This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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I recently took part in a beginners workshop and I just wanted to thank Andrew, Mert, all involved in the running/putting together of the workshop and organisation. Also thanks to the other attendees. It was great to meet other people with similar stories to mine. Great to see how normal and cool everyone was. I realise now how negative my thought patterns and behaviour and attitude have been, and since the course I am smiling a lot more and all in all a very positive person nowadays..... or at least the few days since I got back home.
I thought the place would be full of paranoid schizophrenic weirdos, but everyone there was a regular joe, with varied hobbies and active social lifes.... I realise now I also am a regular joe with varied hobbies and an active social life (playing guitar in a live band, boxing, jujitsu, travelling, work, socialising and eating out). In the session we had teachers, rugby players, bikers, to name a few.
Andrew is a great mentor and very supportive and empathetic without being pushy. Shortly before attending the course I decided to tell my girlfriend about my AP, something I thought would be a huge deal. It took me 2 days to work out what to say and build up the guts to tell her, but once I started telling her it was easy.... it was just thinking about telling her was scary.
If you are reading this as an AP sufferer and are thinking about attending a course, I definitely recommend that you do. Its too early to say if I am completely cured, as there are a lot of situations I need to work my way through. But already I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin, I am pissing in places and situations I would have before been scared to even attempt a pee in. The only worries I ever had on the course was 1) booking it, and 2) walking out my house and getting in my car. Honestly, as an AP sufferer it is probably the best thing you could do with your life!
I would like to add a big thankyou to all involved with last weekends London workshop. Well done Simon for being first to post, I too would like to thank Andrew and Mert for their support. Going on the London workshop was lifechanging for me, my attitude towards AP has been turned right around. Instead of AP ruling my life, I feel that the tools needed to beat it are now in my hands. The meeting of people with a common bond is empowering. If anybody out there is dithering over booking a workshop I would say don't put it off any longer.
I'd like to echo the comments of Simon and Matt as I was also on this workshop and although anxious when I arrived I actually found that I was enjoying it at the end and feel a lot more relaxed about my AP.
If you are unsure of attending, as I was (it took me 2 years after finding the web site) don't be as it is really worthwhile as you do learn a lot.
As Matt said you do feel part of a bigger community and that also gives comfort.
Just to update anyone who might be reading this, I attendend a beginners workshop recently (see above post) and have been desensing as much as possible.
This has included going into pub toilets and other public toilets and faking it, which has released a lot of anxiety, just knowing i can go into a toilet without the burden of ''will i, wont i''....
I started a college course since the program, and on the way have been using the public toilets at victoria, mainly to fake it, but have peed a few times...
anyway, i digress. I was desensing tonight (read having a few drinks) in the quietest pubs in my area (but with poor toilet designs from my point of view). Anyway, it was quite busy everywhere I went but I continued and peed in a few urinals. The most interesting thing that happened though (and peeing is getting less and less interesting since the course) is that I went to the toilet, and on the way someone was walking in front of me, also to the toilet.
Not too long ago this would have filled me with dread and I would have changed direction, not used the toilet, but I thought '#### it I'll use the cubicle, I got nothing to be ashamed of.' However, with me behind him, the guy himself went into the cubicle (left the door open though) leaving me with the urinals to myself. Result! I achieved, performed, whatever. Remind me to add this to my diary.
I am fortunate I have been able to desense in very controlled surroundings, but at the same time, if anyone is struggling, all I can say is take the time, find somewhere comfortable and work on your hierachy. I am still parutetic, but I am motivated, dedicated, and above all I believe that I can undo almost 20 years of bad habbits.... (I'm 25 now but I think age and time are irrelevant if you know what you want in life) Good luck everyone. I am sure I will have worse days than this, but at the very least this will remind me to stay positive when the shit does hit the fan !
I removed your message on the other thread; we have to be careful to keep this forum safe for all to use. Certain topics attract poeple who are better served elsewhere. If you have a more personal issue to raise, you can do it by email - the address is at the top of the page.
As for what is done at workshops; again we prefer not to go into details, because we do not want to risk putting anyone off. We use a CBT approach: which means (a) using graduated exposure in a way that is controlled by each individual and (b) a lot of cognitive stuff i.e. dealing with negative thoughts, false assumptions, fears etc.
My apologies about the other post, I tried to explain it in as sensitive way as possible. I was thinking about the whole issue of the Paruresis. It is a very fine line for me. If things aren't almost exactly as they need to be, I can't seem to do it. I am not sure I would want to do a workshop, I really feel like it's taking me to a new low in my life. I know the workshops are probably good, but I really don't think I can see myself doing one. It is good just to be able to type messages like this though. There is a reason behind why it is that I get trouble; I just have to find it.
Walt I seen you been putting a lot of messages up. It is great that you are confronting your fears, online atleast. I would say get yourself onto a workshop. I did one a few months ago and soon to be attending a follow up workshop. I cant stress enough how much the first one has helped me. I am not 'normal' now as you might put it, but I have been getting used to public toilets, seeing how many people will head to a cubicle if i am at a urinal, going in front of the missus - things I would never have done a few months ago. Its never too late to change your ways and you have made the first step by visiting this site and posting your comments. I can never express the appreciation I have for this organisation as I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, and believe that in a workshop or 2 more I will be 'cured' as someone in a seperate post wrote (not their exact words). Just imagine how a few small steps would improve your quality of life, and then take some trust that we are all in the same boat and that it is possible to make these small steps- leading to giant leaps. I hope this helps you, as it helps me also to know there are others like me and others who have benefitted from the workshops
