Posted by Anon on 12/8/2015, 11:05 am

My experience Hi It's difficult to start this and find a good point to begin. I believe I suffer from AP and have done for some time. I am 20 years old and believe my AP started round about 13-14 when I was in a band with 3 other guys who I thought were great friends. We used to practice in one of the guys garage and did so about twice a week and this is where I believe my AP kicked off and it has diminished my life ever since. The 3 other guys could never be bothered going next door to the guys house to use his toilet so they just peed in empty plastic or beer bottles (there were always some lying around somehow). They just peed in front of each other no problem what so ever, not evening turning around or anything just doing it there and they didn't see any problem with it. I was always the reserved one in the band and the most sensible, i never did any drugs with them or drank as much as they did because i didn't want to so i was always kind of secluded from them and i would rather have spent more time with my girlfriend. I never peed in a bottle in front of them because i was worried about my size and couldn't be bothered with them slagging me off, even though they seen in it as just a laugh I've always been a sensitive person. There type of banter was always to take the mic out of each other and insult one an another as some friends do but they were constant. With the same friends I also had another negative experience at the cinema when 3 of us went to the toilet, they both walked up to the urinal but I headed towards the cubicle and they both gave me a disgusted look and asked 'are you gay or something' and i just told them to shut up. Even after i went into the cubicle i couldn't pee cause i felt like they were listening to me, even after they'd left the toilet i still couldn't pee, I just gave up. I left the toilet without even peeing feeling so ashamed and stupid and held it in on the bus trip home for about an hour. A couple of years later we went to a music festival and it was just a nightmare, everyone could just walk up to the fence and piss like it was normal and i just seen it as impossible, i could only go in a portable toilet that everyone used and they absolutely stank and every time i went i felt like my friends where just judging me because they could just piss anywhere no problem, I felt like i was the only person in that 50000 crowd that couldn't piss like everyone else. Eventually I stopped talking to them because they depressed me that much, sometimes i feel like its my fault for being reserved and not relaxing more but being with them just made me feel inferior, so i no longer talk to them. Coupled with hyperhidrosis in my armpits (very excessive sweating) these conditions have made me a very anxious person compared to how i used to be when i was younger. After school i went to uni to study music and it was just a nightmare. Constantly drenched in sweat and having to constantly worry about where i could go to the toilet. Luckily there were disabled toilets near the main entrance that everyone used so i could actually live with it at that point. Unfortunately I dropped out after 1st year, i was struggling with the pressure of the work and other aspects made me hate studying my hobby. Although i believe if it wasn't for my ap and sweating i would still be there. I am being referred to a dermatologist to get my sweating sorted out so right now I feel like I'm dealing with that appropriately. Reading some of the stories on here makes me feel a little less unique but at the same time my phobias are slightly different. My problem seems to be that I cant pee with people I know and that I cant pee in urinals unless I'm pretty drunk (which of course isn't a solution). I can pee in a stall if there are enough stalls and I don't know the person on either side of me. I had a bad experience at school of being in a toilet with only two stalls, a teacher was in the next one that knew me and we walked in together and he pissed no problem while i stood there ashamed as i just couldn't pee. For me to pee in public I have to go in a stall in a big toilet. I don't mind if a stranger hears me because I know he doesn't know me and can't see me. But if I'm walking into a toilet with a friend I just know already that i wont pee, so i avoid it. I believe right now this is holding me back in life. II recently split up with my girlfriend (who knew about my ap, we're still tryingg to be friends) and after the split I realised i need to do something about this. I need to stop living my life in comfort zone otherwise I'm going to get old and regret doing nothing with my life. I've tried to express how ap affects my life and i hope it gets through. My friend also says he's had experiences of shy bladder but he can still go if he forces himself. I dunno if it's also something to do with me being circumcised at a young age and always thought mine looked a bit strange. I just wish I could pee like everyone else and not worry about it? Any advice?

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