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I came across this site months ago but have just built up the courage to post. I'm 27 and have been paruretic since primary school. It became worse as I got older so that I couldn't even go at home if any of my family were nearby. In recent years I've been working on it by myself and establishing my boundaries i.e. what situation is safe enough for me to be able to go. In general I can now go anywhere (even urinals when I'm brave enough) as long as I am certain no can see or hear me.
I got to this stage a while ago and seem to be stuck now because I can still only go if no one else is there and then only after hesitating for a long time. Even a random noise somewhere will make me panic and stop. Obviously the next step would be gradual exposure but this seems impossible to do on my own in public facilities because you can't gradually control the other people's proximity.
I was wondering if anyone else has tried to do it alone, whether it's possible and what my next step would be.
Re: Going it alone
Posted by Andrew on 30/6/2011, 1:40 pm, in reply to "Going it alone"
Hi LB
First a big "well done" for posting here. I hope it is the start of desensing you to opening up about it.
And another "well done" for working on it by yourself, not easy to do.
So now you are stuck, but there is a way forward.
You say you cannot gradually control other people's proximity. Well you can! It means finding large toilets with transient users e.g motorway services, shopping malls etc. Start with a quietish time; you will find that you can choose a position well away from others and, over time, reduce that separation. Be open about choosing your distance. It is surprisingly common. Take one big loo I went in with a row of about 12 urinals: I entered and it was empty, so I took position 3; then a trendy young lad came in and walked confidently to the end of the row and faced a bit into the corner, then walked confidently out. See what I mean: no sign of embarrassment.
The first time you fake it you will be anxious, because the environment is anxiety provoking and you feel self-conscious not peeing. Leave, wait 5 mins and go in again; you will be slightly less anxious cos you "survived" the first time, but a bit more anxious cos you have come in a second time! Leave and wait 5 mins; then go in again. Your anxiety will drop a bit more. By the 5th or 6th time you will start to get bored with it, and will have only a low anxiety; well done, the environment has lost its power to make you anxious, and you have shown to yourself that standing there not peeing is manageable. So now when you fluid load to desense, you will not be having to deal with teh environment and the hesitancy, only with your own self-inflicted performance anxiety: i.e. your feeling that you must pee or else. But you are desensing in your self-controlled einvironment. If you dont pee that time, you can leave and go back in a few minutes later.
Have a think about this; it feels wrong, which is what the guys on the workshops say, until they try it, then they are converted.
Finally, decide to attend a workshop, you will make progress so fast you will be amazed.
Post back here with your thoughts on all this OK?
cheers
Andrew
Re: Going it alone
Posted by Mark L on 30/6/2011, 11:59 pm, in reply to "Re: Going it alone"
Hi LB,
Cant really add anything to Andrew's helpful info! Really well done on the progress you made on your own. If you can do that by yourself, then you will excell in a workshop definately! Get on one, it will be the best thing you ever do.
Mark
Re: Going it alone
Posted by The Therapist on 16/7/2011, 9:33 pm, in reply to "Re: Going it alone"
I found motorway services really good for desensitisation but you can't predict how busy they will be so you have to be patient. The densensing on my own took a long time. Im ok now but wish I had gone on the course as it would have been quicker but back then I didn't want anyone to know because I was so embarassed about it. Thats the problem, embarassment drives this problem and probably stops a lot of people seeking help.However when you are over it you realise its not a big deal and wonder what all those years of worry were about. Good luck going it alone. Some of my comments on the recent CBT thread may be of use to you.
Re: Going it alone
Posted by Brian on 25/7/2011, 9:59 am, in reply to "Re: Going it alone" Message modified by board administrator 25/7/2011, 4:36 pm
Hi, just to emphasise Andrew's comments about attending a workshop. The progress you make is remarkable, no matter how serious your condition is because it's all relative. The reason being, in my experience, the ability to talk to others face to face and the unique professional and sensitive way the workshops are conducted.I've had this condition for 40 years of which 37 I spent thinking I was totally alone! The last three years since discovering the site, I've tried to go it alone with little success. Attending the workshop not only enhanced my progress, it gave me the tools to carry on when I got home. I wish I'd done it years ago.