U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.For further information, visit our website, or contact us at

[ RETURN TO MESSAGE INDEX PAGE ] [ POST A REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE ]

Landmark day today

Posted by The Therapist on 18/8/2011, 9:00 pm

As you will see from my previous posts I have more or less got over my pauresis in the last year. But today was a landmark day for me. Today I was at the very top of my hierachy of fear. Small toilet, 2 urinals close together and the person next to me strikes up a conversation. Although I noticed a slight restriction in flow indicating maybe a tiny bit of anxiety I was able to go.
I believe my CBT training was instrumental in this. Noticing micro safety behaviours and resisting the urge to do them is critical. Let me explain. As I entered the toilet I thought I sensed somebody walk in behind me. I had the urge to turn around and check but this would be a safety behaviour which would tell the amygdala (brains fear response centre) that there was danger. Instead I carried on to the urinal telling myself it doesnt matter if there is someone behind me or not. Well there was someone behind me and he started a conversation. In the past if someone talked I would panic but this time I concentrated on going and answered when I was ready. Understanding how our behaviours affect our thoughts and physical reactions (the misfire) is what CBT is all about and I am so glad I trained as a therapist.It has been a great help to me and I have been able to help many others who have different anxiety disorders to me and show them how changing your behaviours can reduce anxiety problems

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Colin on 20/8/2011, 11:42 am, in reply to "Landmark day today"

I am glad to see you using the discussion board for one of its most important uses. You can tell people of your successes!
When you have an experience such as you describe above, you feel you want to rush up to the first person you see outside and say "You'll never guess what I've just done"! But of course you can't tell anyone. Except that is other Paruretics.
The important part is that not only does it make it easier for you to keep a bank of successes in your head, but it also gives support and encouragement to others. Thanks for sharing this with the rest of us.

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Cpt. Capricious on 22/2/2012, 10:16 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

Hi Therapist,

It's nice to hear someone say there "over" there Paruresis...It's a major relief for people like myself just starting out on that journey. Thanks for sharing!

This may be a little off topic but I have to to say that having Paruresis has made me think on more than one occasion about following a career in psychology, Is it a hard (academically) thing to do?

L

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by The Therapist on 15/3/2012, 12:48 am, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

Hi Cpt
Sorry for the late reply. My pauresis got me interested in psychology so I trained in Hypnotherapy £2500 course then in CBT £1100 course and now Im doing a counselling diploma. £2500 again. Then I have to pay for supervision for three years to get BACP accredited.Even after all that I still will not be able to make a living out of it. So yes its difficult but its wonderfully rewarding.I do it in my spare time and have a full time job as a quality manager.I have overcome my pauresis and also helped many others overcome phobias and anxiety disorders of all sorts.(though never treated anyone for pauresis). So in my view its all been worth it. Even the 8 2500 words essays I have to write this year. But as a living I would not recommend it for financial reasons. Unless of course you can get local health authority or a large company to train and sponsor you

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Andrew on 23/2/2012, 5:05 pm, in reply to "Landmark day today"

Hi Therapist

Safety behaviours: how right you are! Thank you for your very useful inputs.

Andrew

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by dolphin on 1/10/2012, 4:51 pm, in reply to "Landmark day today"

i have just started to deal with my social anxiety/shy bladder problem. have it all my life.
right now i'm just standing at urinals..looking as if i am peeing..
things that go through your mind/negative thinking.. before you get to location/toilet..library..supermarket..train station..is something i find very hard to deal with..
i find one of the worse situations in the toilet..is just me and another person..separated by 5 urinals..is complete silence..no running tap/flushing toilet/other voices..
have you experienced that

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by The Therapist on 2/10/2012, 8:26 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

Yes a year a two ago a quiet toilet with someone else 5 urinals away was too much for me. I would get the negative thoughts, feel very anxious and leave. However as I started using my CBT and desensitisation training I found I could do 4 urinals apart, then 3 then 2 then 1.
Occasionally I have a lock up when someone I know is next to me in a quiet toilet but it is very rare.I just wait them out and I don't get the shakes like I used to. 99% of the time I am fine even in the busiest or quietest toilets. It is a slow process though. It took me about two years to get where I am.

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Pete on 11/3/2013, 12:38 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

Hello to everyone
Not yet reached landmark day yet but I have been writing down my thoughts at the urinal in a bid to help myself
So here goes this one example today.
I was standing alone at the urinal and thinking that if the door opens and someone comes in then I would feel sort of not in my own space or dominated by that person you know the typical shy bladder crap bo monster stuff.this was slowing down my progress but the urge was coming until someone did come in and stand one away from me and started peeling and then what happened then was my urgency whitch was a good 8 disappeared so then I am trying to figure out my thoughts. But I felt nothing,no anxiety boo monster etc so I just feel How can i help myself if i feel nothing.Other times I think my body just automatically goes into an alert state instantly but I don't feel really nervous
, get the shakes or have a panic attack . I wish I did sometimes ! I just want to help myself
A penny for your thoughts? Pete

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Andrew on 13/3/2013, 12:50 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"
Edited by board administrator 13/3/2013, 12:51 pm

Hi Pete

It sounds like progress if you dont get shaky or panicky in that situation. The loss of urgency is evidence that the subconscious has gone into alert state, but consciously you are relaxed; good. To get the unconscious comfortable with the situation means desensing regularly. Only you know if that should be with a guy one away, or whether there needs to be a bigger separation. Remember also that you can wait the guy out.

cheers

Andrew

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by Pete on 14/3/2013, 8:15 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

Thanks Andrew
Sometimes we don't realise what is going on in front of us.
By writing things down, I.e my thoughts I realise that The symptoms(lock up) are starting before I get in the toilets.But I have been doing this a long time mabye 25 years and I suppose you stop noticing after a while and just go round and round in circles and I have been doing this for years. I still get anxious when people are next to me but it has got better.
I understand about a heiracy (two workshops) whitch I would recomenmend highly. there has been improvement but this is work in progress. Cheers

Re: Landmark day today

Posted by william on 15/3/2013, 2:00 pm, in reply to "Re: Landmark day today"

hi everyone, yes the adrenalin or the tension
as in fight or fright response can happen when thinking about
going to pee before getting near the washroom.

The symptoms are the loss of urgency, etc.
So when you go in, you have no desire to empty the bladder.

I usually try at the urinal, if it does not come out in a
few minutes, I walk back out, walk 5 mins and walk back in when
urgency returns.

« Back to index

1224

[ U.K. PARURESIS TRUST ]

UNITED KINGDOM PARURESIS TRUST WEB SITE