This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
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I have suffered from paruresis for as long as I can remember. To a very large extent it has defined my life, limiting opportunities in work, travel, and my personal life. Around the year 2000 I sought hypnotherapy, which was not successful but at least gave me the chance to talk to someone who took the problem seriously. As I got older, I took less and less risks until I could feel my world shrinking. Finally, about 3 years ago, I felt on the verge of collapse and went to my GP, who knew nothing about the condition, but through him I was able to get some CBT, which has at least restored my stability and given me some useful tools to help. I knew by then of course that there were many other sufferers, but I have always been too ashamed to speak about my condition. I always use a cubicle to urinate, preferring as secluded a facility as possible, preferably with a full length solid door. Travel is almost impossible, because of the fear that I will be unable to find any suitable toilets en route or at my destination. What I need to know, obviously, is where to go (in both senses). Last year, an idea occurred to me. What if sufferers around the country were to pool their knowledge and review which toilets they considered "safe" in their own local area? Could we build a map of the country as a free website which anyone could consult, enabling some peace of mind when travelling? It`s possible that such a resource already exists, and I have simply not encountered it (in which case, please tell me where it is!). If not, could we organise one? I know it would be of benefit to me. I`d like to know if other people with paruresis think this is a good idea, and whether anyone would be willing to contribute.
You can also google search Paris toilet map, Rome toilet map etc, etc for some countries around the world and have them at your fingertips when you go travelling.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck for your future in dealing with your paruresis. P.S Fellow paruresis sufferer are sypmathetic to each other so don't be embarrassed any further.
Dear Mark I'm Nick and you can find my complete story in this forum. Me too, I've been paruretic since my early childhood. Yes your idea is good, I do not know how to collaborate but I can do my contribution. I live in Italy. However, don't renounce to win your paruresis. Gradually, you can do it. As far as I'm concerned, the first good experience was one time my father positioned himself next to me in a public toilet (there was simply a wall against which you were supposed to urinate!) and I was able to void my bladder because I felt protected by him (after I had retained my urine for many hours, my bladder was on the point of bursting out, but I could not urinate alone in that toilet!) . It was as if he were a shelter, and I could urinate even if at a certain point another man entered the toilet. It was the first time I succeded. I was 18. (Now I'm 54) After that, what helped me a lot was to urinate in the open air in the mountains. At the beginning, I had to find very hidden places to urinate, but little by little I fouund out that I could urinate in more "public" places in the woods of the mountains. Recently, I came into this site and I had a fruitful mail exchange with Andrew. I started desensitization by myself and I can assure you I obtained good results. Now I have also asked one of my best male friend if he can help me, simply by standing next to me when I'm trying to urinate. He's a very closed friend and he said Yes. We haven't yet started practising, but I think it is a good idea to share your problem with a male friend you care a lot for, a very close and trustful friend. He can help you a lot in my opinion. Keep in touch Nick
Thanks Nick and Karl. I feel that perhaps I have reached the stage where I need to go a step further. There is the option of more CBT, aimed at improving things. I suppose the trouble is that, at 47, I`ve had this problem so long that I don`t really BELIEVE I can conquer it. Intellectually, of course, I know it can be done, but the mind likes to sabotage itself with doubt.
If you read all the feedback postings from participants at the UKPT workshops, you will see what a wide range of men and levels of conditions have benefited from the workshops. And you will too. The workshops use a CBT approach, that is honed by 14 years and 90+ workshops' worth of experience. They are unique outside the USA. It has to be worth a try :-
We all reach that stage Mark and that is why we have found this website and attended the workshops. I've been a sufferer for over 20 years, am in the same age group as you, and didn't even consider age to be a factor in whether i could improve or beat my paruresis, i just got on with trying and practising. I can tell you that men of all different ages attend the workshop for help as there were men in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, and 60's at the one's i went to. As discussing this problem is new to you i can suggest you read all the posts on this message board. You don't have to read them all in one go but can make notes as to what you read last so you can continue where you left off. You may find specific posts particularly helpful and you could copy and paste them into an email and send it to yourself to save them in a safe place and go back to them anytime for reference. Alternatively, you can note down the name and date of the post in a diary then go on the message board anytime and find them. You will be signed up to receive emails of new messages on the board so won't miss out on what's going on here. Nice to hear from you again :-)