U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 26/7/2009, 2:56 pm

I have just made my first reply to a posting here & altho I've been looking at this site for over a year, I thought it was about time I posted my first message. I am 55 & have had AP since childhood. Same old things apply to me like avoiding people, places, situations & watching toilets to see who has gone in & who has gone out. I can use cubicles with very little problem (lucky I suppose compared to some here)but if anyone is present at a urinal there is NO WAY I can "go" - it has controlled my whole life. This site at least has shown I'm not alone & I thank all concerned for its existence. I feel more relaxed about my "condition" - but still lockup when it comes down to it! Because I'm shy & a bit of a loner, I cant see how a workshop would help me - I'm not used to talking about my feelings & am not good with socialising, esp with strangers. But one of these days I might try a workshop. I just wish there was a magic wand to make it all better.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Andrew on 26/7/2009, 3:18 pm, in reply to "Same Old..."

Hi Jim

Good on you for posting. Now you have made the jump as it were, I hope you can feel like posting more.

You say you do not see how the workshop can help you, because you are not used to talking about your feelings. But you do not have to: you can talk as much or as little as you like; you still gain a hell of a lot by listening to others.

Also you say that you are not good at socialising esp with strangers - so you are like most of the guys who attend a workshop; again our experience is that guys like that can just listen. We also can give some simple 1-2-1 guidance on how to handle social situations; advice that has been found to be helpful.

You said in your reply "not to waste your life like I have wasted mine"; so there is a good reason to say "enough, I'm going to live the rest of my life and start by attending a workshop". Lets face it, you have got at least another 30 years, which is a lot of time in which to enjoy life.

Yours is a mild case: if you can handle cubicles OK, you can make a big step forward in the weekend.

So get in touch now! :-)

best

Andrew

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Pete on 27/7/2009, 10:12 pm, in reply to "Same Old..."

Hi Jim,
If you think you are too old to do anything about this demon that has wrecked our lives, I can beat you by about 30 years !
18 months ago I discovered this site and realised, for the first time, that other men had similar problems and that I wasn't such a "freak" after all. Í also realised there was something I could do about it and booked into the first available Workshop. You say you don't see how it could help you, but if you don't try it you will never know and I assure you that you will be missing a great opportunity. Meeting, chatting to and practising with other "sufferers" is a great experience and you will come away feeling better about yourself as well as having made progress with being able to pee. I have been to a second Workshop now and can go into a toilet expecting to pee and generally managing to do so. I have hardly ever used cubicles, {resulting in much discomfrt on many occasions !)so I walk confidently up to a urinal and cannot remember the last time I had a real lock-up. There is still a bit of the old anxiety lurking in the background, although I tell it to go away ! I'm not sure it ever will, but if I succeed in my objective in emptying my bladder, what does it mattter !
Take my advice, get onto a Workshop and make the most of the second half of your life. Good luck.
Pete

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 27/7/2009, 10:51 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Thanks Andrew for your reply. Having looked at this site for a very long time now, I knew you would advise the Workshop! & from all the positive reports from participants I realise I'll have to go for it. And Pete - as you say, I'm not the oldest site user here (I have followed your postings before & gained comfort from them). I dont really feel "anxious" when I lock-up - just absolutely fed-up. If anyone else is present, it just won't "happen". As soon as they go away it's OK! Maybe it appears to be a milder form of AP to some on here but it has affected me for 45 years & I blame it for my lack of self confidence. Anyway, cheers guys for your replies. Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Colin on 28/7/2009, 6:22 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim
RE:Workshop. Everyone is advising you to try it. They are all sure it will help you, and yet still you hesitate.
What do you have to lose by giving it a try?
Colin

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Geoff P on 6/8/2009, 12:38 pm, in reply to "Same Old..."

Hi Jim,

Well done for posting.

I'm a year younger than you and have also suffered since childhood.

You won't beleive what a change a workhsop can make!! Just go for it. You'll feel copletely safe with Andrew and Colin and the other guys. You won't regret it one bit.

Cheers mate.

Geoff.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 11/8/2009, 9:21 pm, in reply to "Same Old..."

Just had to post an update to boast that I walked straight into the Gents in my local Sainsburys and "did the deed" at a urinal whilst an elderly man was already using the urinal at the far end - it wasn't even that urgent - what was that all about? I did lock up for a few seconds half way but was able to finish and was very pleased with myself! Seriously I can never remember that happening before and dont really know why today. Maybe all the good advice from this site is filtering through to me. I prob sound smug but just had to tell someone. Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Andrew on 11/8/2009, 10:00 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim

Well done! And you do not sound smug, just justifiably pleased.

Old sayings often have a sound basis: one of them is "to sleep on it". I believe that some things take time to be absorbed: reading this board can over time shift your feelings about things at a subconscious level, but it does take a while. In your case it may be happening.

Just be prepared to deal with the situation some time in the future when you do lock up at a urinal. It happens, and is part of progress.

cheers

Andrew

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Geoff P on 12/8/2009, 11:03 am, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hey, well done Jim

Good on you for going to the urinal in the first place when there was already another guy in there!!

Keep at it.

Cheers mate,

Geoff.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 14/8/2009, 11:32 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Yes - as expected, my one-off "success" was just that. Subsequent visits at urinals have been complete lockups. I knew it was too good to be true but have taken onboard what Andrew says -maybe I'm on the road to relaxing a bit, just a long way to go yet! Not as down about it anyway, thanks to all the guys(and gals) here. Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Mark L on 16/8/2009, 8:59 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim,

You attemped a urinal with someone else present, and you were rewarded! Good effort, its so easy just to dart straight into a cubicle when you see someone else already in there!

As for the old man... several of us on the workshops commented on how 'easy' it was to go around old men or kids. Basically we see them as less of a threat (aminal/natural instincts etc). Im the same And it wasnt too good to be true, it happened! But as Andrew says, as well as the ups, there are the downs. All part of the recovery process.

Going back to what you said about the stuff on this site is filtering through; I aggree with that. When I discovered this site, I was really woried about a trip away with friends and a 9 hour plane trip. With in a day of reading the posts, my anxiety had halfed!

Keep at it and keep updating.

Mark

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 16/8/2009, 9:47 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Thanks Mark. I agree that finding this site & reading the posts halves the anxiety - it's why I'm so glad I found it and think it really helps. The sooner young people with AP find out all about this the better so they don't have to put up with so many years of beating ourselves up - like us older guys. I now need to go the next step & consider a workshop. Only prob is I am in N. Ireland & a long way from venues! Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Andrew on 17/8/2009, 9:06 am, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim

Northern Ireland eh? We have had guys come across from both NI and Eire. Never enough at any one time to put together a workshop there tho.

Now, all you guys in NI and Eire; if you can get together a group (say 6), we can look to putting one on in Belfast or Dublin (or anywhere else?); it could be a mixed beginners and follow-up workshop.

Jim could you email me direct so I can add you to my Irish list?

cheers

Andrew

Re: Same Old...

Posted by steven ni on 4/9/2009, 11:38 am, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim Iam also from N.I. and Ive attended workshops in Manchester and London with great success, like you I see myself as shy and a bit of a loner, thats another thing the workshops help with, by meeting other pople with the same problem I always went home feeling more confident.I would certainly be up for an Irish workshop or self help group if there was enough interest from others living here, I know Andrew would only be to glad to help.Hope you can get to a workshop soon .
Good luck Steven.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 4/9/2009, 8:38 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Thanks for your encouragement. It's good to know there are fellow users of this great website near home! I have contacted Andrew and really must consider a workshop in either Manchester or London. I have never read anything but good comments about workshops - it's very encouraging (I'm presuming there has been no censoring of bad feedback!). Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Andrew on 5/9/2009, 8:45 am, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hi Jim

Censoring of bad feedback! Wash your mouth out :-)

Seriously tho, the feedback after each workshop on an evaluation form is always positive.

The only postings on this board that I've ever deleted have been either spam (a recent phenomenon) or pranks (only in the early days).

If anyone was determined to post a bad review, they would post it time and again. It would be seen for a while each time before it could be deleted. So you readers would notice it.

cheers

Andrew

Re: Same Old...

Posted by jimcreg on 5/9/2009, 10:42 pm, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

Hope no offence was taken, Andrew. I have genuinely been impressed with the positive comments about Workshops. One day I hope to be able to post my own - once I've attended ,that is. Cheers! Jim.

Re: Same Old...

Posted by Andrew on 6/9/2009, 8:46 am, in reply to "Re: Same Old..."

No offence taken at all Jim. Just seemd a good time to allay any doubts that anyone else might have.

cheers

Andrew