Posted by Bill on 14/8/2015, 6:07 pm, in reply to "Paruresis ruiling my life"

Anon, I can empathise a lot with your story. I was bullied as a 6 or 7 year old in the school toilets and I believe this was largely what set off my AP as I grew older. From that age on I always stuck to the cubicle, regardless of anyone being in the toilet, as I associated the toilet with threat and it felt 'safe'. Later on in primary school everyone used to go into the toilet at break time and go to the urinals and I was the only person who went in the cubicle and I used to get teased a lot for that. This was by classmates and people who, in general, I was quite friendly with. It wasn't malicious but it always instilled in me this feeling that I was odd and a little inferior because I didn't feel comfortable using the urinals in a big group and I was in a tiny minority. What I would take heart from, if you can, is this: 1) Even though your friends may have been comfortable just pissing in a bottle straight in front of everyone else, that's not exactly the social norm and I would safely say that a lot of people who do not even have AP would feel uncomfortable doing that - http://arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=546177 2) I was also under the impression that everyone uses urinals all the time. Since tackling AP and desensing I can confirm this is also not remotely true. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been using a urinal and another guy has entered and gone into the cubicle and left the door open. For example, a good friend of mine, who is very confident and easy going, told me won't stand next to someone else at a urinal - he doesn't think anything of it at all and it certainly doesn't affect his day-to-day life. It isn't the be all and end all and you shouldn't feel pressured to be comfortable in that situation. That's the biggest mistake I made in trying to overcome AP - that I HAD to be able to perform all the time and be comfortable in that situation. The result? It only served to heighten my anxiety. 3) The flip side to the above - I always thought all my non-AP mates never ever had any problems using urinals and I was the only person who ever 'locked-up' - again, not true. I've heard a lot of my friends make reference to getting stage fright in the past, the only thing being that they've not been bothered about it and certainly haven't let it affect their self-confidence (like it did me). I'd definitely recommend going on a workshop - it'll help you look at your worries and anxieties in a whole new way.

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