Thanks Andrew, I have suspected that my GP is not doing the best she could on this matter. I feel like I've been given the run around for weeks now. Just getting a call back has been a nightmare.
I have just ordered some speedicath 14 x 30 (Code: 28414) from ebay actually. Those were the only ones I could find. I tried from a few other places but as you say you need a prescription. I'm assuming, looking at the size guides that they are the standard male size. I'm going to go back to the hospital to have this indwelling catheter removed tomorrow and I'm going to ask if they can talk me through the procedure and possibly give me some or do a prescription. The hospital seem to take this much more seriously than my GP and I think if I stress that this will allow me to gain greater agency over this they will hopefully concur. I Doubt they will want me back down there again!

Thank you

Hi Chris

Well done. You can emphasise to the medics that you are not going to use them as a long-term solution, but to enable you to start managing your life and to start therapy to improve things.

If they are unwilling to talk you through the procedure, I could do that with you by phone, so long as you accept that I would be doing it as a layman and not a professional. You can contact me by email.

You sound on top of managing your situation which is good.

Andrew

Just a quick update.

So I got the indwelling catheter out yesterday, I was really nervous about it because of what happened last time. However I've been taking the sertraline tablets for the anxiety, which I'm starting to see the benefits of. I am feeling a lot less stressed in general. I have also been doing some meditation and hypnosis that I have found very helpful in giving me a positive outlook on things.

So yesterday, I get the catheter out and I was worried I might not be able to go, but I wasn't having any problems at all (at home). In fact i was feeling a whole new level of control over my bladder. Then today were fine, until i had somewhere to be in a few hours and BAMM! pressure mounting, urine not flowing.

So... I took the first step at ending this once an for all. I used a catheter of those i had bought. At first I thought 'I'm not gonna be able to do this' and 'This is weird, am I doing it right?' I actually lapped it first try. Got it in so far and as soon as I met resistance i withdrew.
Second attempt. After a long self talk I tried again. This time i was determined. I kept going until I felt the resistance again. This time I coughed a little and put a little more pressure on and 'There she blows'. That was quite an experience. And do you know what? I'm not frightened by it now, I know how much it takes to get it in and what kind of pressure. I feel a huge weight come off me knowing I have this as a safety net.

I feel I've come a long way in the last few weeks. This has ruled over my life for the best part of 30 years and I refuse to let it rule over any more. I'll continue with my Therapies and hypnosis along with my medication. I know I have the get out of jail free card I've always wanted.

Thanks to all you guys for your support. Andrew, I couldn't thank you enough. I'll still hang around the forums and help anyone who needs support or advice. Here's to a life without the stress of Paruresis.

Cheers!

Chris

Chris

You are a STAR. Huge respect for what you have done. This certainly looks like you have turned a page in your life.
Two quick things:
1. how did you manage to buy the caths?
2. would you like to email us so we can put you on the list for notifying about workshops?
Cheers
Andrew

Great news Chris so now you can start to enjoy life and this is a really good post for anybody that reads it and is in the same position as you.On the point of getting more catheters I would try and see a different doctor as a few doctors are of the opinion that a patient should not be attempting a surgical procedure.They usually come in boxes of 30 so it would be easier on the pennies if you could get them through the nhs.

Thanks very much Roy and Andrew. I'm extremely grateful for the advice you have both given me. I wish i'd found this forum a long time ago. I do feel more capable of dealing with these issues now, and, Importantly i don't feel so alone in this anymore. My recent troubles have taught me a thing or two about how I deal with stress and that i have good people around me that help out. As I said earlier I'd be willing to offer any support I can to anyone going through any of the issues I have had. I would absolutely recommend going the clean intermittent catheterisation route for anyone that is finding it hard to deal with life with paruresis. One thing i have learned is that, for me at least, it hasn't been that easy to get the right support from Doctors. I might just have a Doctor that isn't really on top of this. some that I dealt with in the hospital were much more understanding. I will definitely speak to another doctor as it is quite expensive for me buying caths when I know I should be able to get them on the NHS. Oh, another thing, I got myself a RADAR key which could come in very handy, especially If i have to Cath when I'm out and about, or heaven forbid, use a toilet!

As to your first question Andrew. I purchased 30 Caths on ebay for around 40 pounds. These were the speedicath standard male 14x30. I think its 14 inches long and 4.7mm thick. I just went with these ones because they were a little bit smaller (thinner) than the indwelling catheter and I figured these would be easier to insert. One thing I have noticed with these is they are a bit noodley and flop about somewhat when you are first trying to put them in. I think that will get easier over time but I might look into the compact version. I tried It again last night, for the craic and i had no bother at all. The whole process doesn't take me that long. Can i ask what you guys are doing for hygiene when you are out? Do you have wipes or antiseptic gels?
On your second question Andrew, I will absolutely email you with my details. I would be keen to learn about the workshops.

Thanks again guys.

Chris