Last weekend I attended the ukpt workshop in Manchester. Previously, I had attended the virtual workshop from the International Paruresis Association and was already practising desensitisation. This had given me a good direction for the future but it doesn’t compare to what I’ve experienced this weekend.

I can say a lot of things about the workshop, about how good it was, the excellent guidance, about the challenges, about the connection I felt to the other participants . But what I want to share is what happened on the way back home, just to give an insight in how all the different things you learn add up. At Schiphol AirPort I decided to use the restroom to keep the exposure going. I had learned to practice, practice, practice. I came in and chose a urinal in the corner which looked ‘comfortable’ to me, because I had learned that exposure is about succes and not about making it harder on yourself. Standing there, I experienced latency. I had learned that this is normal with low urgency and more challenging situations. I outwaited two guys who stood next to me. I had learned that at the urinals people are unusually close in your personal space and it’s ok to not like that. After that I started a stream. Again somebody stood next to me. I ‘choked’ but I had learned some small relaxtion techniques and soon enough I was peeing again with somebody next to me!

When I left the restroom suddenly the biggest smile ever appeared on my face, from ear to ear. I couldn’t take it off. I realised that during my time in the restroom I had experienced little to no anxiety! This felt like true magic! In the end, that was the most important aspect for me, losing anxiety. That is what you learn at the workshop.

I have been suffering from paruresis for more than over 30 years with episodes I can describe as severe (not being able to go in my own home when others are present). It has made me depressed and suicidal. But I have now experienced that it can change. Therefore, if you’re in doubt about following a workshop, just try it! I had to travel from the Netherlands but knowing what I know now, I would have flown to the other end of the world.

Hello Hugo, it was good to meet you and all the other guys at the Manchester beginners’ workshop; and it's great to hear your story of the trip home.

I'm not as far forward on my journey, but I can only re-iterate what you say about how good the workshop was, the excellent guidance, about the challenges we face, and about the connection I too felt to the other participants - all of us were 'normal' guys .

If anyone is reading this unsure about taking the plunge to attend a beginners workshop, all I can say is 'just do it !!'. I promise you won't regret it.

Hi Hugo. So sorry to read your paruresis has made you depressed and suicidal in the past. I hope this condition will never make you feel that way again. It does grab control of our lives in many difficult ways and is terribly frustrating. I’m very glad to read you went to a workshop and that you have learnt things from that. I’ve done remarkably well since attending the workshop and the follow up workshop a few years back now from learning what we were taught and weekly practice. Try your best to maintain your hard work and positivity and you will get better.

Good post Ian and well done for attending the workshop.
It’s good you pointed out that other attendees are regular people.
Best of luck with future successes and less misfires.