U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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female issues

Posted by Ann on 3/1/2011, 10:11 pm

Hi - I have only just discovered this website and discussion board having had intermittent paruresis problems for a number of years. I've largely found my own ways of dealing with it but from time to time it gets worse - usually around holidays, which I refuse to give up although they do sometimes cause anxiety using public toilets, queuing, planes etc. When the problem is at its worst I find that I have get repeated bouts of cystitis, presumably because I hold on to my pee too long for my own good - I wonder if any other women experience this? I also wonder if anyone gets any relief through the use of anti-depressants?

Re: female issues

Posted by Ann on 6/1/2011, 8:02 pm, in reply to "female issues"

Not really a response as I made the original posting - I'm surprised to have had no responses - is this indicative of paruresis being more a male than a female problem, or did I scare off responses by heading it "female issues"?

Re: female issues

Posted by Mark L on 6/1/2011, 10:49 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann,

Yes this problem does mainly affect men and there are very few female posters on here. Im sure soon enough someone will see this and reply

Mark

Re: female issues

Posted by Lusy on 7/1/2011, 8:54 am, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann,

Sorry not to have responded sooner x

I have had AP for years and, like you, thought I was the only one until I found this site. I have to say that finding out it wasn't just me was a Godsend! I wasn't weird any more...or rather, I am weird AND normal!!

I'm not sure that it does 'mainly affect men' but certainly, in this discussion board there are more men than women! Anyway....

I can't answer your query re: anti-depressants, because I've never used them (although actually, I probably should) but regarding the comment about cystitis, I have had the issue as a link, but didn't connect that it might have been connected, if that makes sense? It probably IS that urine is being held onto, and therefore can cause cystitis...which is cured in part by drinking more water...hello vicious circle!!!

Please post again, and I promise to keep a closer eye on the board x

Re: female issues

Posted by Jane on 7/1/2011, 11:12 am, in reply to "female issues"

Hi Ann

I've just seen your message, there seem to be just a few of us women on here. It's good to make contact with you.

I have had very occasional cystitis, but can't recall it being linked to any particular paruresis problem. I have had similar symptoms through the use of catheters, which don't seem to be a good solution for me, although I know some women find them a great help with this condition.

I haven't taken anti-depressants so can't help you there. Some people have said Valium can help but not tried it myself.

Best of luck, keep posting on here!
Jane

Re: female issues

Posted by Alison on 7/1/2011, 3:45 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi, Ann,
Welcome to the board. It is true that men far outnumber women here, but there are quite a few of us women who have found it very helpful.
I used to suffer quite a lot from cystitis, and did think it was linked to my paruresis. I found the answer was to drink a lot of water. My daughter also used to suffer from cystitis (unrelated to paruresis) and was told by her GP to drink an extra pint of water every morning and every evening which worked for her. Surprisingly, drinking lots of water did not make my paruresis worse. I found that I adjusted very quickly, and very soon did not need to 'go' any more frequently or with any more urgency. I discovered this many years ago and have had hardly any episodes of cystitis since. If I do get it, usually because I haven't kept to routine, or in very hot weather when I haven't kept up, I find a teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda in a cup of water as soon as I have any symptom usually works for me, but you would need to check that out with your doctor.
With regard to the preponderance of men on the board, Andrew's explanation is very interesting and seems likely. I also wonder if sometimes a woman might find the website but be put off by the fact that it seems as though it is a men's problem, and it would be mainly men who would read her posting.
Good luck.

Re: female issues

Posted by Ann on 7/1/2011, 8:45 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Thanks for the responses.

I do think there is a connection between my paruresis and cystitis - the first time I had a peeing problem I found myself with a nasty dose of cystitis - it happened on holiday after a flight and long queues in the ladies had left me unable to pee for hours. I had to see a doctor while abroad and this was followed by a period of anxiety attacks, not solely related to peeing.

That was about 15 years ago and it has been a problem on and off ever since. A very familar tale - unable to pee when other people are around, dificulty using public toilets, occasional problems at home when I'm particularly anxious.

I'm just back from holiday where I had, yes, cystitis, difficulty peeing in public toilets, on the plane etc etc. It's fine now I'm home but I'm already uptight about the next holiday, particularly as it's to China which will involve a long flight and I see other people have found toilets in China difficult to manage.

Do women ever attend the workshops? Are any held in the north?
Ann

Re: female issues

Posted by Andrew on 8/1/2011, 9:47 am, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann

Good on you for not letting your paruresis stop you from travelling, though I appreciate it takes the edge off the enjoyment.

We have only held one women-only workshop, that was back in Feb 2005 and six women attended. However we have had several mixed workshops where one or two women joined in. They have always worked well. It actually helps because it underlines that paruresis is gender neutral.

If we keep to plan, I hope to run a Beginners workshop in Manchester in May; email me at the support address at the top of the page, and I can then notify you when the workshop is set up.

best wishes

Andrew

Re: female issues

Posted by Mary on 8/1/2011, 4:41 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"
Message modified by board administrator 9/1/2011, 8:09 am

Hi Ann

In response to your question about whether any women attend workshops I attended a couple of them several years ago in London & I strongly recommend them. Until I attended the workshops I didn't understand what was blocking me from being able to pee in toilets where people were nearby & I therefore didn't know how to deal with it and resolve the issue regardless of how much I'd tried to deal with it myself. Having attended the workshops my understanding of the condition and what strategies work for me has had a significantly positive effect so if you do get the opportunity to attend I would highly recommend it!

Good luck, I can't help you with the other queries I'm afraid as I haven't had any experience with either but hopefully the other posts on here have helped you with those.

Mary

Re: female issues

Posted by Lusy on 8/1/2011, 7:45 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

I have attended a women only workshop, which helped me no end. I'd recommend attending one.

Re: female issues

Posted by Mark L on 8/1/2011, 8:59 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi,

Sorry to have said that this mainly affects men, I ment that in my opinion it does and obviously have no experience in female WCs!

Mark

Re: female issues

Posted by Margaret on 9/1/2011, 9:43 am, in reply to "female issues"

Hi Ann,
Sorry to hear about your problems with cystitis.
I had a couple of episodes a while ago and a lady doctor recommended taking cranberry capsules which you can get in Holland and Barrett. I take two a day and haven't had a problem since ,though it's probably tempting fate to say so!
Hope this helps.
Regards,
Margaret.

Re: female issues

Posted by Ann on 9/1/2011, 7:30 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Thanks everyone for the responses.

Mark - don't worry - I had noticed purely by the number of males who use the discussion board that it seems to be predominantly a male problem. But I am extremely glad to have been contacted by some females so I now don't feel quite as bizarre as this problem has often made me feel!

Margaret - thanks for the cranberry capsule hint - I hadn't come across them before. I do try to drink quite a bit of cranberry juice but it's not always easy to come across it abroad or when I'm staying in hotels (which I have to do quite a bit with my job) which is where my problem is at its worst - capsules might just help with that.

I would be really keen to go to a beginners workshop - one of the things which worries me though is - if I think about it in a concentrated way, will it get to be even more of a problem? I guess I'm tending towards an "ignore it and it will go away" approach (although my body has demonstrated many many times that that is not the case...). Has this been anyone's experience?

Ann

Re: female issues

Posted by Mary on 10/1/2011, 5:24 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann

I did have your concerns but my experience of the workshops was that they actually taught me how to think that it's not the huge problem that I'd mentally scaled it up to be. I realised then that I was making the problem worse when I didn't need to by thinking that everyone was watching me & waiting for me but actually the course helped me to break the problem down so it didn't seem so insurmountable.

It's not a quick-fix solution & you do have to be prepared to put some time into it but I can now go to the toilet with a queue of people and generally not worry about it. That's something I never thought would happen again!

Mary

Re: female issues

Posted by Margaret on 11/1/2011, 11:38 am, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann,
Re drinking cranberry juice, that is what I was going to do but my doctor said that cranberry capsules were much better because they are concentrated, and obviously if you are going abroad they are very handy. I always take some on holiday with me.
Best wishes.
Margaret.

Re: female issues

Posted by Ann on 20/5/2011, 8:48 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Several months on now, after a holiday in China where the toilets were a nightmare but having the cranberry capsules helped. I think I would probably benefit from attending a workshop (have been trying to convince myself up until now that I don't need one...) but wondered if you do female only workshops - not that I mind attending one with men but, well, the plumbing's a bit different isn't it and I wondered if therefore the physical issues are different.

Re: female issues

Posted by Andrew on 21/5/2011, 12:21 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann

I answered your question about female only workshops in an earlier reply above.

The plumbing is different but the issues are not. We deal with roughly three categories of severity. The most severe are men and women who have difficulty in domestic environments: for them the issues are identical: mainly being heard, being waited for, people "knowing" they are in the toilet.

The intermediate category comprise men and women who can usually manage domestic situations, but struggle in public cubicles. Similar anxieties to those in the severe category. The men labour under an added anxiety because they feel they should not be using a cubicle to pee.

Finally the "milder" end of the range obviously comprises only men; these can usually manage public cubicles but struggle with urinals.

So you see the issues for men and women in the severe and intermediate categories are similar. Does that make sense?

cheers

Andrew

Re: female issues

Posted by Ann on 21/5/2011, 3:43 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Sorry Andrew - I'd forgotten that you'd already told me.
I realise there has only just been a workshop but do you have a date for the next one yet?

Re: female issues

Posted by Andrew on 21/5/2011, 9:57 pm, in reply to "Re: female issues"

Hi Ann

No worries :-) Next workshop likely to be latter part of September in London, but no date yet. If interested, email me and I can then add you to the list to be sent an email notice (email address at top of this page).

best

Andrew

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