U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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CBT

Posted by N??! on 23/6/2011, 12:27 pm

I never realised how many people there were that suffered from this. My CBT therapist told me to come on here to realise i wasn't alone. I'm now 18 and finally plucked up the courage to get some help i have only just started CBT and usually at the beginning things get worse and i have been given a few behavrial experiments that are making me really anxious to try. I don't have much faith that things are going to improve and i'm going to try my very best i don't want it to run my life anymore!

Is there anyone who has nearly defeated paruresis?

Re: CBT

Posted by Andrew on 23/6/2011, 7:08 pm, in reply to "CBT"

Hi N

Good to hear from you. The CBT will help you, no doubt about that. Remember that it is a case of taking small steps, each step repeated many times so as to become comfortable with that step.

As for "has anyone nearly defeated it?". Look on our website for the success stories. They are just examples of what can be done.

And even if you dont get to the level of peeing in the middle of Wembley Stadium, you CAN get to a level where it ceases to be a problem, and where you feel comfortable with yourself.

Feel free to share your story here; it is a safe place to do so.

cheers

Andrew

Re: CBT

Posted by Mark L on 23/6/2011, 10:23 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Hi N,

Welcome to the message board. The good news is that you are only 18, not 80! So many people only find out that they are not alone much later on in their lives. Have a read through as many posts as you can, and check out the main website http://www.ukpt.org.uk/

You may want to consider going on a workshop, it is only 1 weekend and will make all the difference.

As Andrew says - feel free to share stories/experiences/progress.

Cheers,

Mark

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 25/6/2011, 9:01 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Hello

Thanks for the replies the only problem i have is that i have a limited time to try and sort out the problem as i am off to university in October so its basically a race against time. There are some inspiring stories on the website

I don't think i'm quite ready to attend a workshop as i'm not even comfortable talking about it yet.

All the best.

Re: CBT

Posted by Mark L on 25/6/2011, 10:12 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

hi,

I was worried about going to uni, so I made sure my halls had en-suite and that I didnt move out into a shared house for the 2nd and 3rd years. Uni is actually a very good opertunity to desense as you can find wc's with more than 1 cubicle and stay in as long as you like. Its a good idea to go during lesson time on your free periods when its quite.

Dont worry about feeling uncomortable talking about it, I only told my wife before attending my first workshop. You will soon feel at ease and find it easy talking to others about it. Maybe going to uni is an insentive to sort this out?

Mark

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 26/6/2011, 9:14 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

I have made sure that the room i'm satying at in halls has an en-suite but i think it will be inevitable that i have to have a shared house as i'n not sure if they allow second and third years to stay in the halls. I think that staying in their too long is my problem in the first place not quite sure I haven't identified the root of the problem yet.

Uni is the insentive I can't go on with life worrying about it! The only person who knows is my CBT therapist at the moment if i'm honest i'm quite embarrassed and can't find the confidence to tell my boyfriend/family/friends.

Thankyou George i'm glad to hear it

Re: CBT

Posted by Mark L on 27/6/2011, 9:37 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Hi N,

telling people about it will only go in your favour. You dont have to tell everyone, live your parents or friends. You will find anyones reaction supportive and they will not think its a bid deal. Have a read of this:

http://ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_How_to_Tell_Someone.htm

All the best,

Mark

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 29/6/2011, 8:13 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

I told my parents my mum just didn't understand how people can even have such a "phobia" and my dad started joking about and making snidey comments to my friends like haha she can only pee in the toilet at home soo be carful in case she pops in Italy!.. didn't really go to plan.

So ye i'm going to Italy on friday we are staying in a hostel with a shared bathroom i obviously did not think this through and i'm really starting to panic! tips?

thanks.

Re: CBT

Posted by Andrew on 30/6/2011, 1:53 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Hi N

Your father is seriously out of court with his behaviour. I suspect you are not assertive? Could you let him know in no uncertain terms how unhelpful and insensitive he is being, and that a father is supposed to be a protector of his children, not a persecutor.

Point out that there is a charity for this condition i.e. the UKPT. To be a charity you have to have a professional reference, as proof that this condition is a known medical one.

Re Italy: get yourself along to your GP and ask to be shown how to self-catheterise. This will allow you to empty your bladder in any situation. Having a catheter on you as a fall back will remove so much anxiety "about being trapped" that you may well find you dont need to use it. BTW women's catheters are so small that they fit into a lipstick shaped container, to go in your handbag.

GPs vary in their reaction to such a request. If negative, politely but firmly ask them what you are supposed to do when you lock up, go to A&E? Point out again that the UKPT exists, as proof that the condition exists.

Basically come to terms that you have to live your life and other people will have to get lost if they do not help you.

Hope this helps

Andrew

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 6/7/2011, 3:34 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Nope im definitely not assertive i wish i was though. I would rather just let him have his own opinion and leave it at that.

Italy: I wasn't able to go to the docs because i was flying the next morning but i managed to plan when i was able to go such as when i was left alone in the room soo it wasn't as stressful

Re: CBT

Posted by colin on 1/10/2012, 4:10 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

i have this problem since my teens, am now 51..only now starting to deal with it..

find a councillor and start talking..don't leave it as long as i did..

Re: CBT

Posted by George on 26/6/2011, 8:09 pm, in reply to "CBT"

Hey, I believe I am about 2/3 of the way to beating this. When I started CBT I was really pessimistic but things will get better. You'll be dead anxious sometimes but things will get better the more persistent you are! keep at it dude!

Re: CBT

Posted by LB on 1/7/2011, 1:21 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Try not to worry about 2nd & 3rd year acommondation just yet. As it happened I ended up sharing a big three storey terrace with 6 others. The advantage was that it had 3 bathrooms and everyone was seldom home all at once. My friend and I had the top floor with a bathroom around a corner at the end of the landing. It worked out ok and it was the best time of my life.

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 17/7/2011, 9:14 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Thanks guys

Re: CBT

Posted by The Therapist on 16/7/2011, 9:25 pm, in reply to "CBT"

I more or less have defeated it and did it using CBT. (Treated myself because I am a psychotherapist. Yes we can have anxiety disorders also)

I have cut and pasted this from another post because it explains (in a very condensed way) how I did it and also will help people understand CBT.

When I was trained in CBT I got a much better understanding of how it was my irrational beliefs (e.g. that everyone is really interested in whether I can go or not.) that was causing my pauresis. I did some behavioural experiments (the core of CBT) and it helped a lot because it showed that my beliefs were irrational. (The primitive parts of the brain involved in anxiety disorders cannot learn new beliefs from a book or a teacher, it only learns from ones own experience.)The experiment I used was to go into a loo when I didnt want to go and try and stay there as long as I could and observe if anyone was looking at me strangely.It was hard at first but in the end I managed to outlast 3 people at the urinal. Nobody even glanced at me.My irrational belief was much weakened after this and things improved from there onwards. In another experiment I also tested my belief that people will think Im weak or weird if they find out that I am pauretic. I have now told about 20 people and had no negative reactions even from people I know are piss takers (excuse the pun).I can go about 95% of the time now and the odd time I cant I just wait it out until I can and it doesnt bother me. If I feel a rush of anxiety I just let it pass. I know that running out would set me back.
Doing the experiments isnt easy. You have to push yourself and some of the relaxation techniques I learnt when I trained in hypnotherapy helped me lower my anxiety a bit before I went into the loo to do the first experiment.

Re: CBT

Posted by N??! on 17/7/2011, 9:04 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

Thankyou for posting this I now know that the experiments that i am doing will be helpful in the long run. Also i really want to be a clinical psychologist and know that having an anxiety disorder won't ruin my chances

I have been given experiments similar to this. I find it very hard to identify the thoughts that come to mind and these experiments have slowly been helping. I have been given experiments to stay in a toilet for 7 minutes which i haven't been able to do yet but i'm getting there Also to come out after other people and look at their reactions. Currently i am trying to find evidence for and against particular thoughts which i hope will help me change them. As for relaxation techniques i struggle to use them.

Do you think 2 months is realistic enough to be on the path to recovery to cope on my own without going to CAMHS for treatment?

Re: CBT

Posted by The Therapist on 29/7/2011, 6:25 pm, in reply to "Re: CBT"

How long it takes to desensitise varies for everybody. The important part of the experiments is the reflection afterwards (usually involves filling in a form comparing your prediction with what actually happened.)
After doing the dont wee experiment my form shows that my belief that people would notice was found to be false.This helped me a lot.

Re: CBT

Posted by cddc' on 6/5/2012, 8:30 pm, in reply to "CBT"

i want to relief from parauresis

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