I have suffered with the inability to go to the toilet in public places for as long as I can remember (I'm 35) and would really love to do something about it. I have spoken to various doctors over the years intermittently but they have never done anything.

I have booked to go on holiday to the Bahamas in February so I would really like to do something about my issue in advance. The last holiday I went on was to New York and I didn't go to the toilet between my hotel in Manchester and my hotel in New York. People say that it isn't good for me, I'm sure it isn't, but as you know it isn't a choice.

On the New York trip I made it through the flight in some discomfort and in my head I was thinking I will just go when I get to the airport... to discover that the stalls in America have 4 inch gaps in the doors and low doors meaning you would even be seen having a poo.

I imagine that my paruresis is all anxiety based. I am confident in other aspects of my life. I think my issue is mainly to do with the idea of holding someone else up. I cannot use the toilet if I know there is a queue behind me.

When I become comfortable with an environment I can generally go, if it is quiet in the work toilets I use the urinal and I can go, if I hear someone coming I will quickly move to a cubicle. I work on the trains and I am normally able to use the on board toilet if noone is near, but if someone is nearby - no chance.

I have considered asking for anxiety medication for my holiday, I have thought about exploring hypnosis, has anyone got any other ideas?

Thanks

Hi Dale
Glad you have found the charity. Paruresis is anxiety based. It is due to the amygdala, the primitive part of the brain that among others things looks out for threats, treating peeing or the toilet as an unsafe situation and putting the body into camouflage mode; this switches off peeing and other things. The recommended treatment is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) to desense the individual and the brain to the "threatening situation. This is done in baby steps, and is very effective.

We use this approach on our workshops. We have run over 80 weekend workshops since 2003 and many have benefited from them and posted positive feedback on the forum. Our next workshop for first timers will be in the new year. However we also run one day online workshops (virtual) and have just decided to run one on Saturday 10th December. It is not on the website booking page yet but will be soon. Keep an eye on the page.

Picking up on your comment about being under time pressure. This is self-inflicted, because your life is what matters, and to hell with anyone else; they can sort themselves out.

Anyways, anything else I can help with? Meanwhile get yourself onto the workshop.

Cheers

Andrew

Hi Dale. Welcome to the ukpt website and forum.
It’s nice to hear from another man with the same condition as me & so many others.
I strongly recommend you attend the workshop & that after you have been to this that you learn as much of the paperwork as you can that you’ll take home with you & practice what you’ve learnt at the workshop.
These are the two things that have helped me gain much progress in tackling my paruresis.
P.S that airport stall sounds horrendous!

Thanks for your replies. The workshop sounds good, what is actually involved?

Yes the American toilets are horrific, google it it's a thing.

I am quite open about this issue with people I know, I was chatting with my boss this morning and he said he will only use a cubicle as he thinks it's weird to stand next to someone.

Hi Dale

Have a look at the Workshop page on the website. Then get back to me with any questions. Bear in mind that we do not go into detail in explaining what happens because, the more we say, the more likely that the reader will find something to put them off, albeit for the wrong reason. Just remember that you will always be in charge of what you do; you will never be asked to do anything you don't want to do; and the leaders have all been through the workshop experience themselves.

Cheers

Andrew

Andrew is being completely honest with you about you being in charge of what you do at the workshop and that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I know because I’ve attended one workshop and one follow up workshop.
Personally, I did as much as possible & got involved with the group as much as possible as I was SO fed up with paruresis that I was absolutely determined to either stop it altogether or to suffer from it less often. I succeeded very well!
You will have too much in common with others in the workshop (including the workshop leaders) to feel embarrassed about anything. People will relate to you & not be amused by you.
Although we are not allowed to share what goes on at the workshop, I’m sure it’s ok to tell you that it is explained to us exactly how paruresis works, methods to change your way of thinking when you’re in public conveniences, how to learn to retrain your bladder & you also get to take paperwork home with you so that what you forget when you go home you can read & re-learn.
It’s good that you have been able to take the step & talk to people you know & very good that you’ve been able to tell someone as personal as your boss.
I’m very glad he was pleasant to you & that he told you he thinks it’s weird to stand next to someone. Let’s face it! It is weird that women have the privacy of cubicles but that men have the unprivacy of having their tackle out in a room of other men & that our passing of urine can be in the line of sight of others.