This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
I've just discovered this website after years and years of bladder shyness. I did have a look at the discussion board before reading the website properly and was slightly put off my the male dominance, but having read the bit on the women's page I thought I'd do my bit and share my story.
Today was the first time I googled 'shy bladder' to see what came up, I have to admit I had never heard of Paruresis and didn't even realise it was a recognised condition, but I'm so glad that I've found this site and other people that suffer from it.
I'm 23 now, but have had problems peeing in public places as long as I can remember. I think the problem started at school, because I can remember that I always used to wait until I got home. So I would go before school and hold on all day until 4pm. It was as I got a bit older and more independent that I realised this may be something that affects me for the rest of my life. And I still do it, I simply can't go when there are other people in the loos, or even when I know people are waiting for me, or know that I'm in there (at work etc). It's worse if I've told the person I'm with that I'm just going to the loo - once I know they're out there waiting I can never go!
It's got slightly better since living with my fiance (past 2 years), he knows about it and I can usually go comfortably at home if it's just us, even with the bathroom door slightly open. But if we have guests there's no way I can go (actually one exception - after drinking enough alcohol I can usually go without a problem, I guess I just don't think about it!!!). I did tell a couple of my best friends and that helped enormously, as I know that it doesn't matter how long I take because they know.
I think all the 'holding on' over the years has taken its toll on my bladder though. I get frequent UTIs (apparently these can be caused by 'holding on') and since the last one (several months ago) have had constant pain in that region and the doctors don't know why. I had a hospital appointment about it today (could I produce a urine sample? Of course not!!!) and they're going to do a cystoscopy to try to find out if i've damaged my bladder. So I guess I should've addressed this paruresis problem years ago. Moral of the story - do your best to sort it out before it causes more serious damage!
I've just realised how long this post is so I'm going to stop now because I could go on about this all day.
I think this site's great though, am very glad i've found it and all of you.
Jen
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Andrew on 2/4/2009, 6:18 pm, in reply to "Newcomer"
Hello Jan
Welcome!
I am sorry you were a bit put off by the male dominance; it is a result of there being so many more men affected, for obvious reasons.
Having said that I am glad that women do post, because some men feel that paruresis makes them less of a man; I tell them that it cannot be the case, if only because I cannot say to a woman "Do you find paruresis makes you less of a man!".
We have also run mixed workshops; these have always worked well. The fact that everyone has a shy bladder in common overrides everything else.
But back to you: dont worry about the length of a post; that is what this board is for: let it all out. If it makes you feel better, split it over several posts; but get it out.
The incidence of UTIs is odd because tho women get them, men do not seem to; any ideas why anyone? (on a separate thread please).
You are right about addressing the problem asap; there always seems to be a good reason to put it off, and then.... However it is still worth your while to address it now, in order to reduce your level of paruresis and make life easier for you, and your fiancee. See the two postings about workshops at the top of the page.
Look forward to hearing from you
Andrew
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Mark L on 2/4/2009, 8:24 pm, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Jen,
Welcome to the board! Glad to see you posted despite the amount of us men on here! There are several recent topics by women, just have a look through the last few weeks/months posts.
The good news is that you have found this site now, and not 20/30/40 years later! There are several posts on here about de-sensing (getting used to WC's and 'practicing'). Although written for men, some of the main steps apply to women. ie fluid loading and trying out several WCs etc.
As Andrew has said, women have attended the workshops before so get yourself booked on one. It seems very nerve racking but it will be the best thing you can do!
If you need any help or advice then put a new post up so everyone can help out.
All the best,
Mark.
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Jane on 9/4/2009, 10:57 am, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Jen
Glad you have found the site, and you are not alone as a woman with this problem. I'm 62 and have had it all my adult life, but since finding this site and going on a couple of workshops I feel that I have turned a corner and am making progress - it's a bit slow, but going in the right direction. You are doing this at the right time, while you are still young.
I only found the site last year, and it is such a relief to realise that there are other people to talk to who completely understand.
I was really nervous about the first workshop, the idea of sitting in a room full of men and talking about this subject was daunting! But, because both men and women have the same kind of issues and feelings, I very soon felt relaxed - we were just a group of nice, normal people sharing a difficulty which had affected all our lives. It is ideal if there is another woman on the course for practice sessions, but I think it is still worth going if not. Andrew and the other workshop leaders are very supportive.
There are various ways to ease the situation, from CBT to desensing practice to catheters. I wish you the best of luck, and hope your medical investigations will soon result in an end to the physical discomfort.
Keep in touch, we are all here to support each other. Jane
Re: Newcomer
Posted by Margaret on 10/4/2009, 10:11 am, in reply to "Re: Newcomer"
Hi Jen, Good for you that you have taken the first step towards help. It affects all ages. I am 73 now but was 45 before problems arose. I have found the advice and companionship both of workshops and reading the messages an enormous boost to my confidence . It has all helped to make me feel more 'normal'. I still have some problems but I do not dwell on them like I used to and being more relaxed makes a lot of difference . Go to a workshop if you can. Good luck, Margaret