U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: Phobia

Hi everyone,
First time posting. Spent the last few weeks reading much on the forum, both this one & USA. It's provided a huge insight in to my condition. Like many others, I really did think I was unique & suffered in silence. I'm 47 & looking back the saddest aspect is the extent to which I have allowed this phobia to dictate my life.
Perhaps the main realisation reading through is that avoidance paruresis is indeed a phobia. A phobia is an irrational fear that causes the sufferer to flee if possible. That's the real problem isn't it?. We lock up irrationally & 'avoid' the cause wherever possible.
That realisation leads to the obviouse conclusion. As with any other phobia, avoid it & it gets worse.
That in turn for me leads to the answer which I am sure is what the workshops & all other advice is about. Some how we need to stop avoiding & then deal with the fear. Paruresis is of course different in that we want 'to do something' & our failure is on a sub-conscious level effectively beyond our control.
This in turn if you will bear with me leads to the one question to which we all need an answer. How to deal with it when we feel embarrassed by our inability to pee at will. Be prepared to deal with that & the need to avoid goes away. It's the avoidance that cripples our lives, not the inability to pee. We can all get home or find another less crowded loo, depending upon our level of severity. Personally, I'm not sure how bad mine is because I avoid so much. I just don't want to deal with the embarrassment as I perceive it.
I've read the "stuff it, I just don't care" line & I'm sure that's right, but still I avoid. I don't have to beat the paruresis. It's the avoidance that is the problem. I suspect if I can do that the other problem will start to evaporate, that's the problem, not the pee!.
For me to stop avoding, I have to believe I can handle the envisaged outcome, if & when it does happy. That is where I feel I need advice. How to cope with those negative fears of what someone might think or say if shock, horror I can't pee on command.