Posted by Ronnie on 23/2/2012, 4:27 pm, in reply to "Outing myself..."

Hi Cpt. C, it sounds like this has got to you really badly, and I'm sure like many others my heart goes out to you. A lot of us will recognise the feelings you're obviously going through, even if our personal responses have not usually been so dramatic as the events you've been coping with. I think it's great you're so committed to doing something about it. I wish I had done that at your age, rather than leaving it until I was much older. The only thing I'd suggest is to take it fairly gently, and be kind to yourself. Don't feel you need to win the war all at once, if some days you win a little battle, that's great, and if other times things don't turn out so well, it's not the end of the world. I think one thing many of us have learned has been really important. For us, this problem has taken on a huge significance in our lives, and we judge ourselves, often very negatively, on our success or failure in peeing in company. And we think others are going to judge us on the same basis. The fact is, to the great majority of people, it's unimportant, they don't give the subject any thought, and if they do find out about it, they don't think any less or more of you, they just think, "So what?" Ok, some might have a bit of a laugh about it, but that's a pretty standard response, at least in the UK, to anyhting to do with 'toilet' matters. They don't think it defines you as a person, they don't think it diminishes you to some pathetic category of human being. Very often, people feel sympathy and a bit positive about you that you've 'suffered in silence' and coped with something that obviously distresses you so much. I've found knowing that has been a great comfort, and has helped me a lot to put it into perspective. I hope it will help you too, next time you're experiencing the desperate self-loathing. Now, you're asking for specific things to do. Andrew and others are much better placed to advise you than me, I'm just a novice recoverer in this field, but I would for sure recommend you get hold of and read the Steven Soifer book. Even share it with other people you trust, such as your Mum. It gives a lot of helpful background, and contains a lot of advice on practical things you can start to try. It's not expensive, and available in the UK from Amazon (as I type this, they've only 3 left in stock): http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shy-Bladder-Syndrome-Step---step/dp/1572242272/ However, more than anything, I'd say, get yourself to the workshop as soon as you can. In the meantime, good luck, and stay cool if you can! Ronnie

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