Posted by Andrew on 30/6/2011, 1:40 pm, in reply to "Going it alone"

Hi LB First a big "well done" for posting here. I hope it is the start of desensing you to opening up about it. And another "well done" for working on it by yourself, not easy to do. So now you are stuck, but there is a way forward. You say you cannot gradually control other people's proximity. Well you can! It means finding large toilets with transient users e.g motorway services, shopping malls etc. Start with a quietish time; you will find that you can choose a position well away from others and, over time, reduce that separation. Be open about choosing your distance. It is surprisingly common. Take one big loo I went in with a row of about 12 urinals: I entered and it was empty, so I took position 3; then a trendy young lad came in and walked confidently to the end of the row and faced a bit into the corner, then walked confidently out. See what I mean: no sign of embarrassment. Secondly, use the technique of "faking it". This already described on our website, see http://www.ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_Components_of_a_CBT_Based_Approach.htm The first time you fake it you will be anxious, because the environment is anxiety provoking and you feel self-conscious not peeing. Leave, wait 5 mins and go in again; you will be slightly less anxious cos you "survived" the first time, but a bit more anxious cos you have come in a second time! Leave and wait 5 mins; then go in again. Your anxiety will drop a bit more. By the 5th or 6th time you will start to get bored with it, and will have only a low anxiety; well done, the environment has lost its power to make you anxious, and you have shown to yourself that standing there not peeing is manageable. So now when you fluid load to desense, you will not be having to deal with teh environment and the hesitancy, only with your own self-inflicted performance anxiety: i.e. your feeling that you must pee or else. But you are desensing in your self-controlled einvironment. If you dont pee that time, you can leave and go back in a few minutes later. Have a think about this; it feels wrong, which is what the guys on the workshops say, until they try it, then they are converted. Finally, decide to attend a workshop, you will make progress so fast you will be amazed. Post back here with your thoughts on all this OK? cheers Andrew

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