the positives in the memory bank. I can't believe there have been so many successes. It's amazing what can be achieved when challenging ourselves.

Going to keep chipping away at this ðŸ‘.

Wishing everyone on here good luck and stay positive ðŸ˜€

Re: 6 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 28/9/2016, 9:59 am, in reply to "Re: 6 months on since March workshop"

It's great to to hear you are doing so positively well Nick.

Here is my positive update:

396 visits, 2 misfires, 4 latent, faked it 4 times, and 394 successes.

I have been revising the workshop every day. Some parts i have trouble remembering and when i remember them i go through everything again.
I do this via a quiz i made up for myself which helps me so much. The most difficult thing for me which i cannot seem to learn is the cockpit drill.

Chatting to my desense bud every fortnight we both find that so many things we learnt in the workshop were true such as people are too busy paying attention to theirselves and not to us, and people using cubicals as urinals with big privacy screens with the door open.

If we only noticed things like this back in the day...

Re: 6 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 30/9/2016, 12:43 pm, in reply to "Re: 6 months on since March workshop"

I have already reached the stage where I don't think much about going to the toilet, not just in public but at home as well.
I quite often forget that someone is close by when I go and have noticed that many men use cubicles with the door open.

A technique I use is this:

If there is one man on my right when I use a urinal, I turn slightly to the left so he is over my shoulder and not across. If there is one man on my left when I use a urinal, I turn slightly to the right so he is over my other shoulder. If someone is across my left and right or next to me I stand further into the bowl.
Once I do this I can concentrate on what I am doing just like a non-paruresis sufferer can because like we learnt in the workshop, "a person can only pay attention to themselves".

I am off to the shop shortly as I have to buy more "Excellent work", "Terrific job", "Well done" stickers today for my diary which I have filled in every single day.
They do 2 sheets for £1 in Poundland and are really positive to look at.

Re: 6 months on since March workshop

Posted by Karl on 9/12/2016, 11:33 am, in reply to "Re: 6 months on since March workshop"

Six weeks on and i have had 126 successes in this time, no failures, and one very latent.

I have used various different urinals in various different locations during these 6 weeks and have been particularly pleased to have had success without fluid loading.

Last weekend i went on a coach trip for the day to visit a friend.
The driver stopped at the services half way into our journey.
I could feel urine in my system but it was a low volume as i had used the toilet at home before i left. I didn't know we would be stopping at services and didn't want to get caught short on the journey.
I wished i had drank something along the way to make sure i could use the services because being a non-driver i do not use service stations and so it was a new enviroment for me to desense in.

The gents layout was pretty good. There were no dividers but there were two rows on the tight, one set on a far wall, and four rows on a wall in the middle of the room (two rows on each side).
I stood at the urinal and nothing was ready to come out so i decided to wait it out until the urine was ready to void itself.
Men used the urinals behind me, one used one about 4 urinals along and one behind me at another set of urinals.
Men came and left the gents and eventually i managed to urinate when there were two men behind me.

Before i got on the coach to come home after the day out, i had a drink and saved up my urine ready for the same toilets on the way back where i urinated straight away.

There was a cleaner around the corner who was cleaning the urinals with a cloth whilst men were urinating and he stood next to a gentleman.
How bizarre he would do that, i thought!

What is your update Nick? you have been quiet!

questions to Karl (or anyone could answer me)

Posted by Nick, Italy on 12/12/2016, 10:00 am, in reply to "Re: 6 months on since March workshop"

Hello to all of you.
I'm Nick, I'm Italian. I've never been to workshop but I'm using Andrew's advice to desense me.
What do you mean by "I use a journal"? Which technique do you refer to?
What's the difference between "misfires", "latent" and "faked"? Maybe I cannot get the English meaning because I'm Italian!

Re: questions to Karl (or anyone could answer me)

Posted by Karl on 12/12/2016, 10:12 am, in reply to " questions to Karl (or anyone could answer me)"

Journal is another word for a diary.
You write down short notes on how you are doing.
Misfires mean you couldn't go when you tried, latent means you were able to pee but the pee didn't come out straight away, and faked means you stood at the urinal when you didn't need to pee just to get used to standing around other men and to get used to the enviroment again.

God luck Nick!

another question to Karl (or anyone could answer me)

Posted by Nick Italy on 12/12/2016, 12:51 pm, in reply to "Re: questions to Karl (or anyone could answer me)"

Thank you. Another question. You mentioned "cockpit drill". What does it mean? The cockpit is the "room" where a plane pilot "drives", isn't it? So "cockpit drill" seems to me to mean something done with a pilot, or in a room with a pilot...I cannot understand! Nick

Re: another question to Karl (or anyone could answer me)

Posted by Andrew on 12/12/2016, 1:30 pm, in reply to "another question to Karl (or anyone could answer me)"

Hi Nick

All these workshop terms must seem mysterious. A person who has paruresis goes into a toilet with no plan, and is a victim of whatever happens in there. A pilot does not go into a cockpit with no plan; s/he goes through a sequence of tasks to prepare to fly the plane. So we are referring to having a plan that you do every time. For instance, when deciding to go to the toilet, pause and breathe deeply and slowly; then walk calmly with head up to the toilet. Go in, choose where you are going and keep your eyes on your destination (this urinal, that cubicle). When in place, breathe deeply and slowly again, relax shoulders, legs, belly. Give yourself permission to take a long as it takes. This routine is an example; make one of your own.
Anyone else got their own example?
Andrew

Re: another question to Karl (or anyone could answer me)

Posted by Nick Italy on 12/12/2016, 2:37 pm, in reply to "Re: another question to Karl (or anyone could answer me)"

Thank you Andrew. You are very attentif! See you soon! Nick

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