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I have had paruresis for quite a while, probably every since I left primary school, I don't know how it started. Anyway I have been able to handle it for quite a while in college and maintain good freindships and my work. But suddenly in the final year of college, it affected me very badly. I became anti social and introverted, I think because I thought I was the only one with this problem. But it has been really difficult to maintain friendships and I haven't been able to be myself. I don't know what it is, but its almost like voices in my head were telling me, I'm abnormal, pathetic and unworthy of a social life. I think because at the time I believed nobody had this same problem and I was all alone.
It's really hard to explain, but I will be saying to myself "It doesn't matter if you need to piss, you can still talk to your friends" And this would be reccur over and over in my head every time I wanted to say something, so everthing I said wouldn't come out right And most of the time, I would freeze in the middle of saying something.
Anyway I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar mental afflictions and what would be the best way to overcome them. I've got a bit better now that I know I'm not alone. But it still affects me quite a lot.
We find that paruresis can (but not always) be tied up with loss of self-esteem, and loss of self-confidence. It can happen that a vicious circle develops between the paruresis and something else: like say work, or a relationship; sometimes it can be difficult to know which is the driver.
Your description about not being able to be yourself, but instead becoming less social, is also common.
We find that, on the workshops, a definite change for the better happens in self-esteem and confidence. In extreme case people change personality the other way: becoming care-free and sociable i.e. the real them coming to the fore.
You are not "Anon the paruretic" - it does NOT define you; you are "Anon who happens at the moment to need more privacy and time for peeing than most"; and this is something that can be changed.
You are NOT abnormal: someone who has a fear of needles, or heights, or spiders, is not abnormal either. You are NOT pathetic: paruresis is something that is not under your control - the primitive nervous system for keeping you safe from harm has got over-sensitive to the wrong stimuli; you cannot help that. You are NOT unworthy of a social life: everyone deserves a good social life, irrespective of colour, race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, whether or not you like Big Brother, and certainly irrespective of one's ability to pee socially. No-one else gives a damn about how well or not anyone pees anyway.
Can you start to try to see your paruresis as something outside of you, like a wart on your middle toe: it's there, but it's out of sight, and it does NOT make you "Anon with a wart!"
Read everything on our website, and post back here with your thoughts. This is a safe place for you.
Hi, I can understand that you feel like your personality changed because of paruresis. Sometimes you can get in a bad mood while in company, just because you've got this one mission on your mind, you need to be able to go in the near future, and the place is crowded, bad facilities... I also had this when with friends, i started to become quiet and feel uncomfortable because of this thing on my mind while the rest of the group did not even think about toilets... I am glad that thanks to the workshops i can now say more and more that i 'had' this instead of 'have' this problem. So the feeling of a personality change has occured again, this time in a positive way. More and more i just don't think about it, or just don't care and my self esteem is growing gradually.