Posted by Geoff P on 17/1/2009, 10:52 pm

A week ago, I had never even heard the name Paruresis. Though my brain told me I wasn't the only one suffering with this problem, I had no idea how to find help or make contact with another sufferer. In fact, I wasn't even trying to find help, as, having lived with this for 53 years, I had no idea that there was any hope of it ever getting better. Having found this site, and realised that there was hope and that others had had success, I started to desensitise myself. After several times of standing at a urinal at work when I had no need to pee, I was becoming used to being in that scenario. I was actually feeling normal just doing this. But I didn't want to rush things. The last thing I wanted was an unneccessary set back. This morning, I decided to walk into town and try standing at a public urinal. I didn't neet a pee as I left home, but by the time I got half way to town, I was beginning to feel the urge. I stoppet at the first loo on the way. There were kids playing football and a load of parents watching, so the risk of someone coming in was quite high. I stood there for about 30 seconds, then a boy came in and I made out that I had finished and left. I continued into town and by the time I was getting close, I really wanted a pee. I chose my route to take me to a loo that was less likely to be in use than the ones by the shops. As I approached, I checked out the area. Apart from an old man on a bench, there was no one around. I went in and took up my position. It was a trough, but as I was confident that I wasn't going to be disturbed, I didn't let that worry me. After only about 20-30 seconds and one false start, I started to pee. I just couldn't beleive this was happening. I've spent all my life being completely unable to pee with anyone else around, or even the risk of anyone seeing me. I never thought it possible that I could use a public urinal. My emotions were a strange mix. Partly I felt absolutely elated, but at the same time I felt just so normal, almost 'so what'. Things have moved so much faster than I could have dreamed. I think I am still a long way from being able to pee in someone elses presence but, who knows? I'll keep you all posted. And I hope you find this encouraging. Cheers, Geoff.

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