This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
I used a urinal for the first time in my life last month (im nearly 19), I can now use urinals when the toilet is empty and I think its unlikely anyone else will come in. Im also fine if there is a couple of people in the cubicles etc.
Problem is I just can't pee if someone opens the door and comes into the toilet, or if someone also comes to use the urinals. I completely lock up and no amount of counting/breathing etc seems to unfreeze me, its embarressing and painful cos I usualy have to wait for them to finish, go to a cubicle, or just leave.
This has been somehting thats ruined my life for a long time. I don't go to clubs or bars because I know the toilets will be busy/be mainly urinals. I also don't drink alcohol purely because I don't want to have to use the toilets.
I jsut don't know what causes this for me (psychologically). I'm not worried about cleanliness etc, or other people seeing my genitals etc, I think its mroe to do with urinating in public, it just seems such a tabboo.
Re: How to progress?
Posted by Dave on 18/11/2008, 8:04 pm, in reply to "How to progress?"
Try a workshop. The relaxed conditions seem to unlock unconscious part of your brain that later results in more confidence in public toilets. After 20 years of AP I went on a workshop and am now peeing in uncrowded public toilets at urinals.
Re: How to progress?
Posted by Andrew on 18/11/2008, 9:44 pm, in reply to "How to progress?"
Hi Rich
Can you clarify something. Its not clear from what you said whether you mean that if someone comes in before you start a flow you lock up, or whether if someone comes in while you are peeing, you lock up and the flow stops.
Affording the workshop: if you read the fixed posting about workshops, you will see that the UKPT does not let lack of money stop anyone attending; so you CAN attend one.
Seeing a counsellor: by all means do, but do not expect them to be able to help; I suspect they are more used to dealing with things like depression, bereavement, relationships and money issues. Choose a male counsellor.
Peeing: you say that if you were already peeing you would be able to restart after about 10-20 secs; that is good and is very common. Psychological research shows it is very common for men to slow down or stop when another person arrives.
Read it all, but pay special attention to section 19 on Faking It. It is important that you find a large quietish toilet somewhere and get use to being there, and to standing minding your own business doing nothing. Going in say six times at intervals of 5 minutes is good. The idea is that (1) you get bored of it, and (2) yoU realise that no alarms go off, and no-one cares. One guy tried it for 20 minutes to see if anyone would notice, and no-one did.
When you have done that, then read the bit on graduated exposure (desensing) and fluid loading; again go to a quietish large toilet and practice; start with choosing a urinal well away from anyone else, and as you get used to it, reduce the separation.
I used to be just like you except that it took me another 20 years of distress and anxiety before I understood my condition (I am 37). Consider yourself lucky to tackle the problem in your teenage years! I wish the internet existed in the 80s. Anyway I went to a workshop a month ago and I still cannot believe what I have achieved since. I have to write down my success stories to remind me that they did happen. I am not "cured" yet but I am confident that I will eventually. So there is definitely a way to deal with AP and that's called a workshop with people sharing the same issue. Good luck and don't worry, there is a solution to this curse.