Posted by Jonathan on 26/7/2009, 1:01 am

Hi all, I've enjoyed reading some all too familiar tales here over the last few days, so I thought it's only fair that I chip in with my own story. This seems to be a much more widespread problem than I'd ever imagined, and I think there's a lot to be said for accepting and discussing it openly, even if only anonymously. I'm 26 now, but first started to have difficulty at middle school when I was about 12 and began using cubicles instead of the trough. I don't remember any one particular event bringing on the change, but since about that age I've always been rather quiet/shy and private generally. Trying to analyse myself a bit, I probably care far too much about what other people think of me and I guess the AP is just one symptom of that. I wouldn't say it causes me any major problems in going about my daily life, I can usually work around it when I'm out and about so it's more an inconvenience than anything else - but it's not something I want to live with any longer. It just seems so irrational and apart from that, things do get a bit uncomfortable at times! At the moment home isn't a problem provided there's nobody near the door, and if I'm bursting I'll use a cubicle in a busy public toilet provided there's plenty of background noise, but urinals are a problem. I've been trying to desensitise on and off for a while now with varying success. Had a bit of a breakthrough a few weeks ago after a couple of hours being shaken around in a friend's Lotus with a full bladder. We stopped at a pub for lunch and after the usual routine of holding on while my friends visited the toilets and picking my moment carefully before "going in" I was able to pee in a urinal for the first time in six years, but only because I was bursting, there was nobody else around and I was in a totally relaxed and positive frame of mind at the time. Even so it still felt incredibly satisfying where I'd normally have just locked up, then given up and gone for a cubicle instead. I must have been there for a good minute without feeling anxious at all. I haven't been able to repeat it since, but even more determined to sort this out now. Not sure I'm ready for a workshop just yet, but I do want to step up my game a bit and I'll report back with anything I think might be useful. Anyway, enough rambling.

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