Posted by Andrew on 15/8/2008, 3:37 pm, in reply to "Paruresis has changed my personality "

Hi anon We find that paruresis can (but not always) be tied up with loss of self-esteem, and loss of self-confidence. It can happen that a vicious circle develops between the paruresis and something else: like say work, or a relationship; sometimes it can be difficult to know which is the driver. Your description about not being able to be yourself, but instead becoming less social, is also common. We find that, on the workshops, a definite change for the better happens in self-esteem and confidence. In extreme case people change personality the other way: becoming care-free and sociable i.e. the real them coming to the fore. You are not "Anon the paruretic" - it does NOT define you; you are "Anon who happens at the moment to need more privacy and time for peeing than most"; and this is something that can be changed. You are NOT abnormal: someone who has a fear of needles, or heights, or spiders, is not abnormal either. You are NOT pathetic: paruresis is something that is not under your control - the primitive nervous system for keeping you safe from harm has got over-sensitive to the wrong stimuli; you cannot help that. You are NOT unworthy of a social life: everyone deserves a good social life, irrespective of colour, race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, whether or not you like Big Brother, and certainly irrespective of one's ability to pee socially. No-one else gives a damn about how well or not anyone pees anyway. Can you start to try to see your paruresis as something outside of you, like a wart on your middle toe: it's there, but it's out of sight, and it does NOT make you "Anon with a wart!" Read everything on our website, and post back here with your thoughts. This is a safe place for you. cheers Andrew

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