U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by Si on 9/4/2013, 1:43 pm

Hello, 1st time poster on here. I've suffered with this for nearly 20 years with varying degrees of severity. For a while I found it difficult go anywhere outside of my own home but there have been periods where I've not suffered too badly at all. Every time I have a plane journey to do, I get ridiculously anxious however. I'm just about to fly trans-atlantic (about 8 hour flight) and I build the trip up for weeks in advance, convincing myself that I wont be able to go on the plane and crucially, that if I don't manage to it on board, the pressure on going when I get to the airport or to my final destination will be so immense that it will stop me from going - hence the viscous circle. I have become very good at selling myself the worst case scenario. However I have forced myself to go on plenty of flights. In fact, on short haul flights, when I don't feel any pressure to go, I can always go freely. It's just when I think I must go that I develop this flight reaction... I've done (much longer) flights to Hong Kong, Australia, west coast USA etc and every time I've been able to go on the plane. Often after 4 or 5 attempts at visiting the toilet. However past success does not seem to make each subsequent trip easier.

Why is it that I don't think to myself 'Well, you managed to go last time, so of course you'll be able to go this time as well...' Each time I have a reason why 'this time will be different' and I really don't seem to be any better at coping with the anxiety build up the week before.

I am lucky enough to be travelling 1st class, however this adds another dimension to the stress. There are so many cabin crew to look after the passengers, that they're monitoring every move. I will have a sense of them knowing that I'm in the cubicle and feel increased pressure as a result.

I am in a routine of holding my bladder daily for 8 hours having avoided fluids beforehand and I produce about 350ml in that time. Figuring that my bladder must be able to hold at least 500ml, I should be able to last a good 10 - 12 hours without going which gives me some solice.

I don't think my paruresis is that bad anymore. If I can go once during the flight I'll be fine - I know that. I just want to know how to stop myself obsessing about it before hand, which is the biggest self fulfilling prohecy going. Of course I'm not gonna be able to pee if I think I've got everything riding on it. Any advice or thoughts appreciated

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by William on 9/4/2013, 6:19 pm, in reply to "Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

you can go to urinal every hour, 8 x,,, why do you think everyone will be watching how many times you go ?

no one will care, they will be too busy with other things.

I go pee every hour at work, no one cares.

take the pressure off yourself,,, you can go every 30 mins
if you want. your lucky you are not in economy class.

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by Mark L on 9/4/2013, 8:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

Hi Si,

Its the 'boo' monster telling you you cant go, no matter how well you've coped before. Very good idea to visit the plane toilets even when you dont need to go.

I had the same problem when I was booking my honeymoon flight to the US, so got myself some catheters through my GP. Was refered to a urologist then a practice nurse. You can carry them on you (several at a time in your pocket). Knowing you've got a 100% garunteed means of being able to pee normally reduces the anxiety enough to not actually ever need to use them! If you know you'll have a catheter with you, it wont matter if you cant go naturally, so you'll not worry about it.

It does take a month or so to obtain them through the NHS, and I dont know when your flight is but for future reference maybe? Otherwise you may be able to order some onilne..

Hope that helps,

Mark

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by Si on 9/4/2013, 9:41 pm, in reply to "Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

Thanks for the advice. I find the idea of a self cath tough. Not sure I could do it, although fully appreciate what you say - if you have a guaranteed 'out' then there's nothing to worry about.

My flight is Sunday.

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by William on 9/4/2013, 10:13 pm, in reply to "Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

si, good luck on the flight, we have all been there.
remember that in reality, you have no audience,,,we as pauretics always think we have an audience,,,to perform to, to look great in front of and hide our pauresis from.

who the heck is going to remember after the plane ride, how many times you went or how long it took ?
only you .

airplanes can make anyone anxious and make it more difficult to pee.
the anxiousness is not a problem if you don't make a big thing out of it.

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by William on 10/4/2013, 12:13 am, in reply to "Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

forgot to mention that you can also walk around or lay back in your chair for awhile,, .... sitting places pressure on the prostate and bladder, and cuts down circulation,,makes it harder to pee

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by Andrew on 10/4/2013, 10:16 am, in reply to "Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

Hi Si

As you say, it is all in the mind. The CBT approach to this anticipatory anxiety is as follows. You cant stop the anxious thought popping up. But what you can do is to challenge it (as if it is coming from an outside agency; we call it the Boo Monster) by asking "where is the evidence?"

"You wont be able to go" Answer "I have always been able to go before"

"They are watching you go" Answer "If they are interested in my going to the toilet, then they have got a problem, not me!"

"They are wondering why I am going so often" Answer "as above, plus they will assume I have diarrhoea"

Remember that in first class, the staff will do anything to accommodate the customer. Why? Because they want you to fly again, it is so lucatrive for them. They are used to unreasonable behaviour from demanding clients. In your case you are not being unreasonable and you are not being demanding, so they wiill be well disposed to you.

When in the toilet, it is yours for as long as you need it. Take a book with you to help you relax.

Avoid eye contact with passengers and staff as you go and return, otherwise you start wondering why they looked as they did i.e. why did s/he smile, why did s/he not smile?

As you are familiar with the toilets, you dont need to check them out. Avoid going too soon, when your urge to go is small and exacerbated by anxiety. On the workshops we give the participants a chance to find out to what extent they can let their bladder fill up, and how they think they need to go, when in fact they dont. Eventually when they have a strong but not uncomfortable urge, they find it easier to start a flow.

Standing to pee in an aircraft toilet can be a bit awkward especially if you are tall. So sit instead; it is more relaxing. It is also considerate as there is less chance of peeing on the seat or floor!

To repeat: tackle your Boo Monster by challenging it for the evidence. Get stroppy with it, dominate it, tell it to f**k off.

Comments?

Andrew

Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation..

Posted by Si on 10/4/2013, 2:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Long Flight ahead - the anticipation.."

Thanks Andrew, that's helpful advice and of course the rational, logical side of me (which surprisingly is what dominates both my decision making and relationships on a daily basis) knows that you are absolutely right. I have the ability to say to myself that worse case scenario - ABSOLUTE worst case scenario is that at some point after I arrive in Canada, I will have to see a Dr and have a cath administered. I know that my life is not at risk, however my irrational side tells me that in a plane toilet on a long haul flight, I am in mortal danger!

As you say, I have successfully managed long flights before - indeed much longer flights with much more challenging circumstances at the other end. I am trying to tell myself that at least this time, the other end is a hotel room with my wife and no time pressure.

Oddly, my paruresis is improved in recent years. For me, the decisive factor is how much importance I place on voiding. If there is no perceived danger - ie I am near to either a cubicle or within a reasonable distance of a 'safe' toilet then I can go. It's when I feel somehow 'trapped' by the situation - eg long plane trips - when the opportunity to go outside for a walk and calm myself down is not there that I have real difficulty. Also the anticipation of the plane moving as I'm trying to relax gets me a bit as well. I tried to explain to my wife, that if the toilets on the plane were down a long corridor, and there was a bank of 10 loos in a row, I expect I wouldn't have a problem. But when there's essentially a single box in the middle of a load of people, that's a nightmare...
But like I say, short haul is never a problem, because I know that I can go when I arrive and there's no issue with me holding it in for xxx hours. It's just that 8 hours + is on the cusp of what I can hold in, and that in turn creates extra pressure on being able to go at the destination!
It's a topsy turvy pain the f**ing neck. I hate it.

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