This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
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A week ago, I had never even heard the name Paruresis. Though my brain told me I wasn't the only one suffering with this problem, I had no idea how to find help or make contact with another sufferer. In fact, I wasn't even trying to find help, as, having lived with this for 53 years, I had no idea that there was any hope of it ever getting better. Having found this site, and realised that there was hope and that others had had success, I started to desensitise myself. After several times of standing at a urinal at work when I had no need to pee, I was becoming used to being in that scenario. I was actually feeling normal just doing this. But I didn't want to rush things. The last thing I wanted was an unneccessary set back. This morning, I decided to walk into town and try standing at a public urinal. I didn't neet a pee as I left home, but by the time I got half way to town, I was beginning to feel the urge. I stoppet at the first loo on the way. There were kids playing football and a load of parents watching, so the risk of someone coming in was quite high. I stood there for about 30 seconds, then a boy came in and I made out that I had finished and left. I continued into town and by the time I was getting close, I really wanted a pee. I chose my route to take me to a loo that was less likely to be in use than the ones by the shops. As I approached, I checked out the area. Apart from an old man on a bench, there was no one around. I went in and took up my position. It was a trough, but as I was confident that I wasn't going to be disturbed, I didn't let that worry me. After only about 20-30 seconds and one false start, I started to pee. I just couldn't beleive this was happening. I've spent all my life being completely unable to pee with anyone else around, or even the risk of anyone seeing me. I never thought it possible that I could use a public urinal. My emotions were a strange mix. Partly I felt absolutely elated, but at the same time I felt just so normal, almost 'so what'. Things have moved so much faster than I could have dreamed. I think I am still a long way from being able to pee in someone elses presence but, who knows? I'll keep you all posted. And I hope you find this encouraging. Cheers, Geoff.
Well done, Geoff, - encouraging indeed. Sounds as if you are going about this very sensibly. Don't rush things and don't be discouraged by any setbacks. Have you read my last message on your original site? Pete.
Carry on with what you're doing. When someone walks in before you start, stay where you are. You need to be used to people next to you. If you find a busy WC (like a service station etc) then you can stand there for as long as you want and no one will even notice.
Keep trying and hopefully someone will walk in as you re peeing, so you can actually be going when someone is next to you.
Dont let any 'mis-fires' get you down as they happen all the time.
No one notices how long you stand at a urinal. A recent course participant in Manchester stood at a urinal for about 8 minutes in a busy shopping mall.
I have also heard of someone standing for 20 minutes, no one watches who's at the urinals.
Good luck with the desensing, perhaps get yourself on the next beginners course.
Thanks for all the encouragement guys! I'm having regular success at empyt urinals, both in town and at work. I'm going to continue standing when I don't need to go to get used to the whole scenario. Its just such a relief to feel so normal about this.
