Posted by Andrew on 4/8/2008, 10:52 am, in reply to "Phobia"

Hi Simon Good to hear from you; you are spot on in most of what you have written, You said: “For me to stop avoiding, I have to believe I can handle the envisaged outcome, if & when it does happen. That is where I feel I need advice. How to cope with those negative fears of what someone might think or say if shock, horror I can't pee on command.” Paruretics always feel that they will have to tell the whole story, warts and all – and it is too embarrassing to contemplate. But those who don’t have paruresis will just say “uh huh water works problems. Doesn’t seem to be happening this time” and shrug it off. People know about the prostate, and there is an expectation that older guys may have difficulty from time to time. As for what others think. The feedback from those who have taken our advice and have confided to others on a “need to know, and I trust them” basis, is the complete absence of shock. A minority of listeners will be able to empathise, or will know someone (even themselves) who struggles in certain situations; others will listen to you, sympathise, and then move on to another topic: they will even have forgotten you told them a few hours or days later. Why? Because it is NOT a big deal for them; it is only a big deal for YOU. On our website is a short script on how to tell someone, and survive. it works, try it. A powerful tool in the treatment of this condition is what we call “faking it”. It is to enable you to get used to being in an uncomfortable situation and to learn to manage the anxiety of being there, without the added pressure of having to pee. So, making sure you definitely do not need to pee, you go to the toilet (home, cubicle, urinal) whatever is the one little step out of your comfort zone, and you go through the motions. You take your time, you wash your hands, you read your body and your thoughts, and you start to find ways to manage it all. You repeat this exercise preferably every 5 –10 minutes for at least half a dozen times. You will find your anxiety lessening each time, and many eventually find it becomes boring – great. The spin off is that you have found that when you go to the toilet and you do not pee, the alarms do not go off, and there is an absence of reaction! As a result, they realise that when they do need to pee, and they are standing or sitting there taking the necessary time to relax, it is just like faking it - and THAT worked OK , so this is OK. Do read the contents of our linked website, there is a lot of useful advice there. Oh.. and do come back to talk this through :-) best Andrew Chairman

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