U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.For further information, visit our website, or contact us at

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Teen sufferer

Posted by Tom on 14/11/2010, 9:54 pm

Hi guys,

I came across this site whilst doing myself a bit of research, since Paruresis is the most frustrating thing I have ever known. I'm 18 and have been suffering for at least 5 years and its getting worse. I even had to put off going to uni this year because of fear of having to use shared toilets when other people around.

I cant use a urinal when there's anyone else in the room or if anyone is entering and cant even use a cubical when theres other people I don't know around. Its seriously limiting my social life, since I cant go places with friends, and can't go to bars and clubs (being 18 thats pretty important to me) because I cant use the toilets when they have those 'attendants'.

I've been trying to work around it myself slightly, by using urinals as often as possible, though this is usually only when the room is empty. I regularly try when others are around, but as other people come in my bladder has other ideas.

The worst part of my problem is that I cant for the life of me work out why it affects me.
Thanks for putting up this site, its great to see some good advice without having to buy books, and its a shame I live too far away from your workshops.

Tom.

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Andrew on 15/11/2010, 9:36 am, in reply to "Teen sufferer"

Hi Tom

Good to hear from you. Because you are young, it would be good to address the condition now, as the less time you have it, the less there is to unlearn. You say you are too far away from the workshops. Where roughly are you in the UK? And is distance the only obstacle? If you prefer, you can email me at the support address at the top of the page, and we can sort something out.

As for working on your own. You need to get used to cubicles before trying urinals. Can you find a spacious quietish place, like a motorway services, train station and practice using the cubicles? Then use the faking technique described on the website in order to get comfortable with the cubicles before attempting peeing.

Get back to us either here or by email OK?

Cheers

Andrew
Chairman

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Tom on 15/11/2010, 1:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

I'm in North Yorkshire which is a long way from any of the workshops, and I wouldnt really look forward to travelling halfway across England.

There aren't really many quiet spacious places like that near me, though there are a few public toilets around, and I should be able to find a time when they are quiet.

Tom.

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Mark L on 16/11/2010, 5:37 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Hi Tom,

Well done for researching and finding this site. As Andrew says its never too late to tackle this problem but it is easier the younger you are. Its good to hear that you attempt urinals even though you dont have any luck.

Let us know how you get on faking it. Just go in, lock the door and stand there for 30 secs and flush the chain. Keep doing it where ever you go and im sure you'll get bored of it!

I missed out on loads too, and only came accross here 2 years ago (im 25 now). I struggled through Uni, but was lucky enough to have an en-suite room in halls for 3 years as apposed to a shared house. Wish Id started back then though.

Speak soon,

Mark

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Tom on 17/11/2010, 7:55 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Thanks for the replies guys. Just wondering though, does it really work to go in and just wait around in the stalls, and is that all about getting comfortable in them?
Tom.

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Mark L on 20/11/2010, 11:04 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Yes it does help 'faking it'. It gets you used to being in there with out needind to rush or worry about anyone else. The same goes for urinals, ie in a busy service station, just go up to a urinal and stand there for a while. There is no pressure atall.

Mark

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Simon on 21/11/2010, 7:50 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Hi Tom. It does definitely help - if you go in with the right mindset.
I like to think Paruresis is not 'a fear of peeing', but 'a fear of not peeing'.

By going in there and deliberately not peeing, whilst focusing on being relaxed and cancelling out any negative thoughts, you are taking control of your anxieties, eventually eliminating them.

Only once you are relaxed will you be able to cope much better, and will find yourself able to perform in more situations.

Best of luck

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Mike on 28/11/2010, 2:59 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Hi Tom,
I recently attended a workshop and can't speak highy enough of them.
Although everyone who attended was nervous before going, the hosts soon put us all at ease and everyone seemed to get something out of it, and you couldn't have met a nicer bunch of guys on the course. It really was a great experience, and not just for the benefits it produced in my condition. I personally was really pleased about what I could do after 1 day that I couldn't do before.
I really can't recommend the workshop too much. I've had the condition for a couple of decades and I only wish there had been the workshops back when I was younger.
I would say to anyone out there suffering with this, please go on a workshop - don't let the years roll by suffering with something that you can honestly make a significant difference to in one weekend.

I promise you won't regret it.

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Tom on 29/11/2010, 9:02 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

I wish I could get to a workshop, but it really is too far and difficult to get to.
I think I need to find a similar alternative, or find out what happens in the workshop, so I can try to do as much as possible myself. If anyone has any ideas I'd be very grateful.

Tom

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Simon on 30/11/2010, 7:31 am, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

The workshop covers the topics outlined here:

http://www.ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_Components_of_a_CBT_Based_Approach.htm

as well as the practical aspect (actually fluid loading and desensing -working out your hierarchy and then working up the steps).

It is very much possible to do these steps without being on the workshop, although having other people around is great support, and the amount of experience you get on the workshop is worth atleast a month or 2 of practice outside the workshop, in my experience.

But it would be well worth you reading this link and then putting the suggestions into practice. Keep the diary, don't expect to pee every time, but do be happy when you do, and you will soon be seeing improvement in your day to day life.

There is also a book, Shy Bladder Syndrome, which is highly recommended by other AP people.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1572242272/qid=1116200496/026-1909456-5407632

hope this helps

Re: Teen sufferer

Posted by Mark L on 1/12/2010, 3:02 pm, in reply to "Re: Teen sufferer"

Tom - Do you live in a city of town? Do you have shopping centres or motorway service staiions near by? These are great practice as there is lots going on and you wont feel people are listening out for you, like you would say in a quiet pub toilet.

Hope you are able to get out there and practice, please let us know if you are struggling or need any advice etc.

Cheers,

Mark

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