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I have not been on this site for some time as I have made no progress and still have all the same problems as when I first posted about 20 months back. I travel long distances for work and drive past service stations prefering to pull into a layby (as long as its empty) and pee into a bottle. i still have all the same social problems i.e. what to do at the pub or out shopping etc.
I have just realised while reading someones earlier post (they made a comment about school) that i can remember a time when I did use the urinals at high school but remember one occation while having a pee that a bunch of older lads came burting in and one of them pushed me into the wall while I was peeing. After that i used a cubicle but then a similar thing happened where a lad kicked the door open. The edge of the door hit me in the head and caused me to become dizzy. I wonder if this was the start of it all but i am confused about it as I also remember another time when much younger, a small child, when I was in bed i wanted to get up to use the toilet but my parents wouldnt let me get up and instead held a potty for me to pee into. I couldnt.
I sometimes think if I could get to the route cause of the problem then it may release me from it as I know at some point I didnt have a problem so why cant I go back there.
I know one thing, I am so fed up with having to plan ahead and cutting trips short. My pee flow is now so weak from streaching my bladder that even when I do go people wonder why I have taken so long. Its because it takes that long to empty. Even when finished i hang around as i know there will be a bit more to follow and then a bit more after that. i dont think my bladder has any elasicity left, its more like a crisp packet than a balloon.
I always go for one last short squirt before bed and my wife has made comments like "well are you going to the bathroom before I turn the light out to do what ever it is you do". At least i can acctually do it even with this pressure but only because the TV is on in the bedroom and she forgets about me while watching plus she cant hear me. I only go because otherwise I will want to pee in the night and cant go without the cover of the TV noise.
How do we get to this, its mad, making all these huge detours through life just to pee like any normal person or any other animal for that fact.
Thanks for listening, my life is seriously affected but at least I can see the humorous side.
Re: No progress/how it started
Posted by Pete on 20/12/2011, 5:11 pm, in reply to "No progress/how it started" Message modified by board administrator 20/12/2011, 6:25 pm
Hi Mark, Being able to laugh about it always helps ! Here are one or two suggestions from my own experience. First, don't look back. You are where you are and you need to go forward, not dwell on causes or what might have been. Start your progress by reading and acting on Stephen Soiffer's book "Shy Bladder Syndrome" and then go on one the UKPT Workshops in London or Manchester, which ever is nearer to you. You could begin by throwing away the bottle and getting out of your car to pee by the roadside in a lay-by. Lots of drivers do, with the car doors open as a shield ! A lot of people find peeing in the open air is easier than in an enclosed space indoors. You don't say how old you are, so remember that eventually most men find that pee-flow decreases with age, especially with an enlarged prostate. If you are worried consult your GP, but go armed with some UKPT literature as many GPs don't know much about paruresis. Finally, does your wife know about your problems with peeing ? If not, tell her (see the recommended book or information on Ukpt site for how to set about it). Getting her "on your side" can make a lot of difference. Best of luck and keep posting. Pete.
Re: No progress/how it started
Posted by Pete(another one!) on 20/12/2011, 9:04 pm, in reply to "Re: No progress/how it started" Message modified by board administrator 20/12/2011, 10:41 pm
I for the best part of 20 years have tried to look back to the root of the problem and I have never been able to remember the start of it all. But the root cause is in a way the same for all of us in a sense that our subconscious mind has taught us to sense a threat so to my mind if It suddenly came to me then it would not make a single difference to the level of my Paruresis. This is what has helped me in no particular order: read all the c.b.t components on the UKPT website. Try a workshop ( I done two, amazing) what have you got to lose, give this thing time, remember that this condition is a bodily reaction i.e it doesn't define you as a person in any way we just rack our brains and get upset,angry and depressed about it but when it comes down to it it is simply your brain shutting up shop so the thing to do is start somewhere where it can happen (I couldn't go anywhere standing up and in most places not at all) , try to build from there using the c.b.t approach. And when you have negative thoughts about what people are thinking about you try to imagine yourself in someone's shoes who doesn't have shy bladder, are they thinking what you think they are? and finally think about telling someone I told my wife and that has helped me and she has been a pee buddy.she was not at all judgmental. I hope this helps. Pete
Like Pete said, the bad news is you can't go back, the good news is that you can go forward! The importance of this can't be underestimated!! Quantum Physics is now proving the power we have to create our future! Try looking towards a positive future. What do you see? Can you picture it being positive? If not, why not?