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Today I took the advice in the CBT approach and tanked up with a load of water so that I would have several opportunities to pee. I planned a walk that would take me to four different toilets. I also took a bottle of water with me to keep myself full. I managed to pee six times in the four loos in the space of about an hour by only allowing myself to go for a couple of seconds, then stopping. I only started this process of desensitising less than two weeks ago, previously to which I had never been able to use a urinal or go anywhere near someone else.( See my two other messages ) The two best times this morning both happened in the same toilet. It is a fairly busy one, near the shops, though at this time of year its not exactly buzzing. The first time I went in, there was a man standing at one end of the trough. For the first time with someone else there, I didn't go into a cubicle, but took up my position at the othr end. I couldn't go whilst he was there but managed to a few seconds after he left. The second time, I entered to find the place empty. I stood at the same place as before and started to go. I'd just stopped myself, saving some for later, when I changed my mind and started to empty out. At this point another guy came in and started to pee. This time I couldn't stop and continued to flow. This has been another huge step for me and I'd just like to encourage you all to keep going with this. This thing doesn't have to ruin your life. You can beat it. You can win and not let this define you as any less of a man than you really are. Geoff.
Keep at it. I have done the same as you where I tank up and go for a drive where I stopp at different public WC's. I find it ok to go when the place is empty but impossible when someone else is in there already! Also, the more busy the place is the easier.
What also helps (what happened to you) us when you start and someone else walks in. It gets you used to actually peeing when someone else is next to you.
Thanks for the encouragement, Mark. Like you, I can't start to go yet when there is company. I'm not sure if it would help to be able to practice with a fellow AP. What do you think? At the moment, I find that everything is easier in public loos, where I'm not likely to meet anyone I know, rather than at work. Keep at it, Mark. We will get there! Geoff.
You are doing very well indeed, Geoff, but don't expect too much all at once. One step at a time is the way, and consolidate your position before moving on too quickly. If you can't go to a Workshop, by all means try practising with a fellow AP, as this what you would do there. It is invaluable to talk and work with others who are actually experiencing the same difficulties that you are. Pete
Hi Mark, Are you the same Mark who posted "De-Sensing advice, please" on 16/10/08? If you are, I found your ideas very helpful. I hadn't thought of trying to use a cubicle with the door open. This would give a lot of privacy, but exposure at the same time. Also, no one can see if you are going or not, which will take off a lot of the preassure. I find the worry of what anyone else might be thinking is a very big problem and makes me tense up a lot. Keep going. Geoff.
Yeah I am the same Mark who posted 'de-sensing advice please'. If you cant pee in an urinal with company, then the cubicle with the door open is what you should try. First, make sure you can go 100% of the time with the cubicle door shut and someone else at the urinals or sinks etc. Once at that stage, walk in and leave the door open. If this is too hard, then start with the door shut, when you have a low going, reach back and open the door. This should gradually get you used to being with company.
To fake it, walk up to the cubical and leave the door open. Take in a 500ml bottle (one you have to squeze to drink) in with you and poor it into the bowl making as much noise as you like. No one will suspect a thing! (not that they would anyway of course!) That idea came from Colin on the workshop by the way.
Its so easy to think that the other person is wondering 'why I he stood there and not peeing?'. You have to keep reminding yourself that they are there only to pee and couldnt give monkeys what anyone else is doing. Just think you will never see that person again. I agree though its much harder when you are around people you know.