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UK paruresis trust

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Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' Dwyer on 27/10/2009, 10:09 pm

Hi all, My name is Eddie, I live in the south of Ireland, am 57 years old, and have "suffered" from this condition for as long as I can remember. It is a comfort to me to discover that first of all it is a recognised condition, & secondly there is an organization I can turn to for support & advise. I have been tackling this problem for the past number of years, including 12 weeks of psychotherapy, what a waste of time and money that was, any of you guys have the same experience ? any way, I am no nearer a cure but I am hopeful given everything I've read on the website the 10 steps etc. The work shop for beginners is something I will have to seriously consider

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Simon on 28/10/2009, 8:13 pm, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Eddie,
No you're not alone. I think for a lot of us that belief added a great deal to the stress of it all, until we found out otherwise. I'm sure there are plenty still as I type this who live in their isolated world convinced that they are indeed alone, on so many levels.. How would it be for example if the majority shared this problem?. It's the conviction that we are 'odd' that compounds it all.
Whatever I think, whatever I do to deal with this, & I'm at a very fed up stage, I do know it's all about what I think. The old neurons are laid down pretty firmly after all this time. That's it in a nutshell. I can either reinforce or undo. I think Andrew will tell us it's called cognitive therapy & I suspect ultimately it's the only answer.

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by alex on 28/10/2009, 8:22 pm, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

best bet is workshop

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' Dwyer on 28/10/2009, 9:28 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Thanks you, Alex, Simon I need all the positives I can get

Eddie

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Walt on 29/10/2009, 12:27 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hey Eddie

Well I will just give my reply to this thread. There are already a lot of people on this site who are very supportive and helpful. I will just hopefully give you some comfort in my reply.

Someone in another thread spoke about using different excuses to cover different thoughts that go through your head and having an excuse for each thought. So for example if someone is rushing you, maybe you could say you have kidney stones or something like that. There is defiantly a reverse psychology and physical state that can take the paruresis away, it is just being at that particular point every time you need to go (impossible).

If it was possible to simply put yourself into a frame of mind, or think certain thoughts and all of a sudden you start to pee, then things would be easy. I find the problem with peeing is it is a constant and ongoing problem. It's not like taking an exam; you study, take the exam, pass/fail and then hopefully never have to do it again. When I think about peeing, I think of it almost like a test, and do I really want to take that test over and over? No, so I retreat to a cubical and am lazy, sitting down or even avoiding the toilets completely.

When in doubt, I just sit on the toilet until it happens. The only trouble with that is if I am at a beer festival, which is where I was this year, and the only toilets are open toilets and a few port loo singles which about 40 people are cued up for including women, then I have no chance. The bushes are an option, but very inconvenient and I’d never do it that publically whilst it is still daylight.. For me the inconvenience makes it even more frustrating, because I know I can’t pee.

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Andrew on 30/10/2009, 12:44 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Walt

You referred to my giving examples of possible replies. However you called them excuses.

Cognitively it is very improtant to realise and accept that they are NOT excuses: there is nothing to excuse. That toilet is yours for as long as you need it - like a parking place. Its a good place to chill out away form work, kids, whatever.

I repeat: you never have to explain or justify or apologise. Other people are just not interested in your peeing. If they were, it is they who would have a problem!

cheers

Andrew

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Liam (DG7) on 10/5/2010, 9:49 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

I know the nightmare you're going through. I have to avoid places altogether so there's no chance of me attending places like festivals or gigs, even pubs are a no go for me.

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Pete L on 29/10/2009, 10:38 am, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Eddie

Having had various therapies myself, I can save you the bother and expense of going through any more. Your next, and only step forward is to get yourself on a workshop. I did, and i've stepped forward in more ways that I could have imagined.

I just put a post on Joe's thread with respect to seeing a psychotherapist, my first session being last week. My opinion on therapists is that they can help with the psychological issues in your life and, providing you can form that therapist - patient relationship (trust) they can help wonders. However, the peeing has a physical presence attached to it so, therefore, it is practice you need, gradual practice, which comes with gradual exposure. Where do you get this kind of therapy? At a workshop!

If there is proof that these workshops work, it is written amongst the many threads on this site, it is amongst the people who are able to walk in to a public place without feeling anixious/ as anxious as they used to do when that feeling of needing a pee entered their brain.

I used to have a panic attack if I got the slightest of twinges, now I know it's not htat important. It's just your brain saying ' you've got wee!!'. How you handle those initial thoughts will change once you've been on a workshop.

Hope you can make it to one, it will be the best thing you've ever done. In addition, you'll get to meet some great people!!

Best of look

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' on 29/10/2009, 10:55 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Thank you Pete for those very encouraging words,as a direct result of your response I have just emailed ukpt inquiring about the next beginners workshop.

For the first time in over 45 years there might be hope for me

Eddie

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Pete L on 30/10/2009, 10:08 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Eddie

That's fantastic news, i'm really pleased. You will not regret it. I must admit, I'm somewhat overwhelmed that my words have encouraged you to enquire about the workshops. Thank you.

If you do go on one, please do let us all know how you get on.

Pete

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Mark L on 31/10/2009, 2:22 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Eddie,

I can only reflect on what has already been said. Dont consider a workshop, just do it! If you put it off, you will kick yourself when you do finally go on one. It is amazing how one weekend can change your life forever!

Please keep us updated on any progress or thought you have etc, there are alyaws people here to help.

Mark

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' on 31/10/2009, 6:16 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Thanks for your support Mark, I think i'm way past the consideration stage, as of now I will be going to a workshop.

Eddie

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Pete L on 2/11/2009, 9:01 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Eddie

That's great news, you will not regret it! Can't wait to hear how you get on.

Pete

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Michael on 19/12/2009, 3:12 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hows it going everyone im looking forward to trying out the workshop just like Eddie ive gone past thinking about it and want to try and sort it out so i can maybe move on with large social events etc.Is there anyone who goes to the toilet through the nite? I think its a knock on effect from the AP its destroying me i get this urge to go just as im driffting off to sleep and then its not even very much when i do go and then im wide awake this happens 2 or 3 times a night for the last 12 years or so.Ive got to see the Gastroenterology team at the Hospital next another ordeal.Speak soon everyone BW Michael.

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Andrew on 19/12/2009, 9:34 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Michael

About peeing in the night: avoid coffee and tea because they are diuretics. Do not drink for say 3 hours before going to bed.

That should help

Andrew

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by michael on 19/12/2009, 3:24 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Thanks Andrew.Its a shame because i like my tea when i get up might switch to green or camomile instead.I was never big on coffee anyway so no probs there.

many thanks Michael

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Andrew on 19/12/2009, 9:46 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Michael

Try doing without tea for a weeek and see what effect if any it has. You can always revert to avoiding it only in the evening.

Andrew

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Geoff.BT on 3/2/2010, 12:22 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Well Eddie, as you now have found out, you are def not alone & congrats for doing the Beginners Workshop with me & the other guys.I wish you continuing success in overcoming AP. Can we do it? To quote President Obama (or was it Bob the builder?) YES WE CAN!
All the best. Geoff.BT

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' on 3/2/2010, 7:15 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Geoff,

Yes I did find out I'M not alone & how,& thanks for the good wishes, I must say I was a bit over whelmed to watch all those guys appear one after another at the workshop & to realise they all suffer from the same condition,could this be true ?!! A big thanks to Pete L who encouraged me to go to the workshop. Can we do it.......of course we can, sure did,nt we do it in Manchester

Regards

Eddie

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Michael on 8/5/2010, 3:28 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Eddie just read your last message.I also live in Ireland,in Dublin and was wondering if we could arrange to talk.Let me know if your comfortable with this.Unlike you I never had the courage to attend a workshop and at this time believe that if I don't do something positive about my paruresis I will get even more depressed.Think about it.
Michael

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by Eddie O' on 8/5/2010, 7:38 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Micheal,
First off try to stop feeling too bad about your condition, there are lots of us out there, the workshop is a huge help, you must attend one soon, in the mean time I have no problem meeting you, you can text me on 0862624880,
& we can take it from there

Eddie O'

Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone

Posted by martin on 21/10/2012, 7:59 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"

Hi Micheal,,

was looking for any links in Dublin (where i live ) i saw your message,,
Have you had any success ? i am interested in desensing sessions or something to move ahead,,, message me if you would like to talk,

regards

Martin

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