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The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 15/3/2009, 11:06 pm

Whilst on the improvers workshop, I had chat with Andrew about a concern I have...

In July this year I am getting married. Im not worried about the wedding day, nor the 10 flight to Orlando. Its the Stag Night that sits at the back of my mind. I know everyone will be buying me drinks and dont know where I will end up! After attending 2 workshops I will probably be fine but dont want to risk it not being able to go! I know I can resort to cubicles but iv heard horror stories about WC's in clubs with broken cubicle doors, long cues, bouncers peeping over walls to check you're not taking drugs etc.

I will be seeing the GP very soon to get refered to a urologist or nurse etc so I can get hold of some cathetors. I know how tricky it can be to convince a GP that this is the way forward (I tried once before without knowing much about it but he was adiment that it was a bad idea).

So I will use this thread to keep a log of events so anyone interested or in the same situation as me can see what goes on. I will be taking some info with me about the UKPT and the condition itself so he can understand more about this problem.

Thats it for now, will keep you updated!

Mark L

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by AdamP on 16/3/2009, 4:18 am, in reply to "The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Mark,
Slightly different tactic, does your best man or any good mates know about your paruresis who will be planning the stag weekend?

Could be an idea to tell the best-man and he can perhaps plan the weekend around good facilities. If you have one person in the group knowing, he can always cover for you if things get bad. Always use the following excuses to leave the bar / club need to take an unexpected phone call, get some cash from the bank or quick cigarette break!!

Do you know where your going? If abroad, I guess no pre planning can be done......

Good Luck.......

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 17/3/2009, 3:41 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Adam,

to be honest it will probably be a few clubs near where we live. Nothing special! The plan is to have a cath with me, and it will provide re-assurance that if things dont go well, I have a fail safe. ie. The fact I will have one with me will enable me not to worry so I shouldnt need it.

I could tell my best man/mate, but a few others are going to be involved and I want to have a great night. I dont want to look back on it and regret not having as much fun as I could have done

Cheers,

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by kev on 17/3/2009, 7:37 pm, in reply to "The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

first of all good luck hope it all goes well. to be honest i wouldnt let the "horror stories" worry you too much as most of these are very rare. also what i have noticed since going to clubs (and i go most weekends) is people dont care if u use the cubicals even if it means waiting in a cue. im pretty sure u will survive without the catheter but it may be a good idea to take one.

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 18/3/2009, 8:25 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Kev,

I agree with you on all that. I am 99% sure I will be fine, iv been able to pee before when im wasted! (not that I remembered it!)

Its just with all the noise, drunk people, friends waiting etc sit on my mind and I dont want to get caught out.

Cheers guys,

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Steph on 19/3/2009, 10:07 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Mark,

As mentioned to you at the workshop, I had the very same worry as you about my own stag for weeks before. I had a just one catheter at home that I had been given by my urologist if I ever wanted to try using one (the same understanding urologist who told me about UKPT). I had never used one by myself before the stag although I had been catheterised in hospital two years before for a back surgery so I knew it wasn't such a big deal. Anyway, the stag was before I attended the UKPT workshops (that have massively improved my parureris) and I was super stressed because of the constant attention I would get from all my mates on that evening and the impossibility to isolate or leave the pub/club for a quieter place. So I prepared for the worse scenario (that is, impossibility to pee even in a cubicle) and took my catheter rolled in my pocket with some disinfectant wipes to be on the safe side. I was able to pee twice in cubicles without problem but then I started getting drunker (which makes AP worse for me) and at some point I was bursting in a pub cubicle, unable to start and with all my mates waiting for me. So, #### it, I used the catheter carefully (despite the alcohol) and probably peed two pints. Amazing relief ! I was a little bit sore in the pipes for 30 mns (mostly because I wasn't very experimented with the use of catheters yet) but the relief sensation was worth any inconvenience. After that I had a great stag night and eventually succeeded to pee by myself in a quieter pub later that night. So it might sound scary but it did the job for me. No remember that you have done the workshop (which I hadn't at the time and that would have changed everything) and that you probably won't need any. But just taking a couple with you will be just what you need to kill any negative thought in the nest and let you enjoy a great evening without ever using them. Experiment before a couple of times so that you will be familiar with them. Good luck and good stag.

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark on 20/3/2009, 1:17 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Steph,

Cheers for your reply. I know having a cath with me will put my mind at ease, and I wont need to use it! But if I dont have one, things could go wrong!

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Robin on 20/3/2009, 7:41 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Mark,

I think your having a catheter as a last resort is a good idea - you can relax knowing that you always have that get-out if you absolutely need it. Given your fine progress on the workshop I doubt you will need it though!

How's it going, been practising at all? I have ventured into the toilets at work as much as possible this week and they have always been empty - gutted as I wanted to see how I would be after last weekend's fine progress. I will have to wait until next week now!

Hope all is well mate,

Robin

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 20/3/2009, 11:20 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Robin,

I have been really busy since the workshop working 9/10 hours days cleaning cars! But I did manage to venture out to Rownham services on Wednesday and did very well. I went to the one going out first but it was too challenging to went to the other side (the octagonal shaped one) and had good sucsess.

Unfortionatly for me, service stations are the only place I can practice in as small, quite wc's with a few urinals are too difficult with someone else next to me at the moment. At least with Rownhams you can have your own wall, but still be 4/5 away from someone else.

I will keep practicing and hopefully this will build my confidence in general. Ie, I wont need to practice in busy club toilets. So by the time the stag night comes, I will be wondering what the hell I was worrying about!

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Robin on 21/3/2009, 7:21 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Mark,

Good effort on the venturing out to Rownhams - it's a good place to practice. You are right about the Eastbound side, not as AP friendly as the Westbound! We will have to do a session there in a couple of weeks time, during the Easter holidays. I will let you know with a good week's notice so we can sort out a day.

Have a good weekend!

Robin

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 29/3/2009, 10:26 pm, in reply to "The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Just an update:

Off to see my GP this Thursday so will let you all know how I get on! I will prepare what I need to say the night before and print some stuff out for him incase.

Mark

Re: Saw the GP today

Posted by Mark L on 2/4/2009, 8:09 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

I went to see my GP today and explained everything. He wasnt aware of the codtition (even though id mentioned it to him years ago!). He looked it up online whilst I was there.

He said he thinks the self cath route is the best one to go down. He will now get the urologist to contact me and said if he thinks its a good idea then I will go ahead with it.

All I can do now is wait!

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Matt on 7/4/2009, 7:42 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

I've not posted on this forum in ages, but I've got a stag night coming up and my anxiety over it is already making me feel sick. As it's only 2 weeks away I think I've left it too late to get a referral and a catheter - but it sounds like a good back up as knowing it's there will leave you more relaxed when going normally.

The one saving grace about this stag do tho, is it's not mine (that comes next year). So hopefully if I have to slip away no one will notice.

I've been fairly optimistic about my chances of having success until yesterday. I had a meeting and didn't feel I'd have any trouble going until I asked where the toilet was -"right there" was the answer. The cupboard in the corner of the meeting room housed the loo, and I just couldn't go. By the time I was out of the meeting and in Sainsburys loo I had hesitancy of about 5mins!! I am now very worried.

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Andrew on 7/4/2009, 8:42 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Dear Matt

Confidence is a fragile thing isnt it. Can you see that peeing in a "cupboard" attached to the meeting room is way up in the challenge stakes; it is NOT something that you will encounter in everyday life.

And it will not be the caes on the stag night either. Your mates are out to get drunk: they will not be interested in what you are doing. There are options

1. offer to be the driver?
2. drink shorts until you are drunk too and if you then find you can pee, drink what you like
3. Check out the toilet when you arrive, before you need it, so you are not taken by surprise
4. Drink slowly - gippy tummy as an excuse; that way you can still enjoy a drink, and use the cubicle when necessary

Set out with the intention to enjoy yourself, jokes etc; and treat peeing as something that will resolve itself; instead of setting out convinced you will have a miserable time: self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.

Ideas anyone?

Andrew

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by AdamP on 9/4/2009, 2:58 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

I like point 4 from Andrews post above.

Good excuse I have never thought about..... I have a big list of excuses already!!

Adam P

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Pete L on 9/4/2009, 9:38 am, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Hi Matt

I think Andrews idea of drinking shorts is a great idea. Not sure, if like me, you would minimise your intake before hand though so as not need the loo all night if that does not work. Haven't been out for a very long time myself though so the above is only a forethought. The times I have been out recently have only been to a restaurant, with no intake all day whatsoever. This way, I can have a couple of soft drinks without the need to pee as my bladder is completely empty. All this being said, I am now altering my ways since finding this site.

Does your friend know about your Paruresis? If so, you may be able to go out and enjoy yourself more knowing that, if the night proves difficult, you at least made the effort, even if you do go home early. I Hope you do manage to have a positive experience.

Pete L

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 9/4/2009, 8:11 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Update: I Got send a letter on Tuesday saying I need to phone and book an appointment at the Hospital...

I phoned up and the earliest they can do is 10th June. I hope this will be enough time as my Stag night will be and of June/early July. I told my GP that my plane trip was July 21st, so maybe thats why my appointment is so late.

Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Matt on 17/4/2009, 5:28 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

Sorry, it feels like I'm highjacking the thread, but just an update. I have been back practicing and doing ok since that misfire, and looking back it was a bit of an unusual situation. We are staying over in a hotel (shared rooms, d'oh) and one of the places on the list is about 400m away, so worst comes to worst I can always make a quick dash back. So, feeling a bit calmer now.

Think I'll start a seperate thread later about self -fulfilling prophecies.

best of luck with your stag do Mark

Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!

Posted by Mark L on 15/5/2009, 8:35 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

I recieved a call yesterday from the Hospital saying they had a cancellation. So I went along today for a consultation in the urology department.

When I got to their reception, I was greeted by a man waving a pot at me asking for a sample!! I said ummm im not sure if ill manage as I didnt need to go! haha. I managed to get a bit out though.

I spoke to the orologist, and another member of staff sat in with us. Neither of them were aware of the condition so I gave them a quick run-down of it and explained about the UKPT and the workshops etc. They were both really interested.

I didnt mention the stag night concerns, I just used the 10 hour flight for the reason for needing catherers. He thought it was a good idea and funilly enough said that knowing I have one on me will reduce my anxiety enough to not need it!

I now have to wait untill my next appointment with a nurse to show me how to use them etc.

So far so good!

Mark.

Had my appointment today...

Posted by Mark L on 12/6/2009, 8:20 pm, in reply to "Re: The Stag Night - Catheter Needed!"

I went in to the hospital today to have my appointment. I was taken through to a ward and was given a leaflet to look through. She then showed me a few different catheters and explained more about them.

We then went for my 'trial'. Now I am the least squirmish person you will ever meet, but I must admit that what was about to happen was making me nervous! Anyway, as I was inserting it I got a nasty stinging sensation which got worse the further it went in. Not very pleasant atall. Once it was in the pain stopped. It went in easily though and sure enough I was peeing. It felt weird peeing with the lady standing right next to me! When pulling it out, theres was only a bit of a stinging sensation and that was it. Afterwards I was fine. The next time I urinated naturally, there was just slight sting. I was given some to take away with me so I can practice and keep. Some dont fold but the others fold right up and can go in your pocket.

All in all, a very quick and simple process. If only my GP aggreed to this 4 years ago! UKPT workshops have given me my life back and have given me the knowledge to beat this thing. However, in the meantime I now have the ability to drink what I want, when I want, go on trips anywhere without a care in the world! This will be a big boost to my recovery I reckon.

To anyone who is worried about a trip somewhere etc, then I strongly recommend catheters. OK it does sting a bit but iv been told that the first time is the worst.

Just to clarify... Although a cath can get you out of any tricky situation, they should never substiture UKPT workshops. They are just there for you if you need some extra help

Thanks for reading, will keep this topic updated if I ever need to use a cath out and about.

Mark

Re: Had my appointment today...

Posted by AdamP on 17/6/2009, 1:25 am, in reply to "Had my appointment today..."

Hi Mark,
Let us all know how you get on with the trial or will you wait until needs must?

Good luck on the stag night.

AdamP

Re: Had my appointment today...

Posted by Mark L on 18/6/2009, 11:40 pm, in reply to "Re: Had my appointment today..."

Hi mate,

I will get round to another trial, but I keep putting it off! hehe

I will have a practice before my stag party I think, as it was so quick and easy theres no need to do any more.

Mark

Re: All finished!

Posted by Mark L on 20/7/2009, 2:54 am, in reply to "Re: Had my appointment today..."

Well, as Im not one for going clubbing and getting wasted, I opted for going paintballing for my stag party. It went really well and I didnt need the loo all day due to all the exercise. I had a cath with me just incase though.

The night before my wedding, I met up with some friends, my Dad, Brother and his girlfriend for a few (+ some more) drinks. I went 2 times no probs atall. I didnt try the urinals just incase, I didnt want to mess my night up in any way

The wedding day - WOW what an experiance! My wife and I had an amazing day, everything ran so smoothly and the weather held out with even some sunshine! The only time it rained was when we were eating so were really lucky. I drank plenty without thinking about it, even at the alter! Left the cath at home this time, as I knew our hotel room was just up the stairs. Used the main loos a few times again with no probs (cubicles).

Now all thats left is the plain trip to Florida, which I know 100% will be fine, and the long days at the theme parks which im not worried about atall.

Thanks for reading guys!

ps leaving for the airport shortly, so wont be online for a while. Speak soon!

Mark

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