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Having had my confidence levels pushed through the roof and beyond on the recent London Beginners Workshop, I've been experiencing exactly what Andrew said would happen back in the real world.
Its only been about three weeks since London and I've found that my confidence has simply evaporated. It certainly hasn't gone down to where it was pre-workshop but its not where it was post-workshop either.
I think there are two factors that brought this about. Firstly the amount of practice gaind on the workshop just cannot be continued out on your own. Secondly, you just feel so safe and have so much fun being with Andrew and the other guys and, of course, that ends when you say goodbye.
So I decided to have a real biltz on my confidence levels and get in a whole day's desensing. Over the course of four and a half hours, I visited 9 different toilets in and around Exeter. I made a total of 16 visits and only had one missfire and that was on a low urge (about 4-5). True, most of the time I was either alone or with little company but that actually made it easier to get in lots of positive experiences.
I even had success in the very AP unfriendly stainless steel trough in the loos by Exeter library
I have to say that although my confidence is not back to where it was, its much much greater than at the start of the day
So, if any of you guys who were on the same workshop as me or, indeed, on any other workshop and are feeling a bit discouraged at the moment, don't beat yoursef up about it!! Andrew said it wouldn't be easy. Try and get out there and get desensing. And post to encourage the rest of us.
If there were Olympics for this you would have already won Gold several times over. Naturally we all go up and down and then find a level we can continue at for day to day life.
The important point is that your current level so far ahead of what you would have imagined before the workshop. Remember I said 'don't be nervous, go and enjoy it'. Somehow I don't think you believed me but it was right wasn't it? Your diary proves how far you have come.
If you want to compare notes about facilities in the S.W. I am happy to do so.
K, although I was really looking forward to London, despite the nerves, I really did not dare to hope that I might make the progress that I did. You were right, it was a lot of fun. I was dissapointed to find that the motorway services round here (Exeter, Collumpton and Taunton North & South) were not great places to be. The one we used on the workshop was brill. Can you suggest anywhere similar around here, or is that too much to ask for in the SW?
Hi Geoff Well done for not getting disheartened when the confidence suddenly vanished. It happens to most people, and the trick is to do just what you did. You fell of the proverbial bicycle, and got back on to ride like hell! And it worked! You had a mammoth GE (not always to be recommended, but it worked for you) and came away with lots of successes. I trust you entered them all in your diary with smiley faces you can look back on for some positive reinforcement. Perhaps now you see why we recommended you (and all the others) attend another workshop. After initial success, often a lack of confidence creeps back in (whispers from your BM) and another workshop builds on the success of the last one, so you soar away again. Thanks for posting your experiences. I hope it encourages others to keep up the Graduated Exposure and keep ticking off those successes. All power to you! Hope to see you at another workshop.
Best regards to you and all those from the recent workshop. Colin
As you learnt on the workshop, you are dealing with retraining both your subconscious and your conscious. On the workshop your subconscious had an opportunity to get used to doing something new; back in the real world your conscious is saying “I’m not really sure I can do it!”. Then you went out on the town and let the subconscious show that it still can do it. So the moral of the story is what you would tell a trainee tightrope walker “Don’t look down!” i.e. use you diary to remind your conscious that you have done it in the past, then go out and let the subconscious get on with what it can do.
As Colin says: it really is the bicycle scenario; as you are learning to ride, if you consciously think about how to ride, you wobble; if you look at the horizon and go for it, you don’t wobble (or not much).
I can also relate to the confidence dropping when back in the real world. De-sensing helps get that confidence back, and given your dedication in the past with this I see no problems here!
I too recommend a follow up workshop. The first workshop completely changed my perspective and enabled me to have freedom for the first time in my life, but it didnt cure me. The follow up gave me another boost and shot my progress up another level, making everything even easier.
