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I wonder if anyone has the same experiences as me through this. I find that sometimes I can go to a public toilet and urinate with no problem even if there are other people around as long as they are not right next to me. At other times in the same toilet, I struggle to get started even if only one person there and nowhere near me. Also if a friend is in the toilet, I cant get started, but if its no one I know I can usually go, again as long as no one is next to me. If I go into a public toilet when I'm not really needing, usually I can urinate, but if I was really needing to urinate then I would struggle and usually need to go into a cubicle to be sure of being able to urinate. Are my experiences familiar to anyone else who suffers from paruresis?
Re: Some questions
Posted by Mike T on 1/3/2012, 9:43 pm, in reply to "Some questions"
I can relate to what you experience when in the toilets with a friend. It's like, if the people in there don't know you and will probably never see you again, we equate that as being safer. But if it's a friend and they don't know about our paruresis we might be more self conscious.
I see nothing wrong in going into a cubicle. I see a lot of guys cueing for cubicles now. In fact some of my work mates where talking about them and one guy said he likes them because you can dry your self with a piece of tissue afterwards. This helps because sometimes some urine can drip out when you think your done.
So maybe using cubicles will become the new trend - the new Wembly Stadium has only cubicles, no old school troughs in sight!
Re: Some questions
Posted by Mark L on 1/3/2012, 10:32 pm, in reply to "Re: Some questions"
Hi Graham,
yes all normal things to happen!
With regards to not being able to go when full - thats because when you are full, there is more pressure for you to urinate as you HAVE to empty. This creates more anxiety. When not much in bladder, you know its nor important if you cant go as you dont NEED to, so no pressure.
This relates to the 'faking it' technique, ie, you go into the toilet and go up to a urinal with no intention of passing urine, you are merely there to become accustomed to the surroundings. You stand there for 20-30 secs and so on... this will have no way near as much anxiety as you'd have if you were in there purely to urinate.
Sounds like you have a very mild case of this, and doesnt stop you from doing anything or going anywhere thats the main thing!
Mark
Re: Some questions
Posted by Cpt. Capricious on 4/3/2012, 1:10 am, in reply to "Re: Some questions"
yes your experiences are normal, I can relate to some of the things you write however I find it's the opposite with people I know; for instance i can (in my own home) urinate in the presence (and by this i mean in the next room) of my best friend, parent, sexual partner however if there are new people in the house that i know i have never or will ever meet again i find it very difficult to urinate...new people are a MASSIVE problem.
In a public urinal its getting it started that's the problem....which is nearly impossible, If i can get a flow going though i can usually keep it going in front of anyone.
Also i wouldn't worry about having to cue for the cubicle, this is the only place i feel i could even try to go....i haven't tried to pee at a urinal in years!
While we're still exchanging experiences...I'm not sure if anyone else is the same but if it helps unusually i find it lots easier to urinate in public whilst sitting down?....no idea why.
(apologies for any nonsensical ramblings however been a Saturday i have been drinking whiskey and soda water in town....far less liquid for when i'm in public...yet far too strong)
Re: Some questions
Posted by Andrew on 6/3/2012, 3:46 pm, in reply to "Some questions"
Hi Graham
Your bit about being able to go when you dont really need to go, but you cant go when you do really need to go; so true. We tell guys to find the sweet spot where they have a good strong comfortable urge (most guys say the stronger the urge, the easier it is to start a flow), but not to wait till you are desperate. If you go as soon as you feel that good urge, you can then say to yourself that it does not matter of you lock up, cos you can wait and try again in 5 mins. Taking away that pressure to perform makes a hell of a difference.
)