Posted by Andrew on 8/12/2011, 12:56 pm, in reply to "Time to try de-sensing I think"

Hi J Good to hear from you. It does help to get things off your chest, so carry on posting when you feel like it. I would caution against the nuclear option. You need to build up confidence gradually, which is where gradual desensitisation comes in. Find somewhere spacious and quietish e.g. shopping centre, motorway services. First time go and fake it i.e. do everything but pee, so that you can get used to the environment, noises etc. Its helpful to repeat this until you get bored with it. Then fluid load: say a litre to 1.5 litre (depending on your build and how dehydrated you are. Wait 45 - 60 mins; you are looking for a strong but not uncomforable urge to go. Enter not caring whether you pee or not, cos you have an escape route (i.e the cubicle). Allow yourself plenty of time at the urinal to calm down e.g. say to yourself nothing is going to happen for say 20 secs: and slowly count up from one. When you do pee, get a flow and stop it after 3 secs. Leave, browse in a shop for 3 - 5 mins, then go back in and repeat. and repeat. Get used to standng there not peeing, so you can manage a delay, and manage waiting out someone nearby who unsettles you. When you feel you can manage that 90% of the time, work out a next step up the ladder of challenge; but keep the steps small! These steps comprise things like spaciousness, busyness,proximity of other persons, presence/absence of dividers, nature of other: strangers, trusted mates, friends, acquaintances, colleagues. So you can see there are a lot of steps to play with. Never use the word failure; most guys have lock ups; the difference is that guys with paruresis make a big deal of it; others just shrug their shoulders, leave and return a bit later. Do not aim to be able to stand next to someone - that comes later, if at all; a lot of men without paruresis prefer not to stand next to someone, and will hang back till a suitable urinal comes free, or use a cubicle openly. Being able to go with a gap of one between you and someone else is more quickly achievable. Enough for now; go hunting! Andrew

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