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UK paruresis trust

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Workshop concerns

Posted by James on 5/9/2011, 3:22 pm

Hello everyone,

I've been reading this board for some time (embarrassingly... years, not days, weeks or months).

I keep reading everyone's testimony from workshops, and their often miraculous change in fortune. I simply find it amazing, and I worry that it could never work for me. I can never imagine myself using a urinal with random members of the public just feet away. The entire view I have of public toilets is a terrifying one, and I feel like I've been conscious of it now for so long that they're not something that enters into my thought process as a possibility... I've sort of crafted my life around my problem. Which I understand is not the right way around.

Has anyone ever gone into a workshop feeling this way? Or dithered for quite some time? What was your eventual 'push' that convinced you to go... I've read of people making an international flight!

J

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Mark L on 6/9/2011, 12:06 am, in reply to "Workshop concerns "

Hi James,

What you're feeling is only natural and understandable. How on earth could one weekend workshop make the blindest bit of difference to years/decades of your aviodance?!

Well in actual fact it will. You wont come away being able to pee where ever you want, when you want. But you will come away with a completely new understanding of the problem, and how the mind looks at it. You need your mind to re learn years of bad habits. This is done in small steps, that you must work on at your own time. The workshop is merely a kick start to this new learning process.

With enough time, practice and determenation, its more than possible to progress significantly.

I felt much the same as you. I was aware of this orginasation for years and years but put off reading up on it/looking into workshops. One day I put some time into this site and finaly thought 'what the hell' Iv got nothing to loose, so signed up for a beginners workshop. I really didnt think Id improve.

I couldnt have been more wrong, and made excellent progress. I went from worrying every day about up coming trips/events etc from not even thinking about them. I went from only managing cubicles when on my own with no time pressure, to using unrinals in a large, busy service station. That was only 1 weekends worth!

Out of interest, what level would you say you were?

Take a chance and do this one thing for yourself, theres nothing to loose and all to gain.

Mark

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by James on 6/9/2011, 8:37 am, in reply to "Re: Workshop concerns "

Um, I'd say I'm probably moderate.

I can go at home pretty much whenever, unless I'm put under unexpected pressure. Such as: 'We have to leave now! I can also go if my partner is in the bathroom with me (romantic!).

If I'm drunk cubicles aren't really a problem, and if I'm not drunk and REALLY need to go, cubicles are usually okay... but that situation doesn't usually occur too often as I try and avoid it (which I guess is pretty standard). I'm better with the cubicles where the toilet is completely sealed... as though you're in your own little room. Such as on a plane, that's usually okay (not that I fly too often). I don't think I've ever used a urinal.. though, I do have a hazy memory of using a trough style urinal at my father's pub when I was rather young. Weird!

J

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Andrew on 6/9/2011, 10:12 am, in reply to "Workshop concerns "

Hi James

I feel you think you are going to be dropped into the deep end, and by some miracle, we are going to show you how to do it there. But its not like that at all. You will start at a level that is 100% safe for you: it may even be on your own, and it will be in a hotel room, not a public toilet. And you will decide how to add a managemable bit of difficulty. There is no target for the weekend; you will progress at your own rate, bit by bit, only doing what you feel you can manage. That is the beauty of graduated exposure.

Everyone omes with a range of anxiety, from apprehensive, to major anxiety (e.g. bricking it). But as you have read, we make you feel at ease quickly, and we keep tabs on your anxiety during the weekend, so as to keep you out of your "deep end'.

Chers

Andrew

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Colin on 7/9/2011, 11:03 pm, in reply to "Workshop concerns "

James, you have made the first great step towards recovery - you have found this site. There is a wealth of good advice and help here for you.
Everyone here has, or has had the same problem. So we understand.
Take a good look at all the info, and then decide to do a workshop. It is daunting to think of it, but as Andrew says you are not pressurised, and will begin by peeing somewhere private, not in public at all.
The benefits of a workshop cannot be over-stated. Take a look at what those who've been on one say. Take the bull by the horns and commit to doing one.
Colin

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by James on 8/9/2011, 11:58 am, in reply to "Re: Workshop concerns "

I think I've come to the conclusion that I've 'got to' go to one (which makes me feel oddly serene). Previously I was satisfied by changing my circumstances, or simply being happy that my circumstances allowed me to coexist with my problem... but I think I understand now that that's not really a way to go forward.

I think what I find most encouraging is reading about people who were much worse than me going on to becoming much better than me.

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Joe on 8/9/2011, 7:03 pm, in reply to "Workshop concerns "

Hi James,

I'm at a similar level to you at the moment and about to take on my first workshop at the end of the month. I'm very nervous about going but also excited about the possibilities and the chance to meet like minded people.
Read all you can and sign up - got to be better than thinking about it all the time!

Joe

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by NoMoreGuy on 13/9/2011, 10:04 pm, in reply to "Workshop concerns "

random members of public, no problem, people I know yes, even worse imagine having kids and not being able to use a loo if there using a urinal next to you!!!!

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Mister543 on 19/10/2011, 11:39 pm, in reply to "Re: Workshop concerns "

Now im considering one of these workshops, for too long its wrecked my life also.
My worst anxiety seems to be with my mates which is a nightmare, on top of that i seem to suffer a weak bladder with pints which makes it all worse.
I can pee ok at my work when little asian men are near me??! What's that all about, it seems i dont give a shit about them.
Get me in a noisy rowdy cramped loo at the troff all huddled together with people shouting at eachother and im struggling big time. Cubicle is normaly blocked off with someone chundering or perhaps worse off than me in there..!

Theres got to be more to it, which is why NLP interets me so much. This is a deep rooted issue fear/flight type reaction. I always thought it manifested from my excess drug use in my teens some sort of psycho dammaging effect, but maybe not.

Re: Workshop concerns

Posted by Andrew on 21/10/2011, 10:14 am, in reply to "Re: Workshop concerns "

Hi NoMoreGuy

Welcome and well done for posting about your situation.

The locking up is due to a survival reaction by the subconscious: when the subconscious feels under threat, all sorts of changes take place in the body, one of which the closing of the tap (sphincter) so preventing peeing from taking place, even if you want to do it.

Which explains why you do not have a problem when "little Asian men" are there. You do not see them as a threat in any way.

In contrast, the situation you describe with the trough is probably the most difficult one for men.

There's no shame in saying that you like your space, rather than being crowded. Can you wait to let them finish and get out of the way?

Honestly I believe that one weekend workshop would go a long way to sorting you out. There is so much covered in a workshop that it cannot be done in a reply like this. But you can get a flavour from our website www.ukpt.org.uk.

Do post again, or email me direct

cheers

Andrew

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