U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: Off a Bridge (part 2) Off a Boat

Hi Joe

i would imagine there are many parents out there whom are not liked by there children due to their poor parenting. Poor parenting, however, could be due to their parents being abusive - mentally or physically.

Over the years, I came to realise something. This something was extremely difficult for me to accept but I had to allow the feeling in anycase... I don't like my father. Let me explain this so as not to misquote. It wasn't waht my father did to me as a child, though it certainly didn't help, it is the fact that he is not my sort of bloke. He is rude, false, pathetic, boring, doesn't have his own opininion - he forms his on other peoples, this is to name a few.

He may be my father but, on a personal level, he's the kind of bloke I would meet and think 'what an arsehole'!! And do you know what, Joe, he is an arsehole.

However, my fathers faults are perhaps not his own doing. His father treated him in the exact way he treated me. He gave him no love, no encouragement, he belittled brothers and sisters and his own wife. My father didn't break the chain, sadly. I have though, and that's the important thing. I may have struggled through my life but, without sounding conceited, I'm a nice bloke. Everything my father is, I am not!

Joe, my words are not advice, they are simply my story. You may or may not connect with what I am saying but, the fact of the matter, which you need to take time to think about, is that your mother may have suffered exactly the same abuse which she put you through. It was not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong to deserve the mental abuse which you received. On the assumption your mother suffered abuse, like my father did, and whether or not your mothers parents are around, your mother will never receive the love and care which she herself longed for as a child. In addition, something which us children often forget, our mum's and dad's are not just our parents, they are children themselves, they are brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, mates, work colleagues. They have their own baggage to carry.

I hope you can make sense of what I am saying. It won't make life any better, but it may help you recover from some of the hurt that parents (sometimes unknowingly)cause. If your mother did suffer herself, you may be able to connect on a different level.

Pete