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I have had paruresis for about 25 years, I first noticed it when I used to drink a lot but as I got older and grew out of the habit of drinking I found the problem peeing becoming worse. I mentioned it to a GP about 20 years ago and he very dismissive and that put me off getting any medical advice again. I have since seen another GP 2 years ago and had a course of cognitive therapy and it seemed to work for a while, well I felt less anxious about it...not cured, now though it seems as bad as its ever been I am back to watching the toilet at work so I am confident that I will be alone, but going out to the pub is difficult. I went to cricket recently with some long standing friends and was determined to go when I wanted (the beer helped) I even went to the toilet with a friend and waited for the trap to become free, urinated in the trap and rejoined my friends, I was of the mindset to tell them if anyone asked, but no one did because NO ONE is interested its ONLY in our mind. I realise that but what can I do about it? On Wednesday I am seeing my GP who arranged the cognitive therapy and will ask her to refer me to a urologist to "check me out", sometimes at home when I am alone it can take a good few seconds before I start. I have discussed this fully with my wife and can urinate happily in front of her or my daughter, or father come to that, its just the irrational fear of I don't know what. What sort of "unirary problems" exist that can cause a problem peeing. I am going to a wedding tomorrow and will try the holding breathe method, it sounds as if it could work because its a switch in the brain which needs turning on at the right time. John
Re: Urinary problems?
Posted by Andrew on 19/7/2009, 5:53 pm, in reply to "Urinary problems?"
Hi John
You mention that "sometimes at home when I am alone it can take a good few seconds before I start"; I would say that is normal. Guys do get hung up about the delay in starting, usually because they compare themselves to those guys who seem to be instant-go. If they compared themselves to the others who are not instant-go, then they would not feel themselves to be different.
This delay, we call it hesitancy, is normal: it varies by individual, it varies with the variation in the urge to pee, and it varies even more with the situation. The problem is not the hesitancy, but what you make of it. Lets face it, is life such a rush that a few seconds extra peeing matters:-) ? You tell me!
However there is no harm in being checked out by a urologist; at least if he finds nothing, you will stop thinking about that. Our advice is that if you can pee easily in what you consider to be a safe place, but get inhibited in an "unsafe" place, then it is shy bladder. Problems peeing in a safe place are more likely to be physical e.g. prostate.
As for what can you do about the mindset? A workshop helps here, because you are with other guys in the same boat, and each individual seems to benefit from the group's growing understanding of how to manage the mindset.
I am seeing the Dr tomorrow and will discuss this openly, the funny thing is I don't worry about talking about. I have told one friend at work and he recounted a tale when he "froze up" but has not had the problem since. I don't fear being ridiculed and its not about being "looked at", I play sports and shower without thinking about it at all, its just the peeing. I have tried hypnosis without success, I'm not sure she understood my problem but was happy to take the money. I have considered the workshop, do you hold them in the Bristol area? Because I take such notice of toilets when I am out carefully counting people in and out I can spot fellow sufferers, I always use a cubicle and its amazing how many men use a cubicle too. Thank you for the very informative and useful website, I have a copy of Shy Bladder Syndrome which is a very useful book.
I used to live in bristol. I found that the only place I could go whilst in the town center were the toilets inside the marriot hotel on college green! until I started getting paranoid about going in there all the time... :s