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Unfortionatly Iv only just found out about this month's workshop so its too late to attend as its full, but im after some advice on how to go about de-sensing on my own.
Iv never used an urinal with other people around, ever. I can normally use cubicles if I sit down and block my ears etc, and there is more than 1 available and if im out on my own.
Is it a good idea to go in to public toilets, stand at urinals to 'get used' to being there? Or shall I stick with the cubicles and try and unblock my ears and maybe stand up?
Iv tryed standing at a few urinals, and even when the toilets are empty I get the "what are you doing, this is never going to work!" feeling. Shall I carry on standing there or am I jumping too much in the deep end too quickly?
I dont have anyone I can practice with by the way, so if any of you have done this/are doing this your self please let me know what works for you.
I've been on a couple of workshops and one of the things that is emphasised most is the importance of having a strong urgency, i.e. full bladder. Drink lots of water beforehand and you should find it easier. Another advantage of drinking plenty is you will need to go more often and thus get more opportunity to desense. I don't think using urinals at an empty public toilet is a step too far, even at your early stage. Even if you get that hopeless feeling, you are still desensing yourself and you will probably find using a cubicle becomes relatively less demanding as a result. I've often had that feeling standing at a urinal that it's an impossible task, but instead of focusing on that negativity I would just try to loosen my shoulders, relax my legs, hands etc. Now I feel a lot more composed when i try to pee in public even if I've still got a way to go. Another suggestion - if you do manage to get started - is to stop the flow midstream and go back and try again a bit later, again increasing the practice. I would also recommend going on a UKPTA workshop. It is daunting at first, but, there are lots of positive messages and good advice, and it was really liberating to share experiences with people who know exactly how you feel.
OK as I understand it you can use a cubicle if: a) you sit and b) you block your ears and c) there is more than one cubicle and d) you are on your own.
The principle of graduated exposure (desensitisation) is that you start at a level you can pee at, then change one factor a little bit to make it slightly difficult. When you can pee reliably at that level, only then do you move up another small step on the ladder of difficulty.
As Steve says, drink say 2 or 3 pints of water and wait until your need to go is a good strong but not uncomfortbale urge. Go into your starting safe setup, and when you pee, stop after 3 seconds in order to preserve your reservoir. Leave, go back a few minutes later and do it again, until you are comfortable with that set up.
Then you could change one thing e.g unblock you ears, or stand up. Repeat the exercise until you are comfortable with that. Only then do you add the other factor. It is all explained on our website and in Soifer's book (see our website).
If the step seems too large, then wait till you do NOT need a pee and go through the motions, to get used to being there. Again repeat this until you get used to being there; we call this "faking it". Only then do you fluid load and introduce the peeing aspect, one small step at a time.
By now I hope you have got the idea that it is not an instant process. You are retraining your subconscious bit by bit: we say its like trying to stroke a lizard.
About the urinals: I think faking it at urinals is too soon for you. Wait until you can use a cubicle with the door open, as a lot of men do.
But please read our website: there is a lot of useful info there.
Large busy toilets: motorway services, shopping centres, large city centre pubs, large train stations.
Finding the time: !? the usual paradox, guys say this condition wrecks their lives, but then cannot find the time to do anything about it. If it were cancer, you'd find the time! Go o, rearrange your priorities :-)
I have been visiting a public toilet on my lunch breaks as often as I can the last few weeks.
1st step was to make sure I could go straight away whilst sitting in a cubicle. The fact I was out on my own and other cubicles were availabe made this too easy.
Next was to stand up, which has always been hard/impossible for me when under presure or other people are around etc. This didnt take long to accomplish either at this particlar WC.
The next step I took was to try and break the barrier, and my god was it HARD! My aim was to try and go standing up in a cubicle with the door fully open. Its amazing the difference it makes, being find with the door closed and locked compared to it being open!
Heres how I overcame that...
Start with a locked door, and as soon as the flow starts, reach back and open the door. There I was, peeing 'in the open'. It was the first time in my life I had done anything like that.
Next was to start peeing with the door being open in the first place. I have achieved this once or twice, but its not easy for me yet.
Once I can do that, I will move on to the unrinals or in this case a troph. I will update accordingly.
This all happened within about 2 weeks or so. It helped that I was under no time pressure and I was alone, and the WC wasnt very busy.
Every time im out and about, I will go for the sake of it. The more time you can spend in a public WC (even if you dont go)the better.
Jason, what approach are you trying? Would be good to hear on your progress...