U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.For further information, visit our website, or contact us at

[ RETURN TO MESSAGE INDEX PAGE ] [ POST A REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE ]

I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by John on 17/8/2009, 7:03 pm

Hi all, kind of feel like i'm at an AA meeting. You know, i have a problem...that kind of thing. The funny thing is i think i would find it easier to admit to been an alcoholic than a paruresis sufferer. I find the whole thing excrutiatingly embarrassing. However finding this site has given me some comfort in knowing that i'm not alone. There are other people out there who feel a rising panic at the thought of going to the loo and and have felt their heart beating like a drum when someone else is around. It seems i'm not a freak. Just knowing there are others is a big comfort. This condition is such a pain, it really does affect your social life in a big way. Just getting this off my chest is a help and i hope through these postings from many fellow sufferers others won't feel so 'freakish' and find a way to a cure. All the best.

Re: I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by Andrew on 17/8/2009, 10:15 pm, in reply to "I feel like a pathetic loser"

Hi John

You are definitely not a pathetic loser: instead you are dealing everyday with a level of fear that most people never encounter in their whole life. In spite of that, you are managing to survive. That, believe it or not, is an achievement.

Your paruresis is not you; not even part of you. It is like a parasite, preying on you. Hence why you are NOT a loser, but a sufferer.

Do please post again and again, so that in putting your feelings anonymously into words, you can lessen the feelings of being "unique". You are part of a population that contains all walks of life; surgeon, physician, GP, clinical psychologist, policeman, pilot, entrepreneur, teacher, orchestral musician, investment banker, solicitor, to name but a few: not a loser among them.

If you would like to discuss anything privately, you can email me - the address is the support one at the top of the page.

Remember, the problem is not peeing; it is the fear/anxiety. The therapy is all about managing anxiety; also experiencing anxiety in very small doses in order to lose that anxiety a bit at a time.

cheers

Andrew

Re: I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by Robin on 18/8/2009, 6:47 am, in reply to "Re: I feel like a pathetic loser"

Hi John

I would echo everything Andrew has said. When I found this site I felt embarrassed as you do and found it hard to admit that I had this problem. I read the board for ages before finally plucking up the courage to post on here. The best thing I ever did was get myself to the Beginners Workshop last October which totally helps you get a grip on the condition. You meet 'normal' people from all walks of life and it is great to share experiences of avoiding going to the toilet just because of where you are or who you are with. By the end of the weekend your outlook on the condition has totally changed and you will be amazed at how much progress you make - before I couldn't use urinals unless the toilets were empty and even then I'd usually head for the cubicles as habit, whereas 2 workshops later I am fine in most big toilets like service stations and shopping centres and only struggle in those smaller more intimate 2 or 3 bowl facilities like pub toilets.

So keep posting and get yourself to a workshop!

Robin

Re: I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by AY on 29/8/2009, 4:28 am, in reply to "Re: I feel like a pathetic loser"

It's a feeling that may never go away, but I don't let it prevent me from living my life the best I can. The love of my life called it off and 6 months later had a kid with someone I thought was a good friend. I've never recovered from that, even after a decade. What does it mean? Absolutely nothing in a day to day basis, logic would say. But the heart is rarely logical. I survive.

Re: I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by Geoff P on 18/8/2009, 11:00 am, in reply to "I feel like a pathetic loser"

Hello Friend

John, as Andrew and Robin have said, you are NOT a loser. I'm 54 and have suffered this condition since childhood. It wasn't until I found this site in January that I discovered that I wasn't alone. I didn't share about it with anyone before then.

Its the feeling of being alone that makes this so difficult. Once you realise that there are loads of us and that we are all normal people, you can begin to get this into perspective and start to address the problem.

A workshop is probably a daunting prospect for you at the moment but, beleive me, you will feel so safe. Going on a beginer's workshop in June was one of the best things I have done in my life.

Do keep posting. It helps so much to talk about stuff. And remember, John, you are among friends

Cheers for now,

Geoff.

Re: I feel like a pathetic loser

Posted by John on 19/8/2009, 11:21 am, in reply to "I feel like a pathetic loser"

Thankyou guys so much for your comments and advice. Just been able to discuss this albeit anonimously has been a great help. Will post any progress. Thanks again.

I am a survivor

Posted by Andrew on 19/8/2009, 2:15 pm, in reply to "Re: I feel like a pathetic loser"

Hi John

See what its like? Friendly and supportive responses - its a good feeling.

So dont wait for "progress" to post; post to chew things over, to share problems, whatever, OK?

Have you read our website www.ukpt.org.uk ?

Note change of thread title :-)

cheers

Andrew

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by Mark L on 19/8/2009, 11:55 pm, in reply to "Re: I feel like a pathetic loser"

Hi John,

Welcome to the message board. Im sure we've all felt like that at some point. Please keep reading as many posts as you can, there are so many useful tips and lots of encouragement on here.

This will get easier, and try your best to get onto a workshop. It will be the best thing you'll ever do!

Keep us posted,

Mark

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by michael c on 18/12/2009, 2:46 pm, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

I feel like ive made a breakthrough finding this site and ive turned a corner i even told my parents because of it but im hardly cured or anything just feel lost and ashamed about what i have i also feel different to anyone i know.I dont want to tell certain people you know how people are all nice to your face and the min your back is turned saying im weired or something like that and i feel i might damage the very few mates i have in the long run.It makes you feel your missing out on life as for the suicide thoughts ive had for ages i dont think im a survivor only a sad person cos of AP cheers Michael.

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by Simon on 19/12/2009, 8:02 pm, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

Hey Michael
You dont need to tell your mates. The important thing is you have told SOMEONE. You dont need to scream about it from the trees. What you need to do is keep taking steps towards overcoming your AP. And dont let any stepbacks knock you down.
I told my girlfriend and have considered telling other people to be honest I can talk to her about it so why tell anyone else? I may tell my parents and family at some point, and as my recovery progresses I may tell a few other people, but like you say, people like to talk behind your back etc.
Get yourself on a workshop you will find you are not different or alone - the other people on the course will just be normal people, like you. You'll have a chance to talk and listen and you'll go away ready to tackle AP- something it sounds like you've already decided to do so well done mate.

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by michael on 20/12/2009, 3:02 pm, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

In someways i shouldnt of told my parents about my AP they both have gobs bigger than thee opening of the Euro tunnel well you know what i mean.End of Feb when the workshop takes place is partly nerv racking and partly something im looking forward to hopefully the information gets posted a couple of weeks before hand so i can arange time off work etc.Anyway thanks for your support everyone...
many thanks Michael.

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by Andrew on 19/12/2009, 9:49 pm, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

Hi Michael

You only tell someone if s/he needs to know AND you trust each other. Otherwise forget it.

Andrew

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by Robert C (Oxfordshire) on 30/12/2009, 10:54 am, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

hi all

I can't remember if was 2 or 3 AP workshops that I attended some years ago - my longterm memory is rather shot since I got whacked on the head with a hammer about 9 years ago. Anyway, the AP workshops changed my life.

Social anxiety has crept back into my life during the last few years and I think it's time for me to attend another "Improvers Workshop." Do Improvers Workshops still run? I've found info on Beginners Workshops, but my memory is not so shot that I need to start from scratch .

Re: I am a survivor

Posted by Andrew on 30/12/2009, 1:37 pm, in reply to "Re: I am a survivor"

Hi Robert

Yes the Improvers workshops still run, though we now call them Follow-up workshops; people thought you could attend them only if you were improving!

I email notifications to those who attended the previous beginners, then those who have expressed interest, and then put it on this board. I'll put you on hte list. Hopefully the next one we will run will be in March in Manchester.

and btw you attended June and August 2004, then again in March 2005. That is a long time ago; I would not remember that far back.

cheers

Andrew

« Back to index

1408

[ U.K. PARURESIS TRUST ]

UNITED KINGDOM PARURESIS TRUST WEB SITE