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UK paruresis trust

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recovery?

Posted by Bernardo on 16/8/2008, 11:44 pm

Has anyone been completely recovered from paruresis? I mean to a state where it is manageable in any situation, so you don't have to think about it?

Best regards,
Bernardo

Re: recovery?

Posted by Andrew on 17/8/2008, 10:27 pm, in reply to "recovery?"

Hi Bernando

Unfortunately there is no straight simple answer, because your question contains terms that need to be defined.

The quickest way is to say: can you get to the point where you are like the normal population. Lets talk men only: guys who do not see themselves as having any problem range from:
(a) those who could pee in teh middle of a restaurant into a wastepaper bin,
through to
(b) those who use urinals most of the time but, if it feels crowded or for some other undefinable reason, will happily use a cubicle, and think nothing of it.

Within that range, there are plenty who prefer not to be standing next to someone else (hence the term "urinal etiquette" - google it and see how many hits you get): if they have to, they take longer to go; alternatively they wait till there is more space, or use a cubicle, and think nothing of it.

So in that context the answer is: yes you can recover from paruresis; where the condition is more correctly called Avoidant Paruresis, because it manifests itself as containing a strong avoidance behaviour pattern. We find that guys do get to the point where (a) they stop worrying about it and (b) it ceases to affect their social decisions. And that should be the aim of any recovery work.

cheers

Andrew

Re: recovery?

Posted by mike. on 17/8/2008, 11:19 pm, in reply to "recovery?"

YES.

I went from a state of 95% worry, to now 99.5% free of worry.

Ironically the idea of a "complete" recovery is a mind game in itself..(you HAVE to have COMPLETE recovery..) this is part of the mild OCD component of the condition.

In a pub today ..I just used the cubical...it felt a little uncomfortable so i used the cubical and locked the door,, but I DO NOT CARE ANY MORE about what someone may think. THIS is true recovery....not striding up to a urinal and being able to pee 100%...ALWAYS 100% of the time.

I got to this stage by systematic desensitisation, washing hands only in toilets..and then moving up the scale. (it WAS tricky to do at the time but for 1hr of this practice gives you a year of your life back.)

there is no other way, (acupuncture..no, alexander technique..no,hypnosis..save your money! ..etc,etc,etc..this is only AVOIDANCE),,you have to face your fears though action. You have to retrain (Hardwire) the caveman part of your brain...only ACTION.. will do that)

All this I learnt from this board many years ago .Thx guys..Thx Andy!

Re: recovery?

Posted by Andrew on 19/8/2008, 8:16 am, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

Hi Mike

Thanks for the enthusiastic and positive message.

It would be good to hear your story i.e. what were you like before you started the graduated desensitisation, what did you do, how long did it take, what situations are you comfortable with now? Also what specific information on this board and/or website were useful to you?

This could be very helpful to others to read as an example of what they might be able to do themselves.

cheers

Andrew

Re: recovery?

Posted by Bernardo on 19/8/2008, 1:10 pm, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

Thanks so much for the answers and for all the useful help you both give to everyone!
Yes I would also like to know Mike how you did your desensitisation, with the details like what tipe of bathroom was and how long it takes...
And now you don't care if you are going to a bathroom with a friend or 2 and they both go to an urinal and you enter a cubicle? For me that's the most difficult situation..do you say anything or you simply don't look at them?

Re: recovery?

Posted by mike. on 19/8/2008, 3:46 pm, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

OK Andrew I will try and post up more detail in the next few days..

as for starting Bernardo...do your own list from 1 to 10.

1: as washing hands in a restroom.

2:entering a cubical and not doing anything..

etc

10: as....whatever you consider a 10 to be.

Don't take too long picking over the list in minute detail, just start and you will see.

I suppose in a nutshell..I pushed myself hard and got to a stage where i was simply much much more comfortable using cubicles. I lost the desire to be a 100% urinal using expert but I still had to force myself hard to use them and got quite successful.

To answer your final question, if there was a few friends going at the same time...well its only polite not too crowd up the urinals and go to the cubicle...

I never went down the catheter route at all, so my own case was not in the top 5% severity area.

Re: recovery?

Posted by mike. on 19/8/2008, 4:05 pm, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

Just as an afterthought ... this may interest you.

I have not been back here for a long while and in reading some of the threads (definitely no offence to anyone.. I fully sympathise with you all) I find it really difficult.

Its hard for me to read them now as it brings back..not the emotions but the "patterns of thinking" that now I steer away from.

Unfortunately fate has brought quite a few very bad misfortunes my way and my "paruresis way of thinking" never returned however a quick browse of the board ...someone outside the cubicle....long trips... that is classic "text book" paruresis way of thinking.

I think certainly AS WELL AS as the desensitization route, if you think that way, get to a workshop as well, (or many workshops!..no one is counting..)

Re: recovery?

Posted by Bernardo on 21/8/2008, 4:16 am, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

Thanks Mike, your text is really helpful!
So after you planed your program you went to public bathrooms everyday to "train"?
Now your in a position lets say if you go to a music festival where you have a wall to pee you can do it if you wait without problems?Your brain simply don«t start thinking in paruresis in any situation?

Re: recovery?

Posted by mike. on 28/8/2008, 4:32 pm, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

most days i would "train" not absolutely everyday..

in the case of a festival I would probably like to use a stall and would feel anxious.... I am not perfect you see, I may try to pee at the wall and fail... but so do others.

Its just i choose not to have a complex about it all and dwell on worrying thoughts...that is the "cure". the "cure" is not a release so you can pee anytime you want. The "cure" is NOT worrying and dwelling on the fact that you might fail!

hope this makes sense!!

Re: recovery?

Posted by bernardo on 4/9/2008, 1:17 am, in reply to "Re: recovery?"

Of course it does

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