This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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I have suffered from AP for nearly 20 years and have decided I can not carry on living with this condition any more. I have visited this website many times but always felt afraid to post anything, I suppose trying to kid myself that I could sort things out on my own. I have tried many things over the years, hypnotherapy, Steven Sofia's book, herbal tablets and psychotherapy. I did get close with the psychotherapy but probably gave up to soon. I am at the point where I feel a complete failure as a father and man, I am avoiding many situations because as you all know its just to stressful and frightening. I have been reading the posts on here and it's so refreshing to hear the stories of other sufferers, I am enjoying reading the success of the guys that attended the June workshop and wish I had pushed my self to go, will defenitly go to the next one when ever that is? Thank you everyone who has posted on the message board, I know what your going through and have found your posts really helpful.
Welcome friend . Its really good to hear from you. Well done for facing your fears and for posting.
Richard, you are NOT a failure either as a man or as a father or in any other way. You're just a regular guy who has a problem peeing, just like the rest of us. You are among friends here and can just be completely yourself. None of us can just walk into a public loo and pee. Some of us have trouble in our own homes. That's why we're all here. We all need each other.
Having just been on the June workshop, I can absolutely guarantee that you'd find going an incredibly releasing and affirming experience. It does take guts to sign up and go but, beleive me, you won't regret it.
You won't be embarassed and you won't be put in any situation where you feel out of your depth or uncomfortable. Andrew and Colin will suppout you and everyone else will be there for you, too.
If you happen to live anywhere near Exeter, I'd be only too happy to meet up for a chat, if you felt that would be helpful. I'm no expert, I'd just like to be able to encourage you in any way I can.
Do keep posting, Richard. We're all here for you, mate.
Many thanks for your feedback, unfortunately I live in Kent and meeting for a chat is not practical. I am really interested to hear your thoughts on the workshop and anything you can suggest to start facing this problem I have with peeing. Did you start doing anything on your own before the workshop or is it best to wait until you go along and learn from the guys who run it? I can pee at home normally but sometimes freeze if the house is really quiet or we have guests but away from home can find it a nightmare. It's not so bad if I'm on my own but when with friends or work colleagues I find it a hard because I worry all the time about going and as you know this makes our problem worse. I think with the amount of forward thought I put into going out etc, I could be a strategic planner for the military!
If you look through some other topics, you should find some more info and tips on de-sensing. Basically, tank up, go out and visit as many WCs as you can. Start with cubicles in quite toilets and build up accordingly without pushing yourself.
A workshop will really kickstart your recovery if self-desensing doesnt.
The workshop was great as it provided a completely safe environment. There were eight of us and we were all pretty nervous to start with. We were encouraged to say how stressed we felt at various points during the weekend and it was amazing how everyone's stress levels fell during our time together.
It was so encouraging to find that all the other guys were so normal. We were just a bunch of regular guys that you could meet anywhere. We ranged from students to property managers to supermarket managers, to musicians to physiotherapists.
A lot of the time was spent finding out about the condition and how to deal with it. This info is all on the website, but it was really helpful to hear it again and in a group setting, as we could all contribute and help and encourage each other. Mind you, there was never any pressure to say or do anything you didn't want to.
Time was also spent socialising at the bar or over meals. This helped too, as it all contributed to a feeling of complete normality. We could talk as much or as little as we all felt comfortable with about our experiences we'd had coping with shy bladder, and we gave each other a lot of tips and encouragement.
The other activity was a number of desensing sessions. This will sound scary but, beleive me, it just wasn't! Andrew and Coiln are both recovering paruretics, so they know from experience exactly what it feels like. They won't pressure you or put you in any sort of difficult or embarassing situations.
I had a particular problem with not being able to go just because someone else knew I was trying to, so Andrew offered to be my 'buddy' for the first desensing session. We went to my hotel room and talked for a while until I felt comfortable. I then got him to leave the room and dissapear down the corridor while I tried to have a pee.
Because I felt 100% safe, I was able to go. My feeling of safety grew so much over those three days. The improvement I made far exceeded my hopes and expectations.
Richard, a workshop will change your life because it will change your perception of the problem and of yourself as a man. That's what it did for me.
But don't wait for a workshop! As Mark said, read the info on the site and start desensing. The first thing to do is find a quiet toilet with separate urinals and dividers. Just go in there when you DON'T need a pee. Walk in and wash your hands and walk out again. Go in again and stand at a urinal and walk out again. Just get used to being in there. Get to feel comfortable. If a urinal is too big a step, that's absolutely fine. Start with a cubicle.
. Its really good to hear from you. Well done for facing your fears and for posting.