U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: Re: Off a Bridge (part 2) Off a Boat

Andrew...i applaud you for your successes and they are to be absolutely commended on all levels, regardless if you dont feel complete in your journey. i can also relate to the parent belittlement. however, mine didnt start until after i began having problems at the urinal. when i came home from school with a full bladder from not having gone since leaving home in the morning (i still cant use the stalls), it was difficult not having an attitude with anyone, especially when i encountered not being able to go at home either, having to hold it longer just meant more pain which increased my attitude. ever since those days, my mother called me dysfunctionally flawed, and with all good reason; i coudn't pee and was in excrutiating pains. when i released, i was able to smile again. the entire day was reaking havoc on my emotions. the last time i spoke with my mother (more than 5 years ago), she was still calling me dysfunctionally flawed. i have since diassociated myself from her completely because there was never any support from her, even after i told her what was wrong, which also, after having admitted that with her, it only reinforced her opinions that i was truly, dysfunctional. i tried repairing that relationship, but...all it did was tear me down more and i found it was better for me to stay away from her constant insults. i think people call that emotional abuse. the hardest part in my relationship with my mom, has been what other people think when they hear, we dont have a relationship. they immediately think i am some evil guy who hates his mother...when in reality, it was her emotinal abuse and lack of understanding that drove me away.

i guess i said all that because, i feel for you and what that broken relationship may be doing to you. it's hard when you have a parent that treats you like a piece of trash and you keep trying to make it better. after years of trying, i gave up. i had to. i was losing myself trying. I hope things work out for you...it's always hard losing a parent, especially when their still alive and you know they dont give a crap about you.

stay focused and dont lose sight...