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UK paruresis trust

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Planes

Posted by Joe on 12/8/2009, 12:35 am

Hi all.

I've been lurking here whenever I've had a trip etc, coming up. I'm 19 now, and have suffered from mild paruresis since I was about 13 or so.

I know there's a fair few threads about issues about peeing in plane toilets, and, for me - it's a bit hit and miss.. The reason I'm posting this is because I'm off for a short haul (1 hr) flight tomorrow. When on long-haul flights (UK to USA, so 6 hrs or so), I found I could pee fine - partially because there were four toilets in a section, and I found no-one really waiting for them. I peed once successfully when there was no queue, then found that I could go even when there was a wait for them - reason: I was in a relaxed state of mind..

The last time though, I was on a plane (again, only a 40 min trip, but had drunk a lot beforehand) I couldn't go, as I had a short wait to use the toilet, then felt like I was 'on show'. There have been times though, where I've been in that sort of plane (B737 etc), where I've peed successfully - twice in one flight before. So - to cut a very long ramble short - tomorrow, even if I don't need to go, I'll pop myself into the toilet and wait there for as long as it takes for me to start peeing - just to relax myself and show myself that I -can- actually pee in planes.

Sorry for the long ramble!
This is a great site, and a very reassuring and supportive forum.

Regards,
Joe.

Re: Planes

Posted by Andrew on 12/8/2009, 4:22 pm, in reply to "Planes"

HI Joe

Lets have long rambles: they only seem long to the writer :-)

As for staying in the toilet for as long as it takes: do that with one proviso: if you are getting more and more anxious, then pull out and go somewhere to calm down; we dont want to link severe anxiety with being in a toilet. Only stay in there if you can succesfully manage any anxiety you have.

cheers

Andrew

Re: Planes

Posted by Joe on 13/8/2009, 10:22 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Ta very much

I'm back now - on the flight over, I went when I didn't need to go, and went successfully.
On the flight back (tonight), I went when I needed to go quite badly - couldn't get started for a few minutes, so sat down - that seemed to relax me a little, but still no stream starting.

I remember reading about someone on here, who said that after they brought the baby changing tray down, that helped me, so gave that a try - felt something budge, and about 30 secs later, to my immense relief, I began to pee

I've also got another couple of flights next week (Monday and Friday), but they're only short ones, around 40 minutes or so, so hopefully if there's any 'anxiety', I can hold it until I get onto the ground. I'll keep reading here though, and try tips and whatnot, when I don't need to go badly.

Regards,
Joe

Re: Planes

Posted by Mark L on 16/8/2009, 9:18 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Joe,

You have a good attitude towards this, goon on you for going on the plane! I used plane toilets for the first time (that I can remember) the other week. Had an 8/9 hour flight to Florida and went several times. The first time was duanting, as there was ALWAYS a que for the 5 toilets. It took a while and I had to sit down, but all was fine. It helped as I didnt know what to expect, because when I walked in I started laughing to myself at how small and inpractical the toilets were!

Out of interest, what do you do for a living that warrants all these plane trips?!

Mark

Re: Planes

Posted by Joe on 10/9/2009, 12:03 am, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Apologies for the lack of a reply - I forgot I'd posted here!

As for what I do for a living - I've just got an active family - I'm a student at the current time!

As for the flight to Newcastle (the flight I did on the Monday), no issue with that. However, it always seems to be on the flight back when I'm desperate to go, much to my chargrin! I try to limit the amount of liquid that I have, and use the toilet where possible at the gate, just before we board. But tried to go on the flight home back to Stansted - couldn't go. Luckily it was only a 45 min flight, so held it in and told myself to relax once in the cubicle at the airport itself - I did, and relief ensued.

I don't think it's helped by the fact that my mum always comments on the fact that I use toilets a lot at airports (to avoid the situation described above), and also that it was the front toilet, so I got the feeling that I was being watched (as I think others do from here, from what I've read)...

Anyway, no flights for a while. Interesting, I can pee on trains perfectly fine, just not planes... 'Tis a bugger.

Thanks for all the support and kind words you've given me - I'll definitely visit here more often from now on, to get tips and the like!

Joe.

Re: Planes

Posted by Joe on 25/10/2009, 7:38 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi folks,
Me again.

At the current time, I've found that while I can pee fine on trains, I've found that when the train's stopped (on the approach to a station, say), I always, always, always, begin - not to panic, but - to get anxious. Even if there is a toilet on board. (Around 75% of the trains that stop at my station have toilets, 25% don't.) I always go before I leave my flat, and then, if I can, at the station. Likewise, I also always go where possible, before I get on the tube.

I'm wondering if I'm building this up so much in my head at times, that it's saying 'Ah. You need to pee then!' even when I've been 20 / 30 mins before and haven't drunk much. It's quite irritating, to be honest..

On the public toilet front, I always use cubicles, but I've gone onto peeing in cubicles with the door open, but have found that I can use the urinals, as long as no-one comes in. If they do, my flow stops...

Back to planes at the moment - which is where I find it hardest to pee without effort - what I found a while back (over a year now), was when I was by myself, I could pee in toilets just fine - and that brought a sense of triumph, but when I was with family etc, then I always had my paruresis come back. I haven't been on any flights by myself over the past year or so though, so I haven't been able to test this theory...

I think a lot of it is to do with the mind and my mood though - as shown in an earlier post by me in this thread - when I peed successfully when not really needing to go, and I felt like I'd be able to...

Anyway - once again, my apologies for yet another long post!

Re: Planes

Posted by Andrew on 25/10/2009, 8:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Joe

I suspect you are thinking about peeing when your urge to go is low on the scale. This is common with people who have AP.

Look on our website at the paragraph on range of urgency here

http://www.ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_Components_of_a_CBT_Based_Approach.htm

The guys who attend our workshops end up saying they now have confidene because they realise that that first twinge is something they can safely ignore, and they know it can take a long time for it to get up to a level 7 or 8; i.e. plenty of time before the need to go to the loo.

cheers

Andrew

Re: Planes

Posted by Mark L on 26/10/2009, 9:53 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Joe,

I think most people find their AP worse when they are out with friends/family. There is a need to 'rush' so you dont arouse any suspicion as to why you are taking so long!

Mark

Re: Planes

Posted by Walt on 27/10/2009, 12:07 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Yes I know what you mean; I try to avoid peeing on family occasions. However I find it hardest when out with friends. At the pub etc, but it is 50/50 for me. Sometimes I am ok, sometimes I am not.

The other day I was out with friends and had to leave and go home. I was totally relaxed all night, I wasn’t thinking negatively and I was quite drunk. The time came where I really needed to go, but it just would not happen. My bladder was tighter than ever before, I tried 3 times but had to leave in the end. When I got home and finally went to pee, it actually hurt because I had to hold it so long before I got home to my house. The first 3 times I tried to go at the pubs, I even tried pushing hard, I did go a little bit but that was just the liquid that was literally bursting from me. When I got home I felt that little bit of trapped urine push out first which was the part that hurt, then I finally went.

What a nightmare, and it makes you feel like complete and utter crap when it happens.

Re: Planes

Posted by Joe on 27/10/2009, 11:29 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Andrew - I've had a look at the link; thank you very much! This is exactly what I'm doing.. I'm drinking water now just to try the test out

Mark - I agree! The next time that I'm on a plane by myself - which should be within the next year or so - I'll see what it's like to pee with no family present.

Walt - Indeed, the only time I've really had this, was on the last flight - couldn't pee on the plane (thank God it was only a 45 min flight!) and ended up telling myself to relax in the cubicle at Stansted, which I did, to a huge sigh of relief. I'm hoping to, if not totally, at least partially 'cure' this, though.

Re: Planes

Posted by Adrian on 8/11/2009, 11:45 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

I have been a sufferer of this condition for many years – I can urinate in a public cubicle only if there are thick doors and walls (and both reach the ceiling and the floor). The most trouble I have had is on airplanes, it is nearly impossible…I am originally from Australia, but I have been living in the UK for 3 years now. I am planning on going home for a few weeks in January, but I am hesitant to buy my tickets due to the long plane ride (20 hours). On all frights from the UK to Australia there is at least one stop, which means I have only one opportunity to urinate in 20 hours (I dread this). Is there anything I can do just for the flights?

Many Thanks,

Adrian.

Re: Planes

Posted by Andrew on 9/11/2009, 3:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Adrian

Good to hear from you.

About flying; search the forum using the term "plane"; there are two threads on pages 3 and 4 (I think) which contain first hand experiences.

It seems to boil down to:

1. being able to self-cath; just having one in your pocket takes away so much stress that users find they often can pee without using one.

2. Valium and alcohol: not recommended but works if you are careful with the dose

3. Desmopressin: suppresses generation of urine: obviously only for short term use and I assume you have to restrict fluid intake.

My strong recommendation is for you to go to your GP and explain that you get "urinary retention" when in a plane toilet; please could he arrange for you to be shown how to catheterise yourself and to presccibe you catheters. These are specially designed one-time use disposables, self-lubricated, and may men and women swear by them.

Then attend one of our workshops and start to get on top of this. Like others have.

Hope this helps; do get back to me with any further queries

best

Andrew

Re: Planes

Posted by Eddie O' on 11/11/2009, 7:51 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Adrian, Last month I came back from Beijing to Dublin via Abu Dhabi, 9 hour & 15mns 1st leg, 2 hour stopover then 8 hour flight to Dublin, did not go at all, I did try several times, never came close, surprisingly I was not in any great pain,( and I'm in my late 50's) I had prepared well before boarding,did not have tea or coffee went to the toilet as often as possible. during the flight tried not to get too stressed & did not drink too much just some water, DO NOT have tea or coffee it irritates the bladder... who knows you may have over come some of your fears the next time you fly

Good luck with everything Adrian

Eddie O'

Re: Planes

Posted by Mark L on 15/11/2009, 11:09 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Adrian,

(Are you the Adrian who was on the London beginers course in Jan? If so, hi!)

I was worried about my plane trip to Florida in July and another event (my stag night) so I obtained some catheters. I will 100% reccomend them, they are quick and easy to use, only slightly uncomfortable after the first time you use one, and you can fit 4/5 easily in one pocket.

From my initial appointment with my GP, to obtaining some catheters, it took just over 2 months (thanks to a cancellation). Im not sure if you'll have to wait that long or not, so maybe it might be too late for your trip in Jan?

None the less, here is my thread in which I documented everything...

http://members.boardhost.com/paruresisUK/msg/1237158400.html

Since then, iv taken my caths clubbing a few times which have been life savers!

Let us know your thought or which route you may be thinking of going down. If you decide to go at it alone, remember to visit the plane toilet on arrival just to scope it out etc.

All the best,

Mark

Re: Planes

Posted by michael on 12/12/2009, 1:47 pm, in reply to "Planes"

Hello Joe im Michael ive had Paruresis for about 14 years or so and every day
going to the toilet in those 14 years has been a problem.Regarding planes is a horrible time for me.I cant go on any sort of plane even if its just a short flight.The worst time was flying to Florida last year 10 hours and yes you guessed it i didnt go for the whole journey.I done all the usual stuff avoiding fluids etc i get all wound up on the plane i cant relax its like im standing in a small box the noise of the plane and the fact you have thousands of feet of fresh air below you and all that stuff really plays on my mind as for the loud noise the flush makes that really does me no good at all it sounds like it gets blown out into outer space or something.But on a serious note ive done damage to my insides i get sharp pains in my stomach that come and go.Ive had the Urolgy team stick a camera down me they told me i have narrowing of the bladder neck as a result of the Paruresis.No doctor or specialist has ever said to me the word Paruresis i found out recently when i bought this computer and looked under Phobias.Thanks for reading Joe and all other sufferers must dash speak to you all soon

BW Michael.

Re: Planes

Posted by Andrew on 12/12/2009, 2:59 pm, in reply to "Re: Planes"

Hi Michael

Just a quick thought about planes: my wife was very anxious on them. The feeling like you say about there being 1,000s of feet of nothing below you, the sight of wings flexing, the variable noise of the engines, all spooked her. She is less anxious now, having drummed into her to watch the cabin crew, and how unconcerned and even bored they look. I told her to worry only when she sees the crew looking worried.

cheers

Andrew

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