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My 6 week update is 79 successes, no misfires, and 2 latent. The reason i write this post today however, is not to share my success of urinating but rather to share my success of the 2 latent one's. On 30th April 2017, my G.P gave me a urine sample bottle and asked me to leave it asap. My level of urgency was very low and i considered going for a cuppa to build up the urgency level. Instead, i opted to walk around some shops very slowly to let my level build itself up naturally and when it did i used a private cubicle and filled the bottle. Instead of voiding all the remaining urine into the toilet i kept it in for urinal practice later on. Due to my low level of urgency, i later forgot this as i went uptown and got some shopping and it was only as i passed the Gents that i remembered. I stopped outside and assessed my urgency level to decide if it was worth going in or not. I realised it was best to wait 'til i got home as my level was too low, however, i decided to give it a go anyways and went into the Gents. I stood alone at the urinal and could feel my urine was very slowly passing along the bladder. I confirmed with myself the urgency was too low but stayed there anyways. One man then stood 2 urinals along and another then behind as the layout is an r shape and i was in the left corner. It was so long since i'd had a misfire or a latent visit that i wasn't used to this situation anymore so i went into workshop mode. I became a fighter pilot with my radar focused on the job, i only paid attention to myself, i believed, decided, fully committed to waiting it out, i didn't panic, i stayed comfortable, i persisted and was determined to succeed in my own time, i didn't freeze, i remembered that any latency is normal, i didn't feel under threat, i dealt with the environment, i remembered the past success of latency visits and anticipated i would succeed, i didn't think of my latency as a problem, i remembered it doesn't matter if i go or how long it was going to take me to go, and it didn't bother me that these 2 men could hear i wasn't urinating. I finally had success without even noticing that these men had both left and when i washed my hands a man i hadn't even heard come into the Gents walked out of a cubicle with the toilet seat up so meant he had used it as a urinal with big privacy screens and that was ok. The second latent trip was on the 5th May 2017 ( this is where a diary comes in handy!) and i once again had a low level of urgency only this time i had to stand next to someone as i don't personally use private cubicle's as safety behaviours. As i stood next to someone this time i remembered hearing other men take deep breath's on previous visits whilst they were being latent. I did the same so the man next to me would know i was trying hard to urinate and then he did exactly the same! In fact, by the sounds of it i think he left without urinating and that was ok. I didn't manage to go until about 20 seconds after he left and by that time another man had come in and stood 2 urinals down so i wasn't alone and i was urinating :-) I hadn't failed! :-) Latency in a non-a.p is normal, situational, and an inconvenience NOT a problem and has become so for myself... so can be for you too :-)
Re: Latency
Posted by Conor on 3/5/2017, 9:13 pm, in reply to "Latency"
Karl, a big thank you for your posting. I went on workshops in January 2012 and November 2012, and found them both amazing, but have very much fallen off the wagon since. I let deceasing slowly slip away, and my safety behaviours crept back in.
I found the workshops brilliant for enabling me not to care whether I went or not and, of course, as soon as I managed that I went successfully virtually every time. I notice even my language here has slipped back to the attitude that is holding me back - 'successfully'. That's what is so helpful to me about your posting. It's not about being able to pee every time - it's about self-acceptance and staying chilled and not caring.
I realise from reading your post that my latency is my biggest hurdle. I find it very hard not to feel judged, even threatened, by the men around me. (Rationally, I know this is ridiculous.) Your repeated 'and that was okay' comments inspire me to 'step up to the plate' for myself and to desense even when perhaps my urgency isn't high.
I could go on but I'll finish with a request to anyone reading this - have others out there found their success (in self-acceptance and lower anxiety levels, not just in being able to urinate) tapering off after a while, and do you have any advice for a fellow traveller? (I have considered going for a third workshop - has anyone out there done that? How did you find it? I'm from Ireland, so with flights the weekend becomes quite expensive; so alternative suggestions are welcome too.)
Anyway, thanks again, Karl.
Conor.
Re: Latency
Posted by Karl on 6/5/2017, 11:41 am, in reply to "Re: Latency"
I would first like to say to you Conor that i am glad you have been on ukpt workshops and thank you for liking my post so much :-) What i can suggest to you from my own personal experience is to go over parts of the paperwork that you were given at the workshop. I go over it most nights despite knowing so much off by heart as it pays off to keep the structure in your mind and subconscious when you go to the gents. The best thing for you by the sounds of it is to revise the bits you found helpful in my message. If you can do that every night then great, but it's ok to go a night or two without reading any of the paperwork as long as it is just a night or two. Remember, gaining control of your paruresis is a process. Good luck to you!