U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Andy L on 17/3/2013, 10:15 am

Hi every, here is my story.
Since the age of about 10, I have had a problem with urinals. At 10 I moved into senior school and to be honest, I can't ever remember a time where I actually went for a wee at school. I do remember being in pain every day around 2pm where I really needed to go.
At 16 I went out to work and worked in a clean room for 14 years. Toilet time meant being locked in a cubicle once a day and any intake of liquid during the day was kept to a minimum.
After this, the next 8 years has been spent working at airports and still a daily trip to the loo still has its problems.
I can use a urinal, but only if I am the only person there. The flow never starts quickly, and if somebody walks in before the flow has started, it's game over.
The only thing I have found that helps, is to focus on something, (like a screw head on a piece of pipe work, or the corner of a tile, or maybe even a mark in the urinal), i find this bit helps to distract me from what is going on around me and stops me looking around. Take a breath, and let it out, but here's the thing, I keep letting the breath out till my lungs are really empty. It only helps a little, but its something.
This problem I have also gets better with alcohol. On a recent night out in fancy dress, I was so worried about going out dressed as Michael Jackson, (wig, costume, face darkened a bit), that I had to have a few drinks to get me out the door. But in the club, I could pee in a trough style urinal with hardly any problems, the thought of which now, seems frightening. Strange.
I feel great just posting this and am happy that I have found this site.
I look forward to any replies and comments.
Andy

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by clive on 17/3/2013, 7:30 pm, in reply to "I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

hi there,
you are not, loads of people have the same problem (obviously it's different for women), you would be amazed. Go on the course, it will open your eyes.
I followed my older brother for a piss the other day & stood next him (1 urinal in between us) for the 1st time in life.
actually, it has pretty much wrecked my career but i think that's because us guys just aren't good talkers ...
Try the course, as I said you will be amazed. Clive

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Mark L on 19/3/2013, 2:03 am, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

Hi Andy,

Welcome to UKPT. Thanks for sharing your story, which is all too familiar! Have a good read through the posts on here, and get booked on to a London or Manchester workshop asap!

Cheers,

Mark

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Andy L on 21/3/2013, 7:10 am, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

Thanks for the replies guys. I have been trying the breathing techniques mentioned on this site and I must say things have got a tiny bit better. Not had a chance to field test yet but I'm sure the time will come.
Another concern I have is flow rate. Even in my own home, when I get going, my rate of flow is slow. I'm not sure if this is part of the initial problem or not. Is it usual for people who suffer with paruresis to have a low flow rate?
I like the idea of the course, it's just having that much free time on the date that the next one is being held. I will look into it.
Cheers

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Mark L on 22/3/2013, 12:51 am, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

Hi,

A slow flow rate can be due to an enlarged prostate or a narrow uretha (the tube the wee goes down, think thats the right name!). This will increase the time it takes to start, which doesnt help having paruresis at the same time!

Another problem relating to paruresis could be due to having held a full bladder for a long time, and over time this causes the bladder walls to stretch and weaken. Its the bladder muscle that squeezes, and the more its stretched then the less elasticity it has, therefor less flow rate.

Sorry if thats hard to understand, Im just quoting from memory!

Mark

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by AndyM on 22/3/2013, 6:29 pm, in reply to "I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

I warn against drinking alcohol or taking drugs to overcome paruresis. With time, you'll need more and more to achieve the same effect. It doesn't always work, and the cure is worse than the disease. Get ye to a Workshop. It's drug-free, legal, non-fattening...and it works. --Good Luck--

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by william on 22/3/2013, 7:49 pm, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

agreed, any crutch like avoidance, alcohol, drugs is to be avoided, otherwise
the phobia will become worse.

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Andy L on 23/3/2013, 8:26 pm, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

I'm not saying I use alcohol to help me, I'm just saying I noticed that it helped lots. I think it numbed the thought that people were watching. I drink about twice a year, and that's when I go on a serious night out. If it gets me out and about and peeing in front of people, then I'm one step up the ladder I say.
I'm not fat, and have no sign of "fattening", so no worries there.

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by Andy L on 1/10/2013, 12:53 pm, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

Well, a quick update.....

I have been on Embarrassing bodies, (not as a main person on the big wall on TV), and SKYPED with one of the docs. He said it could be one of 2 things, Urethral stricture of enlarged prostate. (as well as a bit of shy bladder).
Since then, I have had flow tests, (went ok considering), blood tests, (all ok) and my prostate checked (twice). Then I had a flexible cystoscopy and this proved the enlarged prostate. I have been given tablets to help shrink it a bit to see if it helps. In a word, yes, it has. I have even started using urinals in public toilets as I know it will be much easier to get the flow started and not left standing while other people come and go. OK, so i'm not standing next to other people yet and going, but its a start.
I have another flow rate check in a weeks time, then a decision has to be made on an operation on the prostate. (TURP maybe).
If all goes well I'll be happier in the knowledge that I can pee quicker wherever I go, lol
Whether I have shy bladder or not, I'll soon know, but I always thought I did.
Andy

Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then.

Posted by william on 3/10/2013, 12:31 am, in reply to "Re: I'm new here, I'm not alone then. "

you probably have both, a physical and a mental condition.
When the physical problem is improved (as in my case of bladder neck
constriction corrected surgically, I say improved because
mine was basically an incision procedure, but not approaching
the efficiency of
what nature could have endowed)

The mental problem or conditioning will remain, albeit, it
will now be easier to decondition . But you still will
have the learnt anxiety, maybe for a shorter time before
starting stream. But you still have to deal with standing there
and the anxiety before the stream starts.

Your subconscious is anxious due to conditioning (for 50 yrs in my case.)
That much conditioning will not disappear over night.
There is alot of recovery work ahead in my opinion.

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